[lizardlady]

Let me start off by saying I am absolutely exhausted. Work the last two weeks has been non-stop stress and daily crises. Added to that I have a chronic fatigue and fibro. End result of this is that what I'd really like to do is crawl into bed and sleep round the clock for the next few days.

The original plan was for me to go visit a friend and her out of town relatives for Christmas. I enjoy our visits, but was dreading the three hour drive to get there, be away from my critters for a couple of days, then three hour drive home. (Long drives are physically draining for me.)

Some time in early November my friend found out her out of town relatives might not be able to come down this year. I asked if she'd like to come to my house if they could not come. She was not excited about the idea. I made the offer again around Thanksgiving. She was not enthusiastic about it then either. So I planned on going to her place for Christmas.

Thursday I got a text from her that her relatives can't come so she'll be at my house Christmas Eve! WTF!?!?! How the h e l l did we get from I was going to her house to she's coming here?!?! I understand I made the offer twice, but she blew me off both times! I don't think I'm being unrealistic to wish she's told me they weren't coming so was it okay for her to come here?

My house looks like a bomb went off in it. I've been too GD tired to clean at night. The last two weeks if I was cooking for some party at work I came home ate supper and fell asleep sitting on the sofa. Now with three days warning I have to clean up this pigsty and get decorations up.

.......

Having vented above I stopped and had a conversation with myself about boundaries and expectations. In the past I used to drive myself into a frenzy over outrageously high expectations about the holidays. I'd end up exhausted and stressed out. Why am I letting myself slip back into that? I'm going to do what I can do and it is going to have to be good enough.

[Travelinglady]

If she's a good friend, then she should be okay with a dirty house. Just tell her what you told us. I didn't go all out to get my house squared away with my relatives coming either.

Have a good time with your friend! Miss you!

[healingme4me]

Oh Gosh LL

How extensive do you need to decorate? How about just a couple candles and some type of centerpiece type of arrangement on a table and a bowl of candies or something?

I have time frames when I've let things go myself so I know what you mean about housework being dropped on you on short notice. One space at a time. Make a to do list and cross it off. And maybe a couple of bags of paper clutter or whatnot in a closet in the meantime?

[Nammu]

She's not a diplomatic envoy but a friend. What you get done will be enough. No need to decorate like a magazine, like healing said....a couple things and a candle or two would be great plenty.

[downandlonely]

I could be wrong, but I think the OP is referring to cleaning, not decoration. My apartment is often too much of a mess to have people over and that has nothing to do with decoration. I tend to throw everything on the floor and leave dishes in the sink for days. I never clean the bathroom. I don't think anyone would care about my lack of decorations, but the uncleanliness would upset them. Big houses also take a long time to clean.

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand how you feel, lizardlady. I think it's totally fair of you to expect some kind of warning before making this kind of announcements. Just try to clean up as much as you can - no need to stress yourself over it. Just do the major stuff. Hopefully she will understand if you explain it to her. Is this the first time something like this happens? If it's recurring, I'd talk with her about this. I think it's an important issue to talk about if it bothers you that much. Sending many hugs to you

[AbladeintheMeadow]

Hey Lizardlady, just wanted to offer my support to you. As a result of depressive episodes my home often ends up in a state that I do not wish other people to see & on many occasions havd found myself feeling as you do.

I have in the past only cleaned up the areas that will be seen by the visitor - usually my living room, the bathroom & the kitchen. If a visitor is staying over I tidy the room the will be using & I shut the doors on all the other rooms. My bed & room has been piled high before now with 'stuff' I've hidden.

Having said that. I know that if I went to a friend's home & found them to be in that same place I would probably offer to help them - if our relationship was such that that would be an OK thing to do. I have friends who have done that for me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you're not alone & that good friends will understand & not judge, for others it may be possible to reduce the amount of work needed.

Gentle hugs. Be kind to yourself. I hope you enjoy the day.

[lizardlady]

Downandlonely is right. I'm more stressed about the condition of this sty, not the lack of decorations. I'm embarrassed to have anyone see the inside of this place. I've never been much of a housekeeper and my friend knows it. She's made some snide comments in the past. Ironically she's retired, home all day every day, and her hose is as much of a mess as mine.

I am trying to focus on not "shoulding" on myself. I'm going to clean what I can, devil take the rest.

[guilloche]

Good luck with the cleaning. Your friend sounds a bit inconsiderate...

It sounds like you're still OK with her coming, despite all this? (If you weren't, I'd support you in telling her that!)

If you are, as others said... hit the major areas. And, do what you can to hide the rest I'm totally OK with piling things into a closet in my bedroom, if need be, to get them off the living room floor so that the place is a bit more accessible to friends and family.

(And I hope in the end that you end up enjoying her visit, despite this bumpy start!)

[eskielover]

Lol....I can so relate which is why no one has come in my house to visit since I moved here (11 years ) I just posted of FB about how disorganized I am. I have a 2500 sq ft house with a full room over the 2 car garage & a 1000 sq ft walk out basement. You would think with this much space everything would have it's place.....NOT!!!! I was looking for a nativity set I know I have here...used it several years ago. Put it away in a plastic storage box I left in my entry hall for months & tripped & fell over it so I know what it looks like. For the life of me.....I CAN'T FIND IT.

Cleaning a house when I had a house full of white fluffy dogs with white fluffy dog fur everywhere was just too much WORK. I keep the areas I live in fairly clean so I can function. The rest I just work around.

So I understand where you are coming from

[healingme4me]

snide comments are the worst, especially when energy just is simply lacking. What things has she pointed out before? Maybe those are her peeve areas and a focus for slight of hand could help? How much baking soda do you have on hand? Mixed with dishsoap it can be a girl's best friend.

[lizardlady]

Well, plans are likely to change again.

She called me last night to tell me her cat was acting sick. This morning she texted me to say she's on her way to the vet. It's beginning to look like "Christmas" might get postponed. Part of me is disappointed, most of me is relieved. I just may get what I was hoping for... a nice quiet day at home.

Before anyone says anything about it being "just a cat", for both of us our furbabies are family. I'd no more go off and leave a sick furbaby than I would a sick human kid. I cancelled a visit to her place over the summer when one of my cats got sick.

I'm waiting to hear from her before I start any further cleaning today. Frankly, the idea of parking on my butt on the sofa for a couple of days sounds like heaven.

[eskielover]

Yes....I did nothing for Christmas this year & even told my daughter she will have to wait until her burthday in march to get her Christmas money.

With Leo dying on Dec 16 after being sick since (actually) before Aug. Then another huge vet bill jor JoGI right after Leo died. No shopping time & no craft time & NO MONEY for anything. All I have wanted to do is find a rock & crawl under it. I am so blessed that I have friends that do understand & it is good to be understanding too.

So often I have had that feeling of I will work my tail off to make something ok but when the plans change & they are apologizing....I am thinking inside.....YEA!!!!

[Nammu]

Hopefully the cat has a minor sickness. But you'll get a couple days off to just unwind and relax. Best of both worlds.

[lizardlady]

So here's the last.

The kitty has a bladder infection. My friend has to stay home to medicate him. I suggested we "do" Christmas on New Year's Day. She declined since she has to take him back to the vet next Monday.

I will definitely be spending a few days at home not doing much of anything. I woke up this morning feeling kind of "off." I'm feeling worse as the day goes on. My guess is that one of those little disease breeders (kids)I work around contaminated me last week.This sucks.

Ah well, pressure to clean and decorate is gone. Other than being sick it looks like I'm going to get what I hoped for during my time off. A reminder that things work out the way they are supposed to if we let them.

[downandlonely]

Glad you get a quiet and peaceful Christmas.

Hope you won't get sick and that your friend's cat will be ok.