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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#1
Just out of curiosity, if someone is mad at you, would you prefer someone to yell at you or be very sarcastic and give backhanded compliments? For me, I would rather someone be very sarcastic and give backhanded compliments. The reason is because I know it's possible for people who yell and scream to lose control of themselves.
They may become unpredictable. I've known some people in the past and still know people now that scream when they are angry. They may resort to hitting, throwing stuff, stomping around, and just generally making a fool of themselves. I don't think yelling is a good idea since it only provokes fear and may even cause someone to respond negatively even if they are not the subject of the person's anger. When I see someone losing total control of themselves, I'm always ready for them to either hit, throw something, or just be very irrational especially if there is no good reason for the anger. Meanwhile, I know some other people that, instead of yelling and losing control of themselves, they will resort to sarcasm and giving out backhanded compliments. Not saying it is any nicer. It can still be rude, but I don't feel like I am on guard for any swift and unreasonable actions the person may do. Basically, I feel more at ease with someone who just resorts to sarcasm and backhanded compliments. The only downfall for some people would be if they don't understand sarcasm, they may not catch on that someone is angry, which could anger the person who is being sarcastic even more. I've seen that happen a few times unfortunately. Overall, I find it easier to deal with someone who is being sarcastic and delivering snarky, snide, and calculating backhanded compliments over someone who is screaming their face off and may even appear to be unpredictable. What would you guys prefer? Just wondered what you all thought. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
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#2
I don’t understand sarcasm much. So yeah I’d rather have that then them yell at me.
But I can understand when someone’s being passive aggressive. My store manager is so good at it. One time he asked me if I could work a Sunday and I said no and he said in a “nice” tone “ I thought you couldn’t but I wanted to ask anyways” and I was so amazed at how well he did it. I mean you had to really pay attention to notice he was being passive aggressive. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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rdgrad15
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2020
Location: Earth
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#3
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#4
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#5
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Legendary
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#6
I don't often get sarcasm. It's easier for me if people tell me they're angry. When they're sarcastic it goes over my head and then they are frustrated until I don't get it until it boils over and they end up yelling anyway. So I don't think sarcasm works as well as honest anger.
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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Human
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#8
I'd actually prefer to be yelled at because at least then the confrontation has started and I don't have to guess what's making them angry. It's very challenging to confront passive aggressive people who make snide, back-handed remarks. I know yelling can be frightening, but at least the person is just being straightforward. Backhanded remarks are too much of a game for me to deal with. And in my experience people can be shaped to behave better when they are angry versus unlearn passive aggressiveness. IME.
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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mote.of.soul, rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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seesaw
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#10
I choose neither....I don’t put up with that sort of
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lizardlady, possum220, rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#11
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#12
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
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#13
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Legendary
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#14
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rdgrad15, Sometimes psychotic
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Magnate
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#15
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Guest
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#16
I used to be more tolerant at being yelled at, because I grew up around a lot of it, but I'm not so much anymore. I certainly don't like sarcastic false compliments or passive aggressive behavior. Nowadays, if I am yelled at I tend to just exit stage left. When receiving the latter two, I more quickly call the person out on it. After almost 50 years of life, I don't put up with any of that crap anymore. Luckily, my husband doesn't tend to do any of these things, especially the latter two.
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rdgrad15, Sometimes psychotic
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#17
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Anonymous46341
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Legendary
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#18
If I’d get yelled at, that person gets their truth off their chest. I can ignore it or respond in some way.
The other option starts a toxic game. It’s too much effort for me to play it. I don’t have the patience for it. I’d rather have a shouting match and get it over with than a game of wits that takes time. I find that more stressful, as I’d be ruminating over that vs the shouting is over quickly. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#19
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Member
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#20
I learned to develop teeth to bite when this is occurring. It's difficult but very healthy to protect yourself as it helps mentally in the long run.
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rdgrad15
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