[sarahsweets]

I do. We had to move my daughters' b-day party to tomorrow. (she's 17). I have a very very old house(over 200 years) and while that sounds like it could be neat, over the years, previous people just slapped quick fixes on stuff. My furniture doesnt match, carpets are horrible. Kitchen and bathroom has a leak. So many things are always under repair. I am having family over and I know that they are not under the impression that I am some neat person but I have so much to do and am overwhelmed. I work for the census now so I have that from 9-1 this morning. I have to make potato salad, pasta salad and grocery shop. I need to clean the kitchen and bathroom from top to bottom. I need to straighten my laundry room because coming in from the back yard you cut through there. Its an outside deal because of covid but people will need to come into use the bathroom and stuff. The yard is ok, have to clean up the furniture. How can I get this all done without freaking out>>>???

[Mountaindewed]

Yeah I always just hide when we have people over. It makes me nervous because I know I’ll eventually have to face them. I try to just deal with it but I always fail.

[eskielover]

Lol....my dogs bark continually when anyone comes in the house or even rings the doorbell. Best excuse for never having people come over. Will be interesting when my neighbor comes over to redo my kitchen pipes in my basement so they quit clogging up. Will probably put them outside in their x-pen

[divine1966]

We just had a big gathering in my brothers back yard. No one went inside for anything except me, I went to use the bathroom because I just can’t hold. So I’d say if it’s outside gathering people must stay outside. Of course bathroom is an issue but it should be in and out and it’s likely going to be only few people

[*Beth*]

I very, very seldom have people over. When I have I enjoyed it.

I hear you. It sounds overwhelming.

[luvyrself]

Recently my secret weapon is neighborhood high school students.
I advertised on Nextdoor, the community forum, for a dog walker. The sweetest boy responded. He was always on time.
Today, a boy came to my door and offerred to pull weeds. Voila!
I like that kind of initiative.
Hugs, Sarah!

[CANDY4339]

I feel for you but there is no way i would sign on for that kind of situation. Especially by choice. I feel like im invaded all the time with people who just want to come visit. I would love if they would just send a text no need to stop over. But they come all the same. All i can think of while there here at my house is how long do they plan on staying or what excuse i can come up with that would give me a reason for cutting the visit short. One time it actually came down to me leaving and they all stayed. I dont understand why people dont get that im not comfortable having anyone in my home. Theres others i live with and that is hard enough. As is i live in my room in my home so if people come to visit me they have to come in my room to visit. Would any of you be comfortable visiting a person who stayed in their room. ? Its crazy i dont get it but it doesnt seem to bother any of the people that I know. They just dont get it.

[TishaBuv]

I shove things in other rooms and close the door. . The cleaning is something I don’t mind doing and glad I have reason to do. Not too much has to get done. Just be sure to have toilet paper in the bathroom and a clean toilet. . I like entertaining, don’t mind shopping for and preparing food. I’ve made many nice dinner parties.

But—

Celebrations and events became a very stressful, dysfunctional endeavor because my husband, mother, or his parents gave me a tug-o-war over the years. Now there’s no more joy in it for me and the anxiety is debilitating.

The whole f’n family fell apart and the last holiday was somber after our son turned on and abandoned us.

But, who I once was originally, before all the drama, was a fun-loving, gracious hostess. Yikes do I sound like a piece of work!

[rechu]

Where I used to live, I was so embarrassed, I never had people over apart from one neighbor couple. We rented an older house from an elderly landlord that thought she was not responsible for maintenance, always pleading poverty. The kitchen roof leaked, the floor was this gross ancient parquet that was coming p in places. Nothing in that house had been decently upgraded in 60 years, things were just painted and patched over - when anything was done at all. We weren't going to pay for any major fixes, obviously, since it wasn't our house and it wasn't our fault she neglected to maintain it. My neighbor had the same problems, so she understood!

Once a friend of mine in another country called. Her daughter was in our city and had missed a flight and she wanted to know if her daughter could stay with me. I had to make up an excuse about the dogs not liking visitors and offer to get her at the airport and take her to a hostel.


Now we own a new house but haven't seen many visitors since we had to move kind of far to be able to afford anything.

The only plus about that old, disgusting house is that the rent was low so it allowed us to save up the down payment to buy our place. At one point we looked at moving but rents in any decent area were double what we were paying, which would have made it tough to save money.

Hugs, I hope it goes okay!!

[Soupe du jour]

In such cases as you describe, it can be good to find an inexpensive yet still pleasant restaurant to host people. Near me, there is a pizzeria restaurant that is a couple notches above the normal pizzeria, and yet the prices are not bad at all. The atmosphere is also nice.

I do get nervous hosting people, sometimes. I love to cook, and am good at it, but have a perfectionism thing going on. Even when I have close family, other than my husband. One thing I absolutely hate is when guests come into my kitchen while I'm preparing the last stages of the meal. It got to the point where I demanded that my husband prevent them from entering the kitchen. I even had my husband put a 1970s like beaded thingamajiggy in the doorway to the kitchen from the living room, so I would have more privacy and it deters them from entering.

My husband is a European, so we have had his family and friends from Europe stay with us. Once his sister invited herself with her husband and two adult children to stay with us over Christmas. They stayed more than a week. I can sort of do a few days, but more than that is overwhelming. Once he let a husband of a deceased friend come with his two teenage daughters. The daughters were afraid to speak even their own language let alone English, even though they studied it. We called them "the mutes". The husband of that deceased friend was obnoxious. He wanted me to pack lunches for them every day they went into NYC, then wait for them and have dinner ready for their return. The girls sometimes didn't like the American food I made. I sometimes made their cuisine, but thought they'd enjoy the American experience a little. Not! They were only supposed to stay three days, but kept extending for over a week. Never felt so happy to see anyone gone!

[2inchtallman]

Haha! I can feel for you with the anxiety you're feeling! But living in a 200 year old house sounds both exciting, yet no lack of adventures with the maintenance and upkeep issues! Thanks for sharing this post.

[Medusax]

I grew up in an older home and I miss it. I have an older home now and even after 12+ years we have still not moved in. Here's the thing....I don't have guests. I don't LIKE anyone in my house except a couple of very close friends. It is YOUR house. I understand that other's within your family need friends and have activities, but if they don't like what they see? There are two words......and they are not "Happy Birthday". I hope the intruders go away quickly and pose as little annoyance as possible.

[Nammu]

My mother goes crazy and cleans like she’s expecting Mary poplins to white glove her house. Her house is always clean but if someone calls and says there going to pop by she cleans more.

[princesscookie19]

Well not really because I live in as a IP(In patent) But when I do meet up for lunch I always prepare for the worse like bring my sun glasses, My kindle, Comfortable clothes,Earrings and nose ring in and I also bring some sort of presents like cupcakes and flowers something small . Im allowed to have a boy friend and hes over 40yrs who is much older than me but I still enjoy his company

I learned from my mom early that cleaning when company comes is normal. She would miss church sometimes if she knew company was coming. I kind of felt sorry for her, it was like she was very embarrassed about every little thing.

I now dont live alone, but at my dads. I've actually enjoyed getting things clean. I find if the bathroom is clean and things aren't completely disarrayed I'm good with that. There was piles of laundry and very dirty windows, mopping and cobwebs everywhere. I like it looked loved in though. It's normal to have a mess, it's called living , to me. If I lived like my mom most of my life would be spent on cleaning. It's a never ending job with 5 people living here.

Old old house too. This threads been around for a while but it's interesting how everyone has their way of preparing for company coming. If someone just shows up, I now tell myself, relax, its dirt and normal. Having food and a clean bathroom is what I like to have, if someone drops by. Thanks for making this thread sarahsweets. :-)

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I do. We had to move my daughters' b-day party to tomorrow. (she's 17). I have a very very old house(over 200 years) and while that sounds like it could be neat, over the years, previous people just slapped quick fixes on stuff. My furniture doesnt match, carpets are horrible. Kitchen and bathroom has a leak. So many things are always under repair. I am having family over and I know that they are not under the impression that I am some neat person but I have so much to do and am overwhelmed. I work for the census now so I have that from 9-1 this morning. I have to make potato salad, pasta salad and grocery shop. I need to clean the kitchen and bathroom from top to bottom. I need to straighten my laundry room because coming in from the back yard you cut through there. Its an outside deal because of covid but people will need to come into use the bathroom and stuff. The yard is ok, have to clean up the furniture. How can I get this all done without freaking out>>>???

Oh I totally understand. I hate having people over. Needing to straighten up and make your house look presentable in order to avoid judgment is a pain. Is there any way you could have the party elsewhere? Either that or postpone it so you have more time to clean. I hate having company over so I totally understand.

[Moose72]

No, I keep my new apartment tidy so I don't worry if someone stops by.

[Deilla]

I rarely have anyone over. My sister used to come to visit but I would have to straighten up. Now I am looking for family help just to keep the place decent enough for me.

[Purple box euphoria]

I can't help it. I will try to excuse myself if there are visitors coming to our house. I will let my partner entertain them no matter if they are friends or family. If sometimes I had no choice but to talk with them, after almost 20 minutes being with the crowd, I feel my energy is draining already and I would eventually try to pretend that I'm not there and ignore them all. Of course I know that's rude, I feel bad, but I have to do it to preserve myself from overwhelming and blowing my head off. It's never easy having this condition.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Purple box euphoria

I can't help it. I will try to excuse myself if there are visitors coming to our house. I will let my partner entertain them no matter if they are friends or family. If sometimes I had no choice but to talk with them, after almost 20 minutes being with the crowd, I feel my energy is draining already and I would eventually try to pretend that I'm not there and ignore them all. Of course I know that's rude, I feel bad, but I have to do it to preserve myself from overwhelming and blowing my head off. It's never easy having this condition.

I totally get it. Unless I am with a very close friend or someone else I really like, I hate interacting with company. I will be alone as much as I possibly can. I keep conversations short and simple. I don't reveal too much of my personal life even if it is family. They don't need to know my personal life. I totally understand where you're coming from.

[MuseumGhost]

Dear sarahsweets, Please, won't you tell us how your gathering went, and how you did what you needed to do? I see the post is from August.

My short answer to your question is: Yes. But the opportunity doesn't arise very much.

I have no children; husband's work schedule is nuts; friends don't cross the border to come see me since I left the States; my in-laws are either too far away or complete anti-social types. So I live in relative undisturbed, unbroken quiet.

Mental, and now physical, ill health have made it tough for me to have drop-in visitors. So it just doesn't happen.

Besides which, in my experience, the warmest, most welcoming houses I've ever been in have been places where REAL people lived...kitchen mess, imperfect carpets, mis-matched towels, even a hastily made bed, always a reality. People can see past the surface, and appreciate people who are authentic and caring.

You're not alone, miss sarah! Anyone who has any kind of domicile knows there's work involved. And lots of it, quite often.

Wishing you peace and calm.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by MuseumGhost

Dear sarahsweets, Please, won't you tell us how your gathering went, and how you did what you needed to do? I see the post is from August.

My short answer to your question is: Yes. But the opportunity doesn't arise very much.

I have no children; husband's work schedule is nuts; friends don't cross the border to come see me since I left the States; my in-laws are either too far away or complete anti-social types. So I live in relative undisturbed, unbroken quiet.

Mental, and now physical, ill health have made it tough for me to have drop-in visitors. So it just doesn't happen.

Besides which, in my experience, the warmest, most welcoming houses I've ever been in have been places where REAL people lived...kitchen mess, imperfect carpets, mis-matched towels, even a hastily made bed, always a reality. People can see past the surface, and appreciate people who are authentic and caring.

You're not alone, miss sarah! Anyone who has any kind of domicile knows there's work involved. And lots of it, quite often.

Wishing you peace and calm.

Hey I’m so sorry I didn’t come back to this thread. Life got in the way. I’m on my phone now but will get on the laptop after my daughter goes to school and thoroughly update everyone.

[Prycejosh1987]

Just be yourself and relax, having someone over is a good thing, its even better for you because its your backyard.

[Bipolarchic14]

I don’t even invite people over and when someone tries to come over unexpectedly I hide, literally. It’s really bad. I want to be seen as a normal person, but then I do stupid ***** like that!