[Phrysca]

I 'd like to show some appreciation for the forum. I may not have used it much as I know I could have, but the little bit I did, was worth the effort All my life there was always a problem. Either that or I was the problem. And it all began at home. that eventually led to their betrayal and this forum was as close to some kind of outlet, when I had absolutely no one. And then the quarantine with this pandemic which gave me the opportunity to actually sit with myself and dig deep just who I was because I wasn't going to let anyone else to do it for me anymore.

We are our own worst enemy - or so I thought until my worse enemies were the ones I grew up with so I don't trust anyone anymore. I won't let anyone hurt me the way my own family did. With this forum the chats, posts, stories, and even its sisters sites were of some solice to me. I would really like to thank God first and then the forum and would like to share my out come. One day, just like that things started to look better in a brand new light. If course not everything turned out the way I wanted it to, but I can't have it all. Besides I CAN'T CHANGE ANTYTHING AFTER THE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE AND YET THEY BLAME ME FOR THAT DAMAGE. If they just opened their eyes... I can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do, either.

So having no choice but to move on I started to move forward by getting an ID (since mine had been stolen three times - I hesitated) but I finally have one and the first thing I did was sign up for things. There is a program called the JobsNow! And they pay about eighty percent of your wages while employed under a company of your choice too. Anyway I signed up to join another program to get training followed by a paid internship with a very known local hospital. On top of that I joined a gigs platform. They are moving slow but there must be a reason for a little delay.

I knew that once I got myself to move I wouldn't stop at just moving. And a part of that was because I joined this platform. Again it may not seem like too much, but to me it has been enough to wake me up from my sleeping giant. I guess the freedom and not being obligated to have to talk to someone to have to express yourself and doing it on your own pace was all I needed. Again literally I was alone. What helped the most was for me to grieve. Since 2013 I have lost a brother-in-law, an actual brother, a cousin who grew up with us, my children's father, his mother, my grandmother's on both parents side, and just before her 70th birthday the women who practically saved my life by simply opening her door to me, passed away.

That is just to name a few. About the only thing I still need to work on is my anger, but I hope that begins to subside when I begin something new in my life like work and training. I hope everything works out for me. Oh and I like to add that I have become my own biggest fan because no on else is doing it and seeing that I wasn't dying any time soon after going through what I went through I figured that much is true so since I'm here I have to make the best of it and to keep motivated I keep telling, more like trying to convince myself, that I am going to do this and everything is going to be just fine (with fear that is making me shake).

[Yaowen]

Dear Phrysca,

Thanks for sharing that!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen