advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
lizardlady
Legendary
 
lizardlady's Avatar
lizardlady has no update
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 17,463 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
7,501 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Trig Dec 24, 2020 at 08:22 PM
  #1
Like most of the world I've been struggling to maintain a positive attitude and good mental health during this last year. This week I threw in the towel. I effing give up.

We're supposed to make lemonade when live tosses us lemons, right? I'm sick to death of making lemonade.

Since Covid started the only people I've interacted with were co-workers, clients and strangers in stores. I don't even see co-workers much because we are working from home. Sad state of affairs when I drive to the office to hang out with the boss and office manager in order to be around people.

I'd been looking forward to spending Christmas with a friend and her relatives. The relatives had to cancel because of their states quarantine rules. At Thanksgiving I told my friend I would still come up, bringing Christmas dinner with me. Last week she mentioned she was talking to her neighbor and told her that she didn't have plans for the day. So they arranged to get together. WTF!?!?!? (PLEASE don't anyone start a discussion of why friend did this. At this point I am hurt enough that I don't give a teeny, tiny rat's arse why she did it.) This leaves me alone for the holiday. I am well aware that there are a ton of people alone this holiday. Right now I hurt and don't have any compassion left to share.

It turns out I would not have been able to go anywhere for the holiday anyway. I've been caring for a sick horse since early November. Initially it was every two hours around the clock. It's less frequently than that now, but it's still multiple times a day.

There's a productivity push on at work. There's talk of positions being cut if we don't get numbers up.

There's the unrest in this country that has gone on for months and is still going on. PUH-LEEZE do not turn this into a political discussion. It's been stressful for everyone, regardless what side of any issue you might be on. My point is that the unrest is stressful.

I've been able to roll with each thing that came along until the last few weeks. I'm usually big on focusing on what I have control over and what I don't and letting go of the stuff I have no control over. It's not working anymore. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted.

I just wanted a small reprieve to spend a few hours with other human beings doing holiday stuff. Instead I'm at home with the critters, medicating the horse and feeling left out.

The depression demon is free of its cage and stomping around my head.

Sorry, big ole pity party here.....
lizardlady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Deilla, downandlonely, FooZe, Ford Puma, hvert, LiteraryLark, LuvsHorses, mote.of.soul, NatalieJastrow, Open Eyes, possum220, rise13eyond, Skeezyks, SlumberKitty, TishaBuv, TunedOut, unaluna, zapatoes

advertisement
Nammu
Crone
 
Nammu's Avatar
Nammu has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 70,982 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
53.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 24, 2020 at 08:30 PM
  #2
no words, just sitting with you.

__________________
Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann



Nammu is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
lizardlady
 
Thanks for this!
lizardlady, zapatoes
lizardlady
Legendary
 
lizardlady's Avatar
lizardlady has no update
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 17,463 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
7,501 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 24, 2020 at 08:39 PM
  #3
Thanks Nammu.
lizardlady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
zapatoes
Nammu
Crone
 
Nammu's Avatar
Nammu has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 70,982 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
53.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 24, 2020 at 10:00 PM
  #4
Anytime

__________________
Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann



Nammu is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
zapatoes
NatalieJastrow
Veteran Member
NatalieJastrow has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: LA
Posts: 505
3 yr Member
250 hugs
given
Default Dec 25, 2020 at 06:51 AM
  #5
Yeh. Not only am I not going over anyone' house, or getting any presents, there is a terrible storm here. The winds are some of the worst ever and it is just a guessing / hoping game that we will not lose power. Right now it is 60 degrees but by 6 pm it will be 28. Not to mention that you cannot sleep with winds gusts of 70 mph. And my cat is kind of terrified. So then the winds will die down, maybe, but it is going to rain ALL DAY LONG. Hard and heavy. So you won't really be able to get out and do anything.

Work is horrible... almost inhumane. We have been so busy, set a record this year for how much we have done in terms of stats. And it just never ends and no one cares. I am not even in a profit making enterprise - it is just that people aren't busy with one busy area of their work and so they keep looking at us because we are the only thing open.

I went to the doctor yesterday as I am suffering a sore throat that has been going on for a month and somehow I ended up in the covid line. But they never told me. I made an office visit (two weeks ago) and I told them I was there for a chronic sore throat that had been going on over a month. I walked in and it was like I had ebola... they told me to get out with utter panic and didn't tell me where to go. After I finally got directions... they didn't give me a covid test! UNBELIEVABLE. My doctor's advice... err... I don't know. See how it feels in a few weeks. Honestly, I feel like I should challenge the visit with my insurance. The visit was useless. And now I am wondering if this was listed as a "covid" visit because no one asked for a copay.

I am getting so tired of medical people. I had an appointment last week for a dental cleaning and I need to use my insurance benefits for the year and they just canceled on me for no reason. So I made another appointment for Tuesday but it is looking like work is going to make that impossible. The first appointment was perfect for me.. this one isn't. This always happens.. I make an appointment with a medical person and they just change it... then I have to have pressure to do it on a date and time that is difficult for me but great for them.

So that is MY pity party
NatalieJastrow is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, downandlonely, lizardlady, Nammu, Open Eyes, possum220, SlumberKitty, TishaBuv, TunedOut, zapatoes
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,303 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 25, 2020 at 02:22 PM
  #6
Hugs. These times are so tough. 2020 was absolutely one of the worst years. Ugh. I am so sorry and hope your sick horse feels better soon
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
lizardlady, zapatoes
Skeezyks
Disreputable Old Troll
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Unhappy Dec 25, 2020 at 02:22 PM
  #7
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
lizardlady, zapatoes
lizardlady
Legendary
 
lizardlady's Avatar
lizardlady has no update
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 17,463 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
7,501 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 25, 2020 at 02:33 PM
  #8
I'm in a better frame of mind today. Being able to unload yesterday helped. A good night's sleep helped too.

Today I'm trying to focus on what I can do for a positive day instead of how I wanted it to be. I have a nice fire in the fireplace. Have had cuddle time with the critters. I'm fixing myself a nice supper.

I've mentioned elsewhere I am trying to get my mom's house ready to go on the market. That's resulted in boxes and boxes of shyte to sort through pI'llling up at my house. I've been going through boxes of photo albums this afternoon. Most of them are going in the trash. Pics that were important memories for my parents, but nothing to me. BUT I found their wedding album! I never saw it before. There are pics of extended famlily I did not know existed (the pics, not the people ) It's been fun and enlightening. Not what usually what peole think of as a way to spend a holiday, but I'm enjoying it.
lizardlady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Deilla, LuvsHorses, Nammu, Open Eyes, possum220, rise13eyond, SlumberKitty, unaluna, zapatoes
 
Thanks for this!
Nammu, unaluna
rise13eyond
Member
rise13eyond has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2018
Location: Nowheresville
Posts: 233
5 yr Member
120 hugs
given
Default Dec 25, 2020 at 04:14 PM
  #9
I'm glad your feeling better dear. I hope you have a lovely holiday even if you just have animal friends with you. Things get really rough at this time of year and some people don't seem to know that mental illness does not take vacations. Well I hope your horse gets better soon and you have a good day.

__________________
Because in truth, I am that monster.
We are an awkward little system that obsesses over things. We are Sam, Beyond, Stacy, Kevin, Kitty, Shannon,Link, Peyita, Stephen, Nicole, Damon, Pumpkin, Illonor, Daran,LIly. Feel free to send random cute things.
rise13eyond is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
zapatoes
 
Thanks for this!
lizardlady
Nammu
Crone
 
Nammu's Avatar
Nammu has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 70,982 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
53.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 25, 2020 at 04:26 PM
  #10
I’m. Glad too that your feeling better. Mum was going though her old photos last week. Christmas brings up lots of memories for her. Her formative years were the depression and her folks were poor. A rented house with no running water. They had a kitchen pump and an outhouse. No electric. She has memories of her dad putting her and her brothers under blankets and a tarp and hitching the horses to a wagon to go to there grandmothers for the holidays. Can you imagine! No running water, no electricity! And now she’s 92 and we have cell phones and the internet.

__________________
Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann



Nammu is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Deilla, SlumberKitty, unaluna, zapatoes
lizardlady
Legendary
 
lizardlady's Avatar
lizardlady has no update
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 17,463 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
7,501 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 25, 2020 at 07:53 PM
  #11
Nammu, my dad grew up in similar circumstances.... no electricity, no running water, no indoor plumbing, no phone. Two older brothers died of ruptured appendixes because the nearest hospital was a day away on the train. Now we carry our phone in a pocket with internet access on the phone. People cannot conceive of no indoor plumbing. The idea of no electricity is alien.
lizardlady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Nammu, SlumberKitty, unaluna, zapatoes
 
Thanks for this!
Nammu, possum220
Nammu
Crone
 
Nammu's Avatar
Nammu has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 70,982 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
53.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 25, 2020 at 08:05 PM
  #12
Just amazes me what my mum has seen in her lifetime. I think the world wide internet eclipses the man on the moon. In the 70’s computers were building sized. Like you said we now carry them in our pocket still, no spaceships tho!

__________________
Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann



Nammu is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty, zapatoes
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,303 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,274 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 27, 2020 at 11:33 AM
  #13
I grew up in the totally different world than the US. Some of the hardships people say their parents had in the US, I had in my life time, and I am only 54. We did have a landline phone but many of my neighbors did not so they would come to us to make a phone call, no voice mail or caller ID though so we never knew who called. We did have running water but we usually had no hot water during about 3-6 months out of the year so we heated water on a stove etc I’ve moved to the US in my 30s and it was still like that there! And now I am so spoiled lol I want a new model of I-phone every few years hahah
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Nammu, SlumberKitty, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, lizardlady, zapatoes
*Beth*
catches the flowers
*Beth* is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind, body, spirit.
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
23.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 27, 2020 at 12:41 PM
  #14
This year, going to the grocery store is so exciting it's like attending a big party.

__________________




*Beth* is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
lizardlady, zapatoes
The_little_didgee
Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,549
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 27, 2020 at 02:54 PM
  #15
Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags View Post
This year, going to the grocery store is so exciting it's like attending a big party.

That is so true right now.

__________________
Dx: Didgee Disorder
The_little_didgee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
zapatoes
possum220
Legendary
 
possum220's Avatar
possum220 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2009
Location: Uppa Gumtree West
Posts: 19,397 (SuperPoster!)
15 yr Member
7,983 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 28, 2020 at 01:31 AM
  #16
@lizardlady - I got so sick of the saying when life gives you lemons............... years ago.

Now when some-one says that i say 'When life gives you lemonade put the lemons in a freezer and when they are hard pelt them at those giving you grief'. Not that I can throw worth a damn but it is at least it puts a smile on faces.
possum220 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
eskielover, zapatoes
lizardlady
Legendary
 
lizardlady's Avatar
lizardlady has no update
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 17,463 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
7,501 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 28, 2020 at 07:41 AM
  #17
Oh possum, I'm sitting here chuckling. "pelt them" Love it!
lizardlady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
possum220
 
Thanks for this!
possum220, zapatoes
eskielover
Legendary Wise Elder
 
eskielover's Avatar
eskielover has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,701 (SuperPoster!)
15 yr Member
14.5k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 31, 2020 at 02:15 PM
  #18
Lol....everything was actually going beautifully Christmas day until 11am. I had the white Christmas I always pray for. House was warm & cozy & decorated for Christmas.

THEN........the electric went out. Power company said 2 hours to repair. All my horse feed was in my garage with a power door opener not working. I had filled the water containers to haul to the barn cause the hose was frozen. I was taking care of my neighbors RV they are living in while building their home & knew their heater never restarted on it's own after a power out or surge. So going there to get their heat restarted was a must too.

Electric came on after an hour.....yea, but right at the same time, my phone service died. Could only make calls & text as long as I was tied to my house wifi. Found out the phone problem was somehow related to the Nashville bombing 6 hours AFTER THE explosion.

Finally got my horse fed & watered. Then the fun of the RV heating began. Couldn't get the electric to turn over the compressor so I tried the propane. Couldn't get it to work either & couldn't call my neighbors who are in Fl to talk through the problem. The electric worked in the RV (lights & outlets) so decided to go home & bring back my spare, safe radiator type space heater. Got it plugged it & working then experimented with the other LP tank & the heater started right up. Realized they had left the LP tank open & it was probably empty. That was what my WHOLE Christmas day was like. My phone never did start working till the next morning. It will definitely be a Christmas day I will remember for a long time.....most unique one EVER.

__________________


Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
eskielover is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Nammu, NatalieJastrow, SlumberKitty
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:38 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.