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rdgrad15
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rdgrad15 Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive mental attitude! :)
 
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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 12:06 AM
  #21
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Originally Posted by ~*glass_owl*~ View Post
It's important to make peace with people from the past and make amends (not just some phony apology) and see what they taught you. I don't mean you have to approach everyone you used to know, but if you and a friend or therapist feel it safe to approach this character (like say your dad) but don't feel safe approaching another character (like say your ex) write the ex a letter and send it to an appropriate place.

I heard it repeated here to learn from past mistakes, yes. Our brains tend to do this evil thing where we dwell on this mistake and don't realize how well we are doing now. They dwell on harms done to us. We need to let go and move on. Even with PTSD I have been able to move on with help.

Living in the present is possible with the attitude that you can. Though activities and spiritual practices. Some of these mindful activities are nostalgic, as we are creatures living from moment to moment surviving with memories of favorite foods, favorite characters, favorite books, favorite music...etc we become attached to the familiar. Too much of this and we pay high prices on eBay for something we don't truly need and doesn't truly make us happy. Too little and we feel a loss of identity, because all of us grow old and all of us old people need old things to keep us happy and feel young again. Even if it's just a song we haven't heard in a while. I just had that feeling today from a not so old 90s song, nostalgia. It made me feel sad, happy, and it brought back some memory of mom driving me to school on a random day.
Yeah I agree that we can get so caught up on the past and how others may have done us wrong that we fail to live in the present. We need to strive to live in the present, while learning from the past and have them as lessons to ensure the same mistakes aren't made again, without dwelling on it too much at the same time. Easier said than done.
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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 10:13 AM
  #22
I think the old adage ,that you learn from your past and learn from your life experiences. Otherwise imo. you will get stuck in that exact question and go back & forth This is just from my own hard life s..t. I think part of it is the very hard at times to declaw from those negative of the past. Which can take some time and therapy. People always tell mee and I naturally am not inclined. That I am not running a sprint but more like a marathon or as I like to think A nice long bike ride that is clearing my head , both figuratively and in reality.

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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 11:57 AM
  #23
I need to accept my past and realize I was doing what I could at the time with the skills and knowledge I had. It’s still hard and I try not to ruminate on it. I’m also trying now not to make the same mistakes. Mainly I’m trying to be more assertive and change situations so they don’t end up the same way they did before.

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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 12:16 PM
  #24
I live in the past way too much. I loved raising my sons. We had quite a unique family, and I love remembering those times. I worry the heck out of my kids now, trying to get them to remember different things that happened in our lives that they just don't recall. They are busy raising families and are happy with that.

I definitely haven't let go of the past.

I have learned a lot from the past as well-I know terrible mistakes I've made, but not letting go of my children and moving on is something I haven't managed to do. I'm woring on it. They still love me, and we still have a great relationship. I miss their childhood though. We were all so special, I can't believe they don't remember it.
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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 05:27 PM
  #25
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Originally Posted by metamorphosis12 View Post
I think the old adage ,that you learn from your past and learn from your life experiences. Otherwise imo. you will get stuck in that exact question and go back & forth This is just from my own hard life s..t. I think part of it is the very hard at times to declaw from those negative of the past. Which can take some time and therapy. People always tell mee and I naturally am not inclined. That I am not running a sprint but more like a marathon or as I like to think A nice long bike ride that is clearing my head , both figuratively and in reality.
I agree. You can learn from your past but at the same time, very easy to get stuck on ruminating and how things could have been different or even how things may have seemed happier at that time.
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rdgrad15
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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 05:28 PM
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I need to accept my past and realize I was doing what I could at the time with the skills and knowledge I had. It’s still hard and I try not to ruminate on it. I’m also trying now not to make the same mistakes. Mainly I’m trying to be more assertive and change situations so they don’t end up the same way they did before.
Yeah it can be hard to accept the past for what it is.
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rdgrad15
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Default Jan 15, 2021 at 05:34 PM
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I live in the past way too much. I loved raising my sons. We had quite a unique family, and I love remembering those times. I worry the heck out of my kids now, trying to get them to remember different things that happened in our lives that they just don't recall. They are busy raising families and are happy with that.

I definitely haven't let go of the past.

I have learned a lot from the past as well-I know terrible mistakes I've made, but not letting go of my children and moving on is something I haven't managed to do. I'm woring on it. They still love me, and we still have a great relationship. I miss their childhood though. We were all so special, I can't believe they don't remember it.
Yeah I'm sure that is frustrating that your kids don't remember. How old were they? It is possible they were too young or they just have a bad memory. I barely remember my childhood before the age of 8. And even from the age of 8 to around 16, well into my teenage years, is pretty blurry to me. Basically the more stronger vivid memories started in high school in the Fall of 2006 and even those are starting to fade a bit. The memories that will most likely stick with me are memories of college and I'm sure I'll even forget parts of that. In fact, I had someone tell me I did some stuff or activities we attended in college that I have no memory of, and I wasn't a party goer either so alcohol was not involved. My college years were from 2010-2015. Unless they are just messing with me, good chance I just simply forgot about it. So it is possible that your kids genuinely just don't remember their childhoods which can be sad for you, understandably so.
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Default Jan 20, 2021 at 10:42 AM
  #28
I think you're living in the past if you're stuck there and on a mental loop. If you can shift focus pretty easily, you're not living in the past.
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Default Jan 21, 2021 at 12:05 AM
  #29
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Originally Posted by KD1980 View Post
I think you're living in the past if you're stuck there and on a mental loop. If you can shift focus pretty easily, you're not living in the past.
Yep I agree. That makes sense. We all dwell on the past at some point, but it's when your stuck in a loop that it becomes a real problem. And even more so when depression or other mental illnesses are brought into play.
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