Difference between learning from the past and living in the past

I've wondered, what is the difference between learning from the past and living in the past? I know I like to learn from past mistakes and remember them so I don't make the same mistake again, but at the same time, I've wondered if that can be considered living in the past as well. I tend to also get nostalgic very easily. I figured that living in the past is dwelling too much, which we probably all do at some point, but learning from the past is more like remembering past mistakes to prevent them from happening again. I could be wrong but that's what I always thought. Also, is it possible those two can interchange? Like, you are so focused on your past mistakes to prevent them from reoccurring that it is basically living in the past? I've wondered that but wasn't sure.

Also in terms of seeing places I used to be at frequently, it tends to bring a sense of longing for the past but at the same time, I'm able to create new memories and focus on stuff in the present. Wasn't sure where the line is between healthy nostalgic feelings and outright living in the past. I'm guessing it has to do with the frequency of these feelings but wasn't sure. Does anyone find themselves living in the past? Do you think about past mistakes a lot in order to prevent them? Part of the way I prevent nostalgic feelings is not being at the places I used to frequent a lot. And in terms of past mistakes, I like to remember them and learn from them, but I don't think about them every single day.

I used to live in the past a lot. I wished I had a time machine to go back and undo past mistakes. Wouldn't that be nice? But now I have learned to focus more on what is happening in the present. I think some nostalgia is normal, but spending hours a day daydreaming about the past can make depression worse.

Yes I agree, I wish I could go back and fix mistakes in the past as well. But since that is not possible, I just learn from them and make sure they don't happen again. As for daydreaming and persistent nostalgic feelings for hours every day, yes that is definitely unhealthy. I never go to that length. For me, it may be just a few minutes and then it's gone, I move onto something else. I agree that spending too much reminiscing about the past can make depression worse.

It’s important to address the past, but then it’s important to attempt to improve your present. When all people do is agonize over what happened all while their present life is in shambles, then they are not learning any lessons at all.

In addition some people like to be stuck in their childhood because it’s easier, it absolves them from responsibility. If they see themselves as crying babies instead of capable grown ups well into adulthood and often old age, then they don’t have to take charge in any fields of their lives. Don’t have to take care of anything. Someone else will take care of things: parents, spouse, siblings, charities, government. Growing up requires learning life lessons, addressing the past but taking charge of one’s present life. It could be scary.

Being stuck in the past must be emotionally draining but it’s easier way to live because you can stay passive and disengaged all while others take care of you. Miserable life if you ask me.

Having said that, if people feel stuck in the past they might need to seek help. Like looking for a good therapist. It could be too hard to get unstuck without help. But seeking help again requires taking charge of one’s life

I had a friend who shared so many experiences with me in the past. We’d reminisce about them in the present. After we talked about all of the old times, she kept bringing them up. I felt like we should be moving forward to making new memories in the present. That’s living in the past to me.

For those of us who have unresolved issues from the past, we need to revisit it to learn and grow. The length of time that takes is unknown; it just takes what it takes. It might need so much reflection that it feels like you are living in the past. You need to see light at the end of the tunnel.

Yep makes sense. I agree, being stuck in the past and having others take care of you so you don't have to take responsibility has to be a miserable way to live. Then you're not independent and also may be seen as unreliable in other people's eyes. Yeah there are some people who can't seem to free themselves from the past and a therapist would need to guide them in some way. I agree that addressing the past in moderation is okay, I do that myself, but there is definitely a difference between taking lessons learned from the past and non-stop rumination to the point where you basically can't live or can't be independent.

Wow that has to be so energy draining. Constantly hearing about the past like that. Yeah I've been in that position to where someone just talks about the past non-stop. It's one thing to bring up the past at times with other people, especially on here, as learning lessons, but to be so stuck in the past that you can't live in the present and make new memories is very tiring. I remember back in college, someone who I know longer hang out with did that.

After a break up that she initiated out of control, she kept on mentioning everything that reminded her of their relationship. Like, "Oh, I remember sitting on that bench and talking about stuff." Oh, we kissed for the first time in this hallway." Or, "At this time last year, we were doing this stuff." That went on for a very long time. I understand doing that for a bit, but doing that for months, even over a year afterwards, became too much. I totally get how that feels to be around someone who brings up the past so much like that.

i dwell in the past a lot .. but when im back there i get stuck back there dredging up and rehashing over and over and .. the times and how and who the people are that i got all my old wounds from.
wondering , if karma has caught em yet and if so how badly it has and sending "vodoo vibes" to karma to kick em harder and make things worse on em...
wondering how to track em down, dreaming up elaborate plots of how to get my revenge...
once something has triggered me to go back there, all the wounds open back up like happened this morning, all the emotions erupt right back fresh as new , i can not stop any of it it just all of the sudden happens and here i go again..
it takes quite a long time before im able to settle myself back down afterwards sometimes its weeks before im over it.

I'm sorry you are struggling with it. Have you talked to someone about it?

I used to live in the past a lot. Now I rarely think about the past. Except I do think about last January and February sometimes. I can’t even remember specific peoples names or incidents from when I was a teenager that used to really bug me. I think it’s a change in hormones thing for me. Stuff just doesn’t bother me the way it used to. I still freak out sometimes about the future.

yes but while everyone can see ive got some major issues no one knows what the heck to do about them.

Yeah I used to think about the past a lot too. And I still do to an extent, I take the mistakes in the past and remember them as a learning lesson but I don't dwell on it hours a day like I did back in high school. And as for remembering the good times, I try not to frequent those places as much since it brings up painful memories. Good memories, but they are memories of those who either lost contact, which happens, or those who, unfortunately, are no longer around. I actually struggle with that a little more. But even then, I try not to think about it too much. In fact, now that a friend has moved to a different location, I no longer need to go to the places I used to frequent a lot. No longer need to do so.

It takes time to heal. The fact that you've gone for help is a step in the right direction.

Here is my take on it after outstanding therapy & starting a new life fir myself in a whole new location that had no past for me only a future.

First off, I have learned NEW SKILLS from my past experiences. I don't have to continually think about the past to enact those skills because they are now just a normal part of my life like eating or breathing. Those new skills put in practice until they become our new way is what our focus needs to be on, not the past itself.

This is what my T worked on most & it has changed my life from where it was 13 1/2 years ago when I first moved here.

When we get trapped in past details instead of concepts learned from them, that is when we get stuck living in the past. I have a new life & I am thriving beyond anything I ever experienced in my past even though I had a successful computer engineering career. I would never want to go back even in my mind to the life I had but I learned so much that has given me the freedom to live my life totally in the present & love it & thrive like never before

Great post eskie. I agree that one thing is remembering the past and focusing on learning some concept from the past and another story is going over and over every little detail with no end in sight and then still not learning anything from it.

Yep that actually makes sense and is a great approach to keeping the skills you have learned without living in the past.

Yep I agree. Ruminating on the past can lead to depression and hinder your ability to move on.

It is sorta like the college classes I have had. When I get bogged down in the details instead if the concepts involved I never took with me the real value of what the class offered so I could apply the concepts to even other things in my life

Yeah true makes sense.

It's important to make peace with people from the past and make amends (not just some phony apology) and see what they taught you. I don't mean you have to approach everyone you used to know, but if you and a friend or therapist feel it safe to approach this character (like say your dad) but don't feel safe approaching another character (like say your ex) write the ex a letter and send it to an appropriate place.

I heard it repeated here to learn from past mistakes, yes. Our brains tend to do this evil thing where we dwell on this mistake and don't realize how well we are doing now. They dwell on harms done to us. We need to let go and move on. Even with PTSD I have been able to move on with help.

Living in the present is possible with the attitude that you can. Though activities and spiritual practices. Some of these mindful activities are nostalgic, as we are creatures living from moment to moment surviving with memories of favorite foods, favorite characters, favorite books, favorite music...etc we become attached to the familiar. Too much of this and we pay high prices on eBay for something we don't truly need and doesn't truly make us happy. Too little and we feel a loss of identity, because all of us grow old and all of us old people need old things to keep us happy and feel young again. Even if it's just a song we haven't heard in a while. I just had that feeling today from a not so old 90s song, nostalgia. It made me feel sad, happy, and it brought back some memory of mom driving me to school on a random day.