advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Werewoman
Poohbah
 
Werewoman's Avatar
Werewoman Is a bit, well...wered.
 
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,472
8 yr Member
1,217 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 17, 2021 at 09:21 PM
  #1
Does anyone else feel this way?

A year ago I went on disability. I finally gave in because I couldn't seem to keep a job to save my life. It wasn't for a lack of quality in my work. In that sense, they always found me impressive, especially my being a female in a man's world. I couldn't keep a job because ALWAYS there would be someone there who didn't like me (why?) and would trigger my CPTSD and that in turn can and often does, send me into a downward spiral of untreatable depression. I had to walk off the job.

Now, here I am, about to turn 59, and I have nothing to look forward to for the rest of my life. I have tons of experience and talents and nowhere to use them anymore. I've had to step down from CASA because I can no longer perform as effectively as I used to and that could jeapordize the best interest of the children. I also gave up being a Domme because rule #1 is safety and the ketamine infusions could cause me to injure myself and not know it, or worse, dissociate and hurt someone else.

I sit here thinking and thinking that there's got to be something out there for me, but I just keep coming up blank.

I grew up in a family where if you didn't work and pull your own weight, you didn't eat. Granted, no one is withholding food from me, but I just can't stand being a burden on both my husband and the government.

I just don't want to be sick anymore.

__________________



You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams

Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd
Werewoman is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, downandlonely, unaluna
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*

advertisement
Que Sera Sera
Legendary
Que Sera Sera has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2020
Location: johnson city tn
Posts: 11,731 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
6 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 17, 2021 at 10:51 PM
  #2
slap slap slap you silly girl.. burdan my behind! you stop that nonsence right here & right now you hear me? turn that frown upside down and snap yourself back to living your life again.
you arent a burden to a darn soul. your husband most certainly is not going throw you to the curb because u arent earning your keep in the household anymore.
you PAID IN the money you are getting from the government.
now ... given that several areas will be limited in some copacity .. just stop and think a bit of allll the talents and experience and knowledge and skills you have to offer.
what you no longer can do or want to do or are able to do are NOT the only opportunities that are out there and available to you.
volunteer, substitute, temp, use your career skills and
work in another field of business, learn new skills, try working in a new line of work...
the possibilities are endless and as the attage goes .. "every pot has a lid that fits".
you put a lid on your pity party and you get out there and go find yourself that place that fits you perfectly.
Que Sera Sera is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
unaluna, Werewoman
 
Thanks for this!
unaluna, Werewoman
lizardlady
Legendary
 
lizardlady's Avatar
lizardlady has no update
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 17,463 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
7,501 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 18, 2021 at 09:12 AM
  #3
Quote:
I have nothing to look forward to for the rest of my life. I have tons of experience and talents and nowhere to use them anymore.
How about using your experience and knowledge to volunteer somewhere?
lizardlady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Werewoman
 
Thanks for this!
RoxanneToto, Werewoman
Werewoman
Poohbah
 
Werewoman's Avatar
Werewoman Is a bit, well...wered.
 
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,472
8 yr Member
1,217 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 18, 2021 at 03:18 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by lizardlady View Post

How about using your experience and knowledge to volunteer somewhere?
I've been a volunteer Court Appointed Special Advocate or CASA for the last 20 years.

My husband wants me to volunteer at the new animal shelter when it opens. I signed up to foster exotics because I love snakes, lizards, hedgehogs, and any other pet that's not a cat or dog - tho I love them too. So far no takers.

If I had it my way, I would train PTSD dogs for disabled veterans. The dogs would be free to the veterans. But just like every other idea I've had in the last couple of years, someone shoots me down for whatever reason.

I have experience building wire harnesses for boats, vehicles, and specialty applications and if I save up enough money I could buy the tools I'd need but how would I go about finding customers? I'm stuck on that part. I hope I can figure it out.

I admit, I am simply having a pity party. Of all the things I've thought about being over the decades, bipolar was not one of them. I still struggle to accept and cope with it. This morning I had a meltdown because my husband told me I keep buying blueberry muffin mix. I have absolutely no memory of doing that. When we got home, I looked in the kitchen cabinet and there's 4 boxes of blueberry muffin mix. I am so disturbed by my memory problems. I dissociate more as I get older.

I'm sure at some point things will get better but not today.

__________________



You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams

Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd
Werewoman is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, downandlonely, lizardlady, RoxanneToto
lizardlady
Legendary
 
lizardlady's Avatar
lizardlady has no update
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 17,463 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
7,501 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 18, 2021 at 06:11 PM
  #5
Werewoman, I have a physical problem that has taken away many of the things I used to love doing. Some days I'm okay with the limitations. Others, I rant and rave about how unfair it is. You go ahead and have your pity party hon. Some days we just have to give into it. When I'm having one of those days I give myself a time limit on how long I'm allowed to feel sorry for myself. Then I dust myself off and get on with life.
lizardlady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes, RoxanneToto, Werewoman
 
Thanks for this!
Werewoman
*Beth*
catches the flowers
*Beth* is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind, body, spirit.
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
23.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 18, 2021 at 06:32 PM
  #6
I understand so well. I'm 58 and was a wife and an at-home mom while my children were growing up. When they left for college I worked part time. I did that for 15 years, it went really well, but the time came when I had to make some changes. I'm on SSDI and, although I don't feel like a burden to anyone (well, not too much, anyway) I also don't see a future for myself. I have talents, I have experience. I have always been a volunteer in some capacity. Prior to covid I was facilitating a NAMI Connection group (peer support). Covid has put a hold on that. I live alone and for many months I was fine, just me and my cats. Lately I'm bored out of my mind and lonely as hell. I have bipolar disorder and CPTSD. Most of the time nothing feels right and all I can see from here is downhill. I have to be on meds, but all the side effects are (as you probably know) ghastly.

So, yeah. I don't really feel like a burden, but I feel like a has-been with no successful tomorrow. I wish I had some suggestions for both of us, and for a whole lotta other women who feel the same way we do.

__________________




*Beth* is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
downandlonely, lizardlady, Werewoman
 
Thanks for this!
Werewoman
downandlonely
Legendary
 
downandlonely's Avatar
downandlonely has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
10.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 18, 2021 at 07:12 PM
  #7
@BethRags I wonder why your NAMI group was put on hold. In Texas, they moved all the groups to Zoom. I recently trained to be a volunteer over Zoom and have facilitated a couple meetings (all virtually from my home). I also teach English to immigrants virtually. A lot of non-profits have adapted and allow virtual volunteers.
downandlonely is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Werewoman
*Beth*
catches the flowers
*Beth* is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind, body, spirit.
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
23.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 18, 2021 at 08:56 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
@BethRags I wonder why your NAMI group was put on hold. In Texas, they moved all the groups to Zoom. I recently trained to be a volunteer over Zoom and have facilitated a couple meetings (all virtually from my home). I also teach English to immigrants virtually. A lot of non-profits have adapted and allow virtual volunteers.

Yes, our group is on Zoom, too. But the time it's on Zoom conflicts with my usual therapy time slot, which left me with therapy time options I don't like. My co-facilitator is leading the Zoom group for now. And too, the virtual group just doesn't feel the same to me. We lost 2 members who don't have computer access, which bothers me.

__________________




*Beth* is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Werewoman
downandlonely
Legendary
 
downandlonely's Avatar
downandlonely has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
10.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 18, 2021 at 09:48 PM
  #9
that is too bad about people without computer access.
downandlonely is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Werewoman
Werewoman
Poohbah
 
Werewoman's Avatar
Werewoman Is a bit, well...wered.
 
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,472
8 yr Member
1,217 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 19, 2021 at 11:24 AM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags View Post
I understand so well. I'm 58 and was a wife and an at-home mom while my children were growing up. When they left for college I worked part time. I did that for 15 years, it went really well, but the time came when I had to make some changes. I'm on SSDI and, although I don't feel like a burden to anyone (well, not too much, anyway) I also don't see a future for myself. I have talents, I have experience. I have always been a volunteer in some capacity. Prior to covid I was facilitating a NAMI Connection group (peer support). Covid has put a hold on that. I live alone and for many months I was fine, just me and my cats. Lately I'm bored out of my mind and lonely as hell. I have bipolar disorder and CPTSD. Most of the time nothing feels right and all I can see from here is downhill. I have to be on meds, but all the side effects are (as you probably know) ghastly.

So, yeah. I don't really feel like a burden, but I feel like a has-been with no successful tomorrow. I wish I had some suggestions for both of us, and for a whole lotta other women who feel the same way we do.
Your story and mine run parallel to each other. I stayed home with my kids. I went back to work when my youngest was in the first grade. I had been volunteering at the schools for years before that. I decided I wanted to work for the school board, but I was thinking maintenance of low voltage devices like alarm systems, electric locks, that sort of thing. Instead they asked me to teach electricity and electronic courses to adults in night classes. The college had contracts with local businesses to teach their employees basic electrical skills. The guys from the railroad were fun. Lol!

I did that for a year and a half and then one day I got a call asking me to teach my courses in high school. In a moment of insanity, I agreed. I loved every minute of it, btw. I loved those kids like my own.

The last time I was IP, it was because I was refusing to take my meds. I was in the middle of a mixed episode (now I truly understand what the word "madness" means) and I was like, what the eff is the point in spending all this money on meds and doctors and therapists and therapies when I'm still crazy!! I was yelling at my husband, the police, and my doctor to just go away and let me die. They didn't. *sigh*

__________________



You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams

Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd
Werewoman is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, downandlonely, lizardlady
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*
lizardlady
Legendary
 
lizardlady's Avatar
lizardlady has no update
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 17,463 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
7,501 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 19, 2021 at 04:01 PM
  #11
Werewoman, I'm glad they didn't.
lizardlady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*
Werewoman
Poohbah
 
Werewoman's Avatar
Werewoman Is a bit, well...wered.
 
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,472
8 yr Member
1,217 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jan 20, 2021 at 07:59 AM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by lizardlady View Post
Werewoman, I'm glad they didn't.
Me, too.

__________________



You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams

Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd
Werewoman is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, lizardlady
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:39 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.