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rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
mental attitude! :)
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#21
Quote:
I agree that being at large family gatherings bring up bad memories and the strong urge to tell some of them off. There are several family members who got away with mistreating me that I would love to tell off and not speak to again. I've made up excuses as to why I can't attend gatherings as well and no one should be forced to attend any family gathering. Just because they're family doesn't mean they need to be invited and doesn't mean you need to attend each event if you don't want to. |
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MuseumGhost
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Grand Magnate
MuseumGhost
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Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
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#22
As I have written in other places, there are simply some people who, no matter how kind and tolerant you are to them, and no matter how you model excellent hospitable behaviour for them, WILL NEVER EVER CHANGE, or even get the first clue.
I wasted years waiting for several family members (and even significant others) to realize what huge patoots they were making of themselves by being difficult/ bad/ rude guests at functions. I also have a sibling who delights in ripping my reputation to pieces and causing me pain every chance she gets, behind my back; although she is an adult now and really should have abandoned this kind of childish nastiness years ago (she's been at it practically since she learned how to talk, and has not let-up in 58 years.) You'd think she'd wake up and smell the coffee. There is no one else to try to influence, left. And I am absolutely no threat to her in any way, shape or form, and never have been. What I should have done, when on my own turf, was tell them all off straightaway, and lay down the law they way a parent has to handle a wayward (and possibly dangerous) child. Giving them time and space to cause me massive vexation cost me dearly. For me, 'turning the other cheek' only increased their volatile patterns, and in some ways, permanently hurt me. |
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downandlonely
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Medusax, rdgrad15
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Magnate
rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
mental attitude! :)
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
199 hugs
given |
#23
Quote:
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downandlonely
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Medusax, MuseumGhost
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Grand Magnate
MuseumGhost
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Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,257
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#24
I have regained an awful lot of peace of mind (and lowered blood pressure) not having to deal with those people anymore.
Beloved and trusted friends have taken the place of toxic family members. |
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Medusax, rdgrad15
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Magnate
rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
mental attitude! :)
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
199 hugs
given |
#25
Yes same here, I find myself being more comfortable and open with friends than with family. Families just make me anxious due to their judgmental and nosy nature, it’s not enjoyable or fun. Being around friends allows me to be myself and open up more when I want, I feel like I have to watch what I say and keep personal stuff away from family. Also it’s just more enjoyable to be with friends, I’ve always had a better time at making memories with them as opposed to being with family.
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Medusax, MuseumGhost
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eskielover
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Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
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#26
I don't have any family (except my daughter halfway across the country). That solves that problem. Love to get together with small groups of friends. Living in a small town....that is easy. But I don't like to go to events even in our small town for the whole community or do the social thing on Friday nights at the pubs for trivia or karaoke. Never liked doing that ever. Like my quietbevenings at home with my critters
__________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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Medusax, MuseumGhost
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Medusax, MuseumGhost, rdgrad15
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Magnate
rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
mental attitude! :)
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
199 hugs
given |
#27
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eskielover, MuseumGhost
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Medusax, MuseumGhost
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WovenGalaxy
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Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Earth
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#28
Quote:
rdgrad, I really like your stance on this and I like that you have fully formed boundaries that you stick to. |
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MuseumGhost, rdgrad15
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Magnate
rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
mental attitude! :)
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
199 hugs
given |
#29
Thank you and yeah I always stick to boundaries and don't let them know too much, I only tell them stuff if they absolutely have to know. Also I'm a little more open if it's good stuff, but I never ever tell them anything bad that's bothering me.
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MuseumGhost, WovenGalaxy
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Medusax
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Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 773
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#30
I hate forced associations of ANY kind. Our family was either spread out or not close when they WERE close. I only saw my one sister and my nieces once or twice a year. My father's family was in Indiana and we almost never saw them. But when he called home, I always had to go and sit in on the conversations and talk to people I didn't even know. And then when they asked how I was and I would say "fine", he would pull the "well, she could be doing better as far as school..." and "she needs to
watch her eating' ....that sort of thing. __________________ I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world. |
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downandlonely
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rdgrad15
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Grand Member
Medusax
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Member Since: Jan 2017
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 773
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#31
Quote:
Yup!! My father always lamented the fact that I was always away with others and not home hanging on his every word. Well...think about it..but then...you couldn't explain it because he was never wrong and had no issues. __________________ I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world. |
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MuseumGhost, rdgrad15
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Magnate
rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
mental attitude! :)
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
199 hugs
given |
#32
Quote:
If possible, don't tell your parents personal stuff anymore in order to prevent them from spreading it around. For some reason parents seem to think that since it's a family function, it's perfectly okay to tell them all the personal details of one's life which is not true and totally inappropriate. In a way, I think it's also very disrespectful for family members to spill someone else's personal stuff without their permission to do so especially when we all become adults who can pick and choose who we let into our lives regardless if they're family or not. |
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downandlonely
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Medusax
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Magnate
rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
mental attitude! :)
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
199 hugs
given |
#33
Yeah I try to avoid as many family functions as possible, friends are way better in my opinion. Everyone is different, but I just don't like being around family members. I would probably feel different if they weren't so judgmental and critical, also if they didn't feel the need to tell everyone what I told them as well. Having them tell everyone my personal information is another reason I've stopped opening up to them, I want my feelings and personal life kept secret and family members really don't need to know anything deep about me especially if I don't really know them or am not close to them.
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downandlonely
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Medusax
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