Caring about what others think

Photonate · Nov 29, 2021 at 07:06 PM

Hello. Like most of my threads, let me first say I hope this is the right section for this topic.

So I know it's common knowledge and recommendation to not care what others think, and how good it is for you to not care about or let what others think effect and control you, etc. etc.

But I just wonder, what if I'm just naturally the kind of person who does care what others think, like it's not necessarily 'in my blood's I guess, but that's just who I am as a person. Or furthermore, what if it is just simply something that matters to me as my own, unique individual person?

Kind of like how everyone is different, everyone has different goals, desires, interests, values, etc. as the unique individuals we all are - so what if my personal interests, values, goals and desires just happen to include, say, wanting to impress other people, and wanting other people to think good and highly about me, and if I value and desire other people to ultimately at the end of my life, or even in the moment, to think good about me?

downandlonely · Nov 29, 2021 at 07:15 PM

I think it's natural for us to care what others think. The problem is when we try to please everyone. That's not possible and will only cause disappointment.

For me, I don't care what strangers think. I do care what close family and friends think about me. I think it's natural to want some close relationships.

Photonate · Nov 29, 2021 at 09:06 PM

I definitely agree with the family and friends part, about relationships that matter. I just sometimes think I wish I personally didn't want to make, more or less anyone who sees or interacts with me think highly, or at the very least good of me.

Unfortunately I think that's just something I value and desire greatly in my life, and ultimately at the end one of the things that matters greatly to me, is making pretty much anybody who I crossed paths with, or just whoever I can, be impressed or think highly or at least good of me.

I think also part of it is because of this thing I struggle with, where I guess like, if I think something about myself, or something I'm doing, I feel like most people around me are going to think the same thing. Like for example, if I think/am worried I look suspicious walking in a store, or on a back road or something, I instantly feel like and worry that it's true and that's what people around me will think.

Nov 29, 2021 at 09:11 PM

Referring to your OP, I think we all want that to some extent.

downandlonely · Nov 29, 2021 at 09:36 PM

Well, I think it's important to accept that not everyone will think highly of you.

For example, the US is very politically divided. So, if you express an opinion on Covid, for example, half the country will automatically dislike you. Different people value different things, so it's not possible to get admiration from everybody. It's a losing battle.

Mountaindewed · Dec 02, 2021 at 07:29 PM

There are people in this world who would kill me if they got a chance, because of the gender I identify as. But I dont ever come across any of these people so I dont think about some random crazy people wanting me dead. I know that my own family accepts me and thats enough.

What bothers me is when people make a point and go out of their way to show or say what they think about me. If they do stuff and I'm not aware of it I dont care. But when people are assholes to my face I care. But I havent really had an issue with that in 4 years when a coworker was giving me trouble.

downandlonely · Dec 02, 2021 at 07:57 PM

Oh yeah, tons of people hate me for the color of my skin or my sexuality.

Fuzzybear · Dec 12, 2021 at 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I think it's natural for us to care what others think. The problem is when we try to please everyone. That's not possible and will only cause disappointment.

For me, I don't care what strangers think. I do care what close family and friends think about me. I think it's natural to want some close relationships.

Good post, I agree with this.

mote.of.soul · Dec 12, 2021 at 08:02 AM

Yeah, I think that's fine Photonate. The problem only arises, I think, when the person is so overly concerned with what others may or may not think about them, that it's causing stress, it's causing worry, it's causing depression, they're losing sleep. They keep obsessing and thinking about it, finding only the negatives. They're tearing their hair out! That kind of thing is where a problem could arise.

RoxanneToto · Dec 12, 2021 at 08:27 AM

There’s a saying that what other people think of (general) you isn’t any of your business. You can be the most upstanding, kind member of a community and there could still be someone there who held irrational hatred for you.
Could this be a fear of rejection on some level, do you think? I have had similar feelings before, mostly because there have been times I’ve felt unsafe around certain people I didn’t know. It’s not that I wanted them to think well of me, I just didn’t want to feel threatened or “pushed out of” a place I had the same right to be in as them.
There may be a different underlying reason for you, but it comes from somewhere and it’s only you that can answer why you feel that way.

Fuzzybear · Dec 12, 2021 at 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

There’s a saying that what other people think of (general) you isn’t any of your business. You can be the most upstanding, kind member of a community and there could still be someone there who held irrational hatred for you.
Could this be a fear of rejection on some level, do you think? I have had similar feelings before, mostly because there have been times I’ve felt unsafe around certain people I didn’t know. It’s not that I wanted them to think well of me, I just didn’t want to feel threatened or “pushed out of” a place I had the same right to be in as them.
There may be a different underlying reason for you, but it comes from somewhere and it’s only you that can answer why you feel that way.

I can relate to this.

Feeling unsafe and feeling ''pushed out of'' somewhere I had the same right to be in as them, it sucks.

Fuzzybear · Dec 12, 2021 at 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Yeah, I think that's fine Photonate. The problem only arises, I think, when the person is so overly concerned with what others may or may not think about them, that it's causing stress, it's causing worry, it's causing depression, they're losing sleep. They keep obsessing and thinking about it, finding only the negatives. They're tearing their hair out! That kind of thing is where a problem could arise.

Good post. I was thinking of going back somewhere where ''many'' have this OVER concern... and also there are gangs of bullies there (a rather nasty online place, not msf)

It's ironic to me how mean they are considering their ''dx''....

or possibly they have an other.... hidden... dx

Not about anyone on msf, past or present.

mote.of.soul · Dec 12, 2021 at 02:36 PM

Hey, thanks @Fuzzybear. Much appreciated, friend. 🙏

Yes it's not something I bring out on a public forum, even on this one which is pretty safe, but myself I am very prone to the overly concerned type of thinking - the 'paranoia', if you will. So, that's basically how I know it can effect a person negatively if taken to the extreme, yes.

This other site you might go back to with it's bullying and abuses, my gosh, be very careful and mentally prepared for the negativity Fuzzy. It can be very trying, as you know.

Quote:

It's ironic to me how mean they are considering their ''dx''....

or possibly they have an other.... hidden... dx

Not about anyone on msf, past or present.

Yeah, the meanness thing is abysmal on some sites for sure. It is possible some could have hidden dx's related to that, definitely. I'm almost convinced that sociiopathic traits, or at least the acting out on them, is nearly a 'normal' part of the human species Fuzzy!

🙏

Hey, it's nice to see you posting again, Dear Fuzzy.

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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Nov 29, 2021 at 07:15 PM #2 I think it's natural for us to care what others think. The problem is when we try to please everyone. That's not possible and will only cause disappointment. For me, I don't care what strangers think. I do care what close family and friends think about me. I think it's natural to want some close relationships.
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Anonymous49105 Guest Posts: n/a	Nov 29, 2021 at 09:11 PM #4 Referring to your OP, I think we all want that to some extent.
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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Nov 29, 2021 at 09:36 PM #5 Well, I think it's important to accept that not everyone will think highly of you. For example, the US is very politically divided. So, if you express an opinion on Covid, for example, half the country will automatically dislike you. Different people value different things, so it's not possible to get admiration from everybody. It's a losing battle.
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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Dec 02, 2021 at 07:57 PM #7 Oh yeah, tons of people hate me for the color of my skin or my sexuality.
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