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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#1
Just out of curiosity, would you rather deal with someone who yells at you or someone who is sarcastic but calmer when they're angry? I've experienced both kinds of people and as much as I don't like either one, I think I'd rather deal with a sarcastic but calm person when they're mad rather than yelling. I associate someone screaming at your face with the person loosing control of their behavior and lashing out, it used to be I would be hit so that's why I am leery around someone who yells. I don't like sarcasm either but I'd rather deal with someone who is sarcastic but calm since I don't get the feeling they're about to lose control and start hitting. I don't feel like I could be hurt when someone is just giving backhanded compliments or condescending remarks since they're maintaining control.
Everyone is different and some may prefer someone yell at them than be sarcastic. Trust me, I don't like either one but when someone starts legitimately screaming then I start to tense up and worry they will either strike me or start throwing stuff around which I've seen before as well. At least someone who is calm and sarcastic is maintaining their behavior, they aren't about to lose it completely so I find it easier to handle despite their backhanded compliments and may even find it easier to talk to and reason with. Someone who is screaming has no logic or reasoning. What are your opinions on dealing with someone who is sarcastic and condescending as opposed to someone who yells? Just wondered what you guys thought. I don't like either one but I would choose a sarcastic but calmer person over someone who may lose it altogether. |
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Discombobulated
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MuseumGhost
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#2
Sarcasm since it often flys right over my head.
It depends on the person though too. If my mom yells at me I'm just like "whatever" if its a boss yelling then it bothers me. __________________ Ridin' with Biden |
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rdgrad15
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#3
The sarcasm also goes over my head. So if someone wants to get through to me, they would have to yell. But I have not experienced physical violence. As a kid, my Dad would just yell.
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#4
Yeah I can see how it may depend on the person as well. And I used to have trouble with sarcasm but I’m able to tell if someone is being sarcastic now.
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#5
Glad you haven’t experienced violence or hitting. Then you don’t have to be weary about those who yell.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
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#6
Sarcasm can be used as humour, but if not then I don’t like it much. As awful as humiliation is, it’s better than feeling unsafe.
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#7
I agree, yeah when someone is being humorous and joking around using sarcasm, that’s okay. Even I do that from time to time, but otherwise it can be embarrassing. I do agree that I’d rather feel embarrassed than feel unsafe. Someone who is being sarcastic and condescending when angry doesn’t have me on guard as someone who is screaming at the top of their lungs and even throwing stuff since that makes me on guard and ready for them to get physical.
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
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#8
I would rather deal with neither. What I'm used to experiencing though, in my family of origin, is yelling. I can deal with yelling. I'd just yell back. or think the person was lame for not being able to control themselves. Or tell them not to yell at me. Sarcasm is pretty much just someone being mean. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with meanness in this world.
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lizardlady, rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#9
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WovenGalaxy
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WovenGalaxy
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#10
I can handle people screaming at me, because as a gentle soul like me with a big heart, I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with me when the person screams at me. As a retail employee they scream at the situation, not because of a character flaw.
To me, sarcastic comments undermine me. I'm a people pleaser, and sarcasm sounds like they're attacking who I am as a person. I feel like when people are sarcastic to me, they're making fun of me, the way I talk, the way I look, what I believe in, etc. I am socially awkward so I feel like I'm being subjected to criticism if people are sarcastic. I feel like it's downright rude to be sarcastic. Is the attitude really necessary? Can't you just be polite and say, "Hi, how are you, I would like XYZ, please. Thank you." That's all any transaction comes down to...I greet you, I ring you up, you leave. The whole attitude and sarcastic jester is really offensive and leaves me boiling. |
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downandlonely, WovenGalaxy
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Discombobulated, rdgrad15, WovenGalaxy
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#11
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downandlonely, WovenGalaxy
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#12
At this point in my life, I would walk away from either one. I have no need to deal with either of those behaviors. I dealt with sarcasm when I was first married (started AFTER the wedding) I put a stop to that rather quickly by saying STOP or get out. I have a peacefull life now & refuse to put up with anyone's crap
__________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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lizardlady
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Discombobulated, lizardlady, MuseumGhost, rdgrad15, WovenGalaxy
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Magnate
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#13
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That's true, rdgrad. I thought about it and it is really not pleasant being yelled at, especially when it comes out of nowhere. |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
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#14
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This. So much this. We should not have to put up with unhealthy behavior if we don't want to. Also if it is continuous, triggering, and let's say, we are trying to work on the relationship and ask the person not to act that way when angry, if it continues, you are allowed to distance yourself, leave the relationship, whatever it is that makes things right for you. |
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eskielover
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Discombobulated, eskielover, rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#15
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eskielover
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#16
Yep exactly, and it’s worse when it’s for some trivial stupid reason or no reason at all. I dealt with that a lot from my dad who used to be in the marines. I’ve had other people do it but he was the worst.
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Discombobulated, WovenGalaxy
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WovenGalaxy
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#17
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WovenGalaxy
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Seeker of Life
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#18
I won’t deal with neither. People who can’t communicate well when they’re angry don’t belong in my life. The older I get the higher my standard is.
__________________ One day I’ll leave my 6 flowers
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Discombobulated, rdgrad15, WovenGalaxy
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
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#19
Yeah same here, I hate it when people yell. To me, it shows a lack of proper communication skills. It also just makes the person look ridiculous, it draws attention and can be embarrassing for the person being yelled at. There are definitely people I will be able to stay away from once I am on my own, I have no patience for immature behavior especially when there’s no reason for the yelling.
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#20
Quote:
Seriously, I used to get so fed up with my EX in my marriage that we would fight & yell often. I was that cup that was overflowing & I had no other skill I knew for handling what I was experiencing. I have found words & my voice from a better understanding now but honestly I love my peaceful life away from someone who pushed me to that point 24/7. Wasn't like that at work only at home when pushed past my limit without better skills to express myself. I was worried I would revert back to how I used to react when I had to encounter him 3 years ago with my law suit against him but my new skills won out so that was good to know I had risen to a new level of handling his crap. Still would never tolerate it on a permanent basis now though. __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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Discombobulated
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Discombobulated, rdgrad15
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