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Default Nov 15, 2022 at 01:48 PM
  #41
My relationship with big holidays has changed, depending on how well I'm doing. I do much better, as I'm feeling better.
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Default Nov 16, 2022 at 06:41 AM
  #42
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Yeah, they can be flabbergasted if you say you have no plans. WHAT?? But it's NYE!

The workplace positive thing is everywhere too. Employers want you to be positive and energetic all the time, like the Energizer Bunny.
Yep exactly and it's quite annoying. The only exception is if you work at an elementary school like me. In that case I can understand putting on an act around the kids. Other than that we shouldn't have to force happy and bubbly interactions with coworkers we may or may not like or even know very well.
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Default Nov 16, 2022 at 06:43 AM
  #43
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My relationship with big holidays has changed, depending on how well I'm doing. I do much better, as I'm feeling better.
I'm glad you're doing bette and I can see how your view on big holidays can change with your mood. Generally people who aren't as happy aren't going to like the holidays as much. It's hard being unhappy and being around many bubbly and overly happy people and it may even seem a big cringy too. In fact a lot of the bubbly happiness is forced and those who are depressed just don't have the energy to put on a forced act.
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Default Nov 16, 2022 at 05:18 PM
  #44
Exactly, rdgrad. It was a very difficult thing to try and "feel" as joyous and celebratory as everyone around me when I was very ill. Making the effort was almost painful.

I've done a lot of reading and self-therapy surrounding my particular diagnoses, and I understand much better where the gradual dislike and discomfort around holidays & birthdays came from. I subsequently have a great deal of compassion and patience for anyone who feels the same way I did when I was in the worst grips of my illnesses.

There are traces of these pains remaining. They bubble up a bit mostly around thoughts of absent loved ones. But that's grief, and it's to be expected.

I still have short bouts of anxiety before every occasion, but I think that will just be me and my worry that people might unexpectedly drop by---and my home is almost never in the condition I wish it was in!

Generally speaking, I enjoy almost all holidays again, thankfully---as I used to when younger.
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Default Nov 17, 2022 at 08:20 AM
  #45
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Originally Posted by *Beth* View Post
Holidays are usually a thing of the past. All parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles have died on both my and my husband's side. We both have older siblings who are elderly, live some distance away, and don't really travel (especially past mid-afternoon). Nieces and nephews are scattered to the wind, and our own grown kids either live far away or tend to travel outside the US during the holidays. So the once-festive holidays (that I so took for granted) are now lonely.

All this said - I am 100% in agreement with Skeezyks regarding the hell that is the 4th of July in the US. It used to be a nice family/children themed holiday. It has become a nightmare of noise, what are illegally-crafted bombs, and the fear that my poor elderly cat will have a heart attack due to his terror of the noise. I also fear fire from the illegal fireworks - indeed, 2 homes in town did catch fire this year.
Beth, I feel the same about the holidays. There's no one left to celebrate with. They've all passed away.

Christmas used to be my most and least favorite holiday. Most because I got into decorating, baking, etc. Least because of the stress. The forced happiness. The media harping about the great, close, happy families. A friend of mine and I used to define a "good" holiday as one where no one got in a fight.

Now holidays are just lonely.

Agree 1000% with those who hate July 4th. I enjoy watching the fireworks, but hate the rest of it. My poor dog HATES loud noises. He is a basketball on the 4th. My neighbor's shoot guns and fireworks most of the night. Last 4th they were were at it until 4AM!
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Default Nov 18, 2022 at 06:17 AM
  #46
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Exactly, rdgrad. It was a very difficult thing to try and "feel" as joyous and celebratory as everyone around me when I was very ill. Making the effort was almost painful.

I've done a lot of reading and self-therapy surrounding my particular diagnoses, and I understand much better where the gradual dislike and discomfort around holidays & birthdays came from. I subsequently have a great deal of compassion and patience for anyone who feels the same way I did when I was in the worst grips of my illnesses.

There are traces of these pains remaining. They bubble up a bit mostly around thoughts of absent loved ones. But that's grief, and it's to be expected.

I still have short bouts of anxiety before every occasion, but I think that will just be me and my worry that people might unexpectedly drop by---and my home is almost never in the condition I wish it was in!

Generally speaking, I enjoy almost all holidays again, thankfully---as I used to when younger.
Yeah I can understand how people feel when they become depressed or have some sort of dislike towards the holidays. I think it's way more common than people put on and I also notice a sudden rise of genuine happiness when the holidays are over. Feelings of grief and longing for the past are normal during the holidays and are way more common than most people may want to admit. I'm glad you're much better now and are able to enjoy the holidays once again. Forcing happiness when you're miserable is very hard and draining to do.

That seems to be very common during the holidays and it really shows especially when you get older. I will say though that I still allow others to enjoy the holidays and I don't ruin the fun for others. I don't particularly care about the holidays but I'm not one of those people you see from time to time who get verbally combative towards anyone who is happy and loves the holidays since there's nothing good about ruining the fun for others so I keep my feelings to myself when I'm at gatherings during any holiday and even birthdays.
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Default Nov 18, 2022 at 06:26 AM
  #47
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Beth, I feel the same about the holidays. There's no one left to celebrate with. They've all passed away.

Christmas used to be my most and least favorite holiday. Most because I got into decorating, baking, etc. Least because of the stress. The forced happiness. The media harping about the great, close, happy families. A friend of mine and I used to define a "good" holiday as one where no one got in a fight.

Now holidays are just lonely.

Agree 1000% with those who hate July 4th. I enjoy watching the fireworks, but hate the rest of it. My poor dog HATES loud noises. He is a basketball on the 4th. My neighbor's shoot guns and fireworks most of the night. Last 4th they were were at it until 4AM!
I agree with you that a good holiday is one where no one fights and Christmas is no longer my favorite holiday. I used to love Christmas as a kid due to the gifts and seeing the decorations up. I still do like seeing other people's lights but I don't like decorating myself. You'd be surprised how many arguments I've seen over decorations especially when they don't work. It is so petty and trivial and there's so many other things to be more concerned about. I've also seen people get offended when they didn't receive anything or not what they wanted.

Also the forced happiness and commercialism as well as unnecessary stress and witnessing arguments are what made me dislike the holidays and that goes for other holidays as well. I agree they are just lonely now and it really shows among others and it becomes extremely obvious that the happiness is forced when the holidays end and people fully admit to being so glad it's all over and genuinely seem happier and calmer when January rolls around.
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Default Nov 18, 2022 at 03:24 PM
  #48
I try really hard to keep all the old traditions going, especially around that king of all the holidays, Christmas. But money has been tight for so long, it's been a real challenge---on top of losing so many beloved relatives.

I would have to say, Thanksgiving is still at the top of my favorites list, however. The rest don't signify as much for me anymore.

My husband is a nice man but he is a bit clueless about celebrating without being almost completely inebriated throughout. He can't ever let his hair down, or be warm, enthusiastic, or romantic, without a lot of beer in him. And that is a huge turnoff. I think that's part of what I deal with, as well. He's also clueless about birthdays. I was never really into big birthday parties and stuff, but now they've almost completely fallen by the wayside.

So, that takes an awful lot of the fun out of just about every celebration. If you can't do it sober and completely conscious, with other people's enjoyment taking priority, then why bother? And I'm tired of being the only one who really does all the cheerleading, and all the actual labor involved.
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Default Nov 18, 2022 at 05:02 PM
  #49
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I try really hard to keep all the old traditions going, especially around that king of all the holidays, Christmas. But money has been tight for so long, it's been a real challenge---on top of losing so many beloved relatives.

I would have to say, Thanksgiving is still at the top of my favorites list, however. The rest don't signify as much for me anymore.

My husband is a nice man but he is a bit clueless about celebrating without being almost completely inebriated throughout. He can't ever let his hair down, or be warm, enthusiastic, or romantic, without a lot of beer in him. And that is a huge turnoff. I think that's part of what I deal with, as well. He's also clueless about birthdays. I was never really into big birthday parties and stuff, but now they've almost completely fallen by the wayside.

So, that takes an awful lot of the fun out of just about every celebration. If you can't do it sober and completely conscious, with other people's enjoyment taking priority, then why bother? And I'm tired of being the only one who really does all the cheerleading, and all the actual labor involved.
Oh wow I’m sorry you dealt with that and that would definitely put a damper on the holidays. I agree that the holidays and even birthdays don’t mean much to me anymore either. Times have changed and I’ve gotten older so the hype has gone down so I don’t feel so joyous anymore. Also loosing people including friends also make the holidays more sad and I agree I actually prefer Thanksgiving and even Halloween more than Christmas since there’s not as much of an obligation to be around others.
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Unhappy Nov 23, 2022 at 11:29 AM
  #50
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I agree with you that a good holiday is one where no one fights and Christmas is no longer my favorite holiday. I used to love Christmas as a kid due to the gifts and seeing the decorations up. I still do like seeing other people's lights but I don't like decorating myself. You'd be surprised how many arguments I've seen over decorations especially when they don't work. It is so petty and trivial and there's so many other things to be more concerned about. I've also seen people get offended when they didn't receive anything or not what they wanted.

Also the forced happiness and commercialism as well as unnecessary stress and witnessing arguments are what made me dislike the holidays and that goes for other holidays as well. I agree they are just lonely now and it really shows among others and it becomes extremely obvious that the happiness is forced when the holidays end and people fully admit to being so glad it's all over and genuinely seem happier and calmer when January rolls around.
Well the first hurdle is tomorrow....No turkey for me even though I like it. It reminds me too much of what I've lost. I'm having fish.

I was thinking about how when I was a kid, how upset it made me when we "couldn't afford" a Christmas tree anymore at one point. My parents were always penny pinching and one year they said it's just too costly. They said it's a waste of money to spend it on something we throw out on New Year's. At the time, it was important and I thought isn't that what we're supposed to do???

Okay now I get it. But I'm 61 now. Big difference from 11, LOL.

At first, people are happy in January.....until the bills come.

People certainly drive faster and are so impatient now, more than the rest of the year.


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Unhappy Nov 23, 2022 at 11:32 AM
  #51
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I agree that the holidays and even birthdays don’t mean much to me anymore either. I actually prefer Thanksgiving and even Halloween more than Christmas since there’s not as much of an obligation to be around others.
They would still mean something to me if there were people around to be with, genuine friends.

I still get the message from our media that there's an obligation to be "celebrating" with people from Thanksgiving until New Year's. If it wasn't crammed into 2 months, it'd be more bearable to me. They come all at once.

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Default Nov 23, 2022 at 01:07 PM
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Well the first hurdle is tomorrow....No turkey for me even though I like it. It reminds me too much of what I've lost. I'm having fish.

I was thinking about how when I was a kid, how upset it made me when we "couldn't afford" a Christmas tree anymore at one point. My parents were always penny pinching and one year they said it's just too costly. They said it's a waste of money to spend it on something we throw out on New Year's. At the time, it was important and I thought isn't that what we're supposed to do???

Okay now I get it. But I'm 61 now. Big difference from 11, LOL.

At first, people are happy in January.....until the bills come.

People certainly drive faster and are so impatient now, more than the rest of the year.

Aw I'm sorry about that and I can see how having turkey can bring up painful memories. Also as a kid I used to think we were supposed to waste money on Christmas but not anymore. You're parents were actually right in that aspect because it really is a waste of money for something you only have up for a month and may even throw out if it's a live tree. And yeah the happiness in January doesn't last long and people procrastinating to get taxes done doesn't help matters either.
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Default Nov 23, 2022 at 01:10 PM
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They would still mean something to me if there were people around to be with, genuine friends.

I still get the message from our media that there's an obligation to be "celebrating" with people from Thanksgiving until New Year's. If it wasn't crammed into 2 months, it'd be more bearable to me. They come all at once.
I totally agree, there does seem to be an expectation that people spend time with family during the holidays. I'd rather spend it with genuine friends, less drama and less judgment going around. Also the holidays really are too close together, wish it was more spread out and they really could do that. In fact Christmas really shouldn't even be in December, if they wanted a more accurate month to celebrate Jesus's birth then August or September would be more fitting since I read that that is the most likely time frame Jesus was born.
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Unhappy Nov 23, 2022 at 01:53 PM
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Aw I'm sorry about that and I can see how having turkey can bring up painful memories. Also as a kid I used to think we were supposed to waste money on Christmas but not anymore. You're parents were actually right in that aspect because it really is a waste of money for something you only have up for a month and may even throw out if it's a live tree. And yeah the happiness in January doesn't last long and people procrastinating to get taxes done doesn't help matters either.
Yeah, they were right. But try explaining that to a kid! If one is wealthy, then maybe not so much as waste, BUT if wealthy the money could be given to organizations that help the poor and homeless! Spread the wealth around. We always got a real tree; I don't know why they didn't get a fake one if that hell bent on saving money. It can be used every year.

They used to re-use gift wrap and tags, if in good shape still.


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I totally agree, there does seem to be an expectation that people spend time with family during the holidays. I'd rather spend it with genuine friends, less drama and less judgment going around. Also the holidays really are too close together, wish it was more spread out and they really could do that. In fact Christmas really shouldn't even be in December, if they wanted a more accurate month to celebrate Jesus's birth then August or September would be more fitting since I read that that is the most likely time frame Jesus was born.
And, the rest of the year, we are such an individualistic culture. Me, me, me. Your life, your choices, your priorities....then BAM! It's the holidays and time to be with family. My former therapist pointed that out.


Sometimes people would ask me if I'm doing anything for Halloween, but usually they don't. There's a "Sounds of the Seasons" channel I have on my TV package, that play Oktoberfest music in October, the first half. Then Halloween music. As soon as November 1st comes, it's non-stop Christmas music. Even though I actually like some of the songs, the association of other things is too much.

You're right that Christmas as the birthday of Jesus isn't even accurate. I'm not even religious, so it's not so important to me as what day they pick...yet spreading it out is something I can support for sure.

Everything all at once, I don't know if other countries have bills and tax season starting in January, but after all that spending it's time to pay up.

NOW there's the screaming and yelling commercials for the holidays, which I find unbearable. It's bad enough the rest of the year, when the volume on any commercial automatically increases. Then you have to turn it down OR OFF. I've been turning it off or I change the station, as soon as it comes on. It makes me NOT want to pay attention, yelling like that.


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Default Nov 23, 2022 at 03:00 PM
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Yeah, they were right. But try explaining that to a kid! If one is wealthy, then maybe not so much as waste, BUT if wealthy the money could be given to organizations that help the poor and homeless! Spread the wealth around. We always got a real tree; I don't know why they didn't get a fake one if that hell bent on saving money. It can be used every year.

They used to re-use gift wrap and tags, if in good shape still.



And, the rest of the year, we are such an individualistic culture. Me, me, me. Your life, your choices, your priorities....then BAM! It's the holidays and time to be with family. My former therapist pointed that out.


Sometimes people would ask me if I'm doing anything for Halloween, but usually they don't. There's a "Sounds of the Seasons" channel I have on my TV package, that play Oktoberfest music in October, the first half. Then Halloween music. As soon as November 1st comes, it's non-stop Christmas music. Even though I actually like some of the songs, the association of other things is too much.

You're right that Christmas as the birthday of Jesus isn't even accurate. I'm not even religious, so it's not so important to me as what day they pick...yet spreading it out is something I can support for sure.

Everything all at once, I don't know if other countries have bills and tax season starting in January, but after all that spending it's time to pay up.

NOW there's the screaming and yelling commercials for the holidays, which I find unbearable. It's bad enough the rest of the year, when the volume on any commercial automatically increases. Then you have to turn it down OR OFF. I've been turning it off or I change the station, as soon as it comes on. It makes me NOT want to pay attention, yelling like that.

Yeah I'm not religious and I personally don't believe in the divinity of Jesus but I do believe there was someone born that people saw as their lord and savior since back then that was pretty common. The biggest sign that his birth was most likely in August or September is the sheep in the fields since that region of the Middle East is very cold and rainy in December. Also they actually figured out the star the Shepards apparently saw was actually the tail of Halley's Comet which passes by every 72 or so years. And yeah the whole thing about everyone doing their own thing and then suddenly being forced to be with family is so cringy and it really shouldn't happen since it's really not genuine or fun.
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Confused Nov 23, 2022 at 07:47 PM
  #56
I was just at the gym and looked around at all the people, mostly in their 20's and 30's. I wondered if THEY have family gatherings planned tomorrow, and if so, are they looking forward to it or is it a chore....

Many years ago I remember how a co-worker said he was just going to order a pizza and watch football with a buddy or two. A lot of us thought that was sad and we told him we felt bad for him. In hindsight, maybe that's what he wanted. Maybe he was estranged from family or whatnot. They could be too far away to travel to, maybe it's too costly or the weather is bad or something. So many possibilities.

I'm not going to the gym tomorrow. It would be great to blow off steam but they are only open a half day. I used to go years ago, but I stopped because it's just too crowded and packed. I either wait for a machine awhile or I don't get on it at all.. They are open 364 days a year; Christmas is the only day they close.

I forgot to say that August is my favorite month, because there's no holidays. Every other month has one, whether a legal one or not. So I wouldn't want Christmas to be moved to August. It's the only breather I get.

Sept has Labor Day, so there would be two holidays if they moved Christmas.

Since I'm not a night person I'm signing off now. I just had to post that while it was on my mind, before I forget!

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Default Nov 24, 2022 at 07:43 AM
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I was just at the gym and looked around at all the people, mostly in their 20's and 30's. I wondered if THEY have family gatherings planned tomorrow, and if so, are they looking forward to it or is it a chore....

Many years ago I remember how a co-worker said he was just going to order a pizza and watch football with a buddy or two. A lot of us thought that was sad and we told him we felt bad for him. In hindsight, maybe that's what he wanted. Maybe he was estranged from family or whatnot. They could be too far away to travel to, maybe it's too costly or the weather is bad or something. So many possibilities.

I'm not going to the gym tomorrow. It would be great to blow off steam but they are only open a half day. I used to go years ago, but I stopped because it's just too crowded and packed. I either wait for a machine awhile or I don't get on it at all.. They are open 364 days a year; Christmas is the only day they close.

I forgot to say that August is my favorite month, because there's no holidays. Every other month has one, whether a legal one or not. So I wouldn't want Christmas to be moved to August. It's the only breather I get.

Sept has Labor Day, so there would be two holidays if they moved Christmas.

Since I'm not a night person I'm signing off now. I just had to post that while it was on my mind, before I forget!
Yeah I can understand feeling bad for your coworker, you're right in the fact that it may be what he wanted. Some people truly like being alone, maybe his family also just simply didn't celebrate the holidays. I will say between Thanksgiving and Christmas, Thanksgiving is the more tolerable of the two. It's a one day and done holiday, it's not dragged out like Christmas and there's no obligation to buy people gifts.
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Unhappy Nov 24, 2022 at 12:36 PM
  #58
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Yeah I can understand feeling bad for your coworker, you're right in the fact that it may be what he wanted. Some people truly like being alone, maybe his family also just simply didn't celebrate the holidays. I will say between Thanksgiving and Christmas, Thanksgiving is the more tolerable of the two. It's a one day and done holiday, it's not dragged out like Christmas and there's no obligation to buy people gifts.
Yeah, I was much younger then and didn't even know all the different ways in which we are different! NOW if I heard that, I'd leave him or her be.

As for TODAY, I WAS looking forward to at least a day of QUIET, but no.....They HAVE to work today too, d a m n construction guys remodeling the freaking vacant unit above me. I've been suffering since October 31st, and they work Saturdays too. They are in such a hurry to rent it that they make them work on a holiday?!!! Sunday is the only day i get off from it so far. And I thought "Ah...." when I woke up. If this building wasn't so cheaply built, I wouldn't hear/feel all the NOISE. It's just ONE day of lost income. I hate landlords and hate this place but don't know where to go. My day is now ruined, thanks to the heartless, greedy landlord.

Back to this holiday......I don't know if they still do this but some retailers started opening for "Black Friday" today, usually at 7 or 8pm. After people feed their faces, they want them to empty their wallets. I think that's so screwy---opening their doors a day early. Talk about superficial and shallow!

Yeah, it is one day but since most businesses (except retail and restaurants) are open tomorrow, it's like a 2 day holiday. Even my library is closed Friday, which means I probably won't get my book by Saturday. If not for today and Friday being closed, it'd arrive I'm sure.

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Most and least favorite holiday

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Default Nov 24, 2022 at 01:39 PM
  #59
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Yeah, I was much younger then and didn't even know all the different ways in which we are different! NOW if I heard that, I'd leave him or her be.

As for TODAY, I WAS looking forward to at least a day of QUIET, but no.....They HAVE to work today too, d a m n construction guys remodeling the freaking vacant unit above me. I've been suffering since October 31st, and they work Saturdays too. They are in such a hurry to rent it that they make them work on a holiday?!!! Sunday is the only day i get off from it so far. And I thought "Ah...." when I woke up. If this building wasn't so cheaply built, I wouldn't hear/feel all the NOISE. It's just ONE day of lost income. I hate landlords and hate this place but don't know where to go. My day is now ruined, thanks to the heartless, greedy landlord.

Back to this holiday......I don't know if they still do this but some retailers started opening for "Black Friday" today, usually at 7 or 8pm. After people feed their faces, they want them to empty their wallets. I think that's so screwy---opening their doors a day early. Talk about superficial and shallow!

Yeah, it is one day but since most businesses (except retail and restaurants) are open tomorrow, it's like a 2 day holiday. Even my library is closed Friday, which means I probably won't get my book by Saturday. If not for today and Friday being closed, it'd arrive I'm sure.
Yeah they have opened stores a day early for Black Friday which is so annoying. Although the past couple years they reversed that decision and many stores went back to being closed all day Thanksgiving and I hope it stays that way. I agree it makes Thanksgiving even more shallow and superficial because it throws the whole thing about being thankful out the window. It's so greedy and ridiculous and that's another reason I dislike the holidays and would love to have a day of peace and quiet too.
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Unhappy Nov 24, 2022 at 02:01 PM
  #60
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Originally Posted by rdgrad15 View Post
Yeah they have opened stores a day early for Black Friday which is so annoying. Although the past couple years they reversed that decision and many stores went back to being closed all day Thanksgiving and I hope it stays that way. I agree it makes Thanksgiving even more shallow and superficial because it throws the whole thing about being thankful out the window. It's so greedy and ridiculous and that's another reason I dislike the holidays and would love to have a day of peace and quiet too.
I thought so, although since I don't shop anymore I haven't paid attention to it. The Game Stop store near me opens at 5am tomorrow.

True, we preach thankfulness then are pressured to buy stuff, since it's on SALE!

Gosh, I'm old enough to remember when stores were either closed on Sundays or open half-days. And that's any time of the year. Sundays were just mellow, quiet days. Some places even closed early on Saturday. Now it's 24/7 and I think it's greed.

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Most and least favorite holiday

Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


Most and least favorite holiday

"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."
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