What are harmless things you typically do that others find rude?

For me personally, I do a lot of things that others find rude:

• No eye contact
• Slurp on my food (any child does that, like leave them alone, they just want to eat!)
• Slouch (hey I’m always tired, ok?)
• Burp and/or fart (I get it, it’s gross, but that’s how the human body works)
• Leave the room in the middle of a conversation (I just have to walk away, because things can be overwhelming)

Those are just a few that I can think of. I know I might have a lot more that I haven’t thought of, and I don’t want to waste a lot of time on this, so I’ll just leave it there.

Well, those things are harmless to others, but they aren't harmless to you, because bad manners may result in people avoiding you. These are all signs of disrespect, that you have no care for the feelings of the people around you. So they will probably respond in kind. You may "get away with it" while you are a child and living with your family, but i doubt people will want to join your lunch table at school or work. Employers often take a prospective hire to lunch just to evaluate their table manners, so there's that. If your parents didnt teach you, find an etiquette guide book or online.

Actually I’ve found that etiquette is sexist and ableist and my parents have taught me so-called manners.

You don’t seem to understand what I’m trying to say, just because I do things that may be seen as rude does not mean I’m being “disrespectful”.

And no, I stated that I find them harmless. If they don’t like that I have normal bodily functions like everyone else does and they find it to be so-called disrespectful even though I’m minding my own business, that is their problem.

And I don’t have any friends not because I’m “rude and disrespectful”, I don’t have any friends because I’m too POLITE. I lost my friends because I learned TOO MUCH ETIQUETTE.

They like my “rudeness” and so-called “disrespect” because they know I’m being myself. But when I pretend to be something that society wants me to be, it turns them away. Just because I’m seen as rude does not mean that I don’t care about anyone else’s feelings. In fact, being “polite” to please everyone else only harms me because they get the opportunity to walk all over me.

When I don’t follow those societal norms, I feel free. Being rude does not always mean disrespect. I as a neurodivergent have tics and stimulations in my body that neurotypicals will not understand. There is a BIG difference between “I am minding my own business” kind of rude and “I will hurt you for my own pleasure” kind of rude.

I also have autism so that will also explain why I don’t view my “rudeness” as harmful or offensive. I’ve been around people who I’ve been trying to please with being polite, but nothing was enough for them.

They took advantage of me by telling me that I’m not doing etiquette right. They hated me for simply being me. They gave me all sorts of etiquette books and manuals, and they have been hell for me. One day, I finally snapped. I told them they have done nothing but control every part of me and make me miserable.

Etiquette in my experience has nothing but torture and I am currently unlearning these standards and putting up my boundaries, if these people want to leave me for just being myself, just know that I’m repelling away the people who want to harm me, and that in itself is a good thing.

Sorry. You do you.

Thank you.

When I read your first post here, the first thing I thought was neurodivergent behavior. If you choose to behave without the social norms & wondef why you don't fit in thst is exactly why. NO, social norms are not sexist & no the things are not ok for either sex.....thus not sexist. Seems lately when people want things to be accepted the first thing they do is label something sexist or........

I had a neurodivergent dad & ex husband & yes, their behaviors were annoying to a neurotypical person. Do your own thing with the behaviors you choose but don't be surprised why people choose to not be around those behaviors. There are always consequences to the behaviors we choose no matter what kind of mind we have or what sex we are. Behaviors attract or repell people that is just a FACT OF LIFE whether you consider them harmless or not....that is your opinion but not the opinion of others.

For me personally, I do a lot of things that others find rude:

You would be a hit if you used that as an icebreaker at a party.

This IS an open forum so post what you want. It's just weird you "don’t want to waste a lot of time on this" yet you're more than willing to defend your actions.

You know what the truly weird thing is? This reply of yours that completely contradicts yourself. Exactly how is explaining neurodivergent behavior and giving a different perspective a “defense mechanism”? Lol

“If you choose to behave without the social norms & wondef why you don't fit in thst is exactly why. NO, social norms are not sexist & no the things are not ok for either sex.....thus not sexist.”

Some rude behaviors are not a choice. I am simply living by my own comfort. I would also beg to differ regarding the social norms expected exclusively towards women. I dare you to tell me it’s not sexist/racist/discriminatory to lecture a disabled woman or ethnic minority for trying to live comfortably while a privileged person can go about as he likes.

Believe me, I’ve seen the double standards in public. I’ve seen white men and neurotypicals act out in a hostile manner yet not much stirs up. And then I’ve seen how women, ethnic minorities, and neurodivergents get treated just for even DARING to live comfortably, NOT HARMING ANYBODY, just simply minding their own business. Because of our apparently lower status, we get treated to a much higher standard in comparison.

“Seems lately when people want things to be accepted the first thing they do is label something sexist or........”

Stop right there. You seem to believe that just because we minorities want to be treated equally, that apparently makes us too weak and fragile to cope with life, hence you accusing my generation (Gen Z) of irrationally labeling everything as sexist and whatnot. I don’t know you or what generation you’re from, but times are going to change to be more inclusive, and you just have to deal with it.

“I had a neurodivergent dad & ex husband & yes, their behaviors were annoying to a neurotypical person. Do your own thing with the behaviors you choose but don't be surprised why people choose to not be around those behaviors. There are always consequences to the behaviors we choose no matter what kind of mind we have or what sex we are.”

Recap what you said regarding your father and ex husband, you stated their behaviors were annoying. Compare annoying with harmful. The term annoying and its definition is mild compared to harmful. You have not described what their “annoying” behaviors are. I’m assuming you think their behaviors are similar to mine. To my knowledge, they are “annoying” but they’re not abusive.

Moving on, from you stating that my behaviors are the reason I’m being discriminated, it sounds to me that you clearly have no empathy. Once again, you claim that my behaviors are all my choice when I’ve told you it’s not a choice when you’re neurodivergent. You’ve also claimed that my behaviors have “consequences”, thus you’re now indicating my neurodivergence (what I was born with) is entirely my fault and that I deserved to be discriminated.

“Behaviors attract or repell people that is just a FACT OF LIFE whether you consider them harmless or not....that is your opinion but not the opinion of others.”

FACT OF LIFE??? Lmao You’re now stating my experience doesn’t matter? But yet everyone else’s does? Once again, you blame me for what happened to me.

Now what if I told you I was raped? You might reply what was I wearing to make the perpetrator abuse me like that. Then you would assume I was dressing like a prostitute and that apparently intimidated the perpetrator to rape me. Then I’d tell you I was wearing regular clothes, no makeup, very little skin showing. Still you’d assume I did or said something to make him/her treat me horribly. I’d explain to you how it went before the abuse.

Still you would reply it is still my fault he/she raped me, then you’d drivel on how him/her raping me was the consequences of my “actions”, which I barely did s***.

I know how this is going to turn out, you telling me that I’m using defense mechanisms and I’m just using my neurodivergence as an excuse to get away with “bad behavior”, and that I should learn to suck it up and follow social norms because they apparently don’t discriminate and hold myself accountable. So by your logic, slavery was nonexistent.

Sounds like I’m talking to a brick wall. Conversation over.

If you are acting in a rude manner and don’t want to change, then it’s perfectly fine. Nothing to worry then. You do you.

Dude, you are preaching to the choir. Gen Z does not need to teach us boomers about sexism or any of the other isms. WE were the ones who had to fight to win the "right" to wear slacks to work or school.

That doesn’t change anything. And now we’re throwing in ageism into the mix? It’s funny how you boomers claim you do all the hard work meanwhile you assume the younger generations are too lazy to adapt and make changes ourselves.

Which is also ironic because it was mostly your generation that kept telling us (and millennials) that we should follow such standards. Now you’re assuming that there’s only one way to address bigotry and what we’re doing about it nowadays somehow makes you uncomfortable. I’m not against you for what you’ve done decades ago, you were brave for fighting for your rights. However your success doesn’t excuse your undermining of younger generations.

You’re assuming that just because you are old now you think you don’t need any youngsters lecturing you on anything. There’s the problem. You’re unwilling to listen to young people who are actually intelligent and experienced enough to know what’s going on in our society.

You may think what you’ve done has resolved the bigotry, but that’s only scratching the surface, and your attitude is one of the many things that are holding us back from achieving true democracy.

Au contraire, mon frère - our work here is done. Good luck with all that. It's your fight now. Y'all better vote.

Seriously, we are your allies. Why are you yelling at us?

Au contraire, madame - you’re the one who’s being judgmental. If I was yelling at you, I’d type in all caps and throw in a bunch of unnecessary exclamation marks. Did you not read your last reply? It sounded haughty and derailing, and it was very dismissive towards younger generations.

All I was telling you was to not act condescending towards us Gen Zers and not to undermine our capabilities. The older half of us are already entering the workforce and we are stepping in to support our parties. We work far differently from you boomers but that doesn’t mean we’re not getting things done. If you want to be an ally, you have to be supportive of today’s rising adults of the 21st century and learn to appreciate the feedback of my generation and those to come.

It’s most likely that generations before you have said something similar to what you stated and undermined your ability to thrive and make change. Don’t fall into the same cycle.

This thread is being closed for administrative review.