Differences in mindset once you're not poor anymore

For those who do struggle with poverty, I'm very sorry you're going through that. I have no advice, but I hope the best for you. Rest assured that although I am now middle class, I am not superior to you, and did not work harder than you to get where I am now. I was poor for most of my life and got out of poverty only by marrying a man from a middle class family. It was nothing I did to "earn" it.

One difference in mindset that I have noticed is the attitude toward something getting broken.

When you're very poor, there is no money to repair or replace things that get broken. So much as drop a plate while you're washing dishes, and you catch absolute hell for it. Even if you're not actually punished, you're at least scolded and lectured about how scarce money is, and this is why we can't have nice things, and what are you going to eat off of, now that you broke YOUR plate? (I did actually in real life hear my sister asked this question when this happened.) All of this is because "you need to learn to be more careful!" This can lead to such things as hiding it and covering it up, because naturally you don't want to be treated that way just for being human and making a mistake. Which leads to more scolding and lecturing about being honest and taking responsibility for your actions, but if you can get away with it, sometimes it was easier and less painful to just dodge it.

When you're middle class, of course, you still want to be careful. Even people who have lots of money aren't going to throw their dishes against the wall and get new ones after every meal. You don't *want* to break things due to carelessness or goofing around, but if it happens, it's unfortunate. Not a disaster. It might have to wait a couple of weeks, but we will get it fixed or replaced. It's only a plate. Broken plates are much easier to deal with than broken spirits.

I also noticed this when my nephew came to live with us for a while. He was terrified any time he broke something, or a cabinet door came off in his hand because the hinge was loose, or a small appliance suddenly stopped working while he happened to be using it. A lot of times he would try to hide it, deny it, and cover it up. My husband didn't understand. Why didn't nephew just tell him, so he can take care of it? Of course, I understood why. It took a while for nephew to learn that these things happen, and he's not going to have his throat ripped out for it.

I hope this isn't too heavy for social chat. If it is, mods are welcome to suggest a more appropriate forum. Can anyone else spot different ways of thinking along different socio-economic levels?

I'm a frugal person at heart, probably due to years of being broke.

Things I've noticed..

Buying something because I want it, but don't need it.

Willing to pay someone to do something instead of do it myself.

No longer freaking out about how I am going to pay the vet if one of the critters gets sick/injured.

Not always gravitating toward the cheapest of everything. Eating beef stew instead of ramen noodles. Wiping your nose with an actual tissue instead of toilet paper. Washing your hair with shampoo instead of dish soap. Using conditioner afterwards. And not feeling horribly guilty and self-indulgent about any of this.

I for one am looking forward to...

not being self-conscious about being "that person" that intrudes on others sleeping on their couch and obsesses over "how am I going to fk this up and be kicked out in the middle of the night or not be allowed back, and what can I do to encourage this person to want to keep me around for more than tonight?"

Not worrying about wet socks (trench foot, frostbite)

Not constantly questioning if I'm going to ruin my sobriety because I'm spending all my time at the "homeless hangouts" which, sure, not every homeless person is an active addict, but plenty are and there are quite a few ballsy mofos that will come up to you and straight up ask you if you do drugs looking for a buddy.

not feeling like a tax burden for using government resources (under the assumption I am completely financially independent and do not use any of those resources)

Poverty comes with higher stress and poorer health outcomes because of stress. The fear of breaking a plate to the fear of wet socks. It’s all very real.

I know I’ve noticed it in myself. I’ve always had pets. And when I was poor I’d stress out over their natural behavior. Hey don’t do that, cause I couldn’t afford to pay extra for broken blinds, throw up on carpet etc . And after I was more monetary well off. I just shrugged things like that off as them being themselves.

"Poor" and "rich" are very subjective terms and I'm not sold that the more money one has, the more happy he/she will be.

I have known people that didn't have two nickels to rub together yet they were some of the happiest and most genuine people I knew. I know a few people with expendable income and one in particular sure likes to remind me how well he is doing or what latest toy he bought was.

I have an Italian wife, an old truck, and a cute beagle that loves me. I couldn't ask for more.

I know right now my issues have nothing to do with how much money I do or don't have. Although I am grateful for my insurance. But other then that my issues aren't related to money or finances. I am not rich by any means. But up until recently, I've had it good. I think it was just luck though.

People who brag about having this or that or look at me I can work while you can't and are being very obvious passive aggresive drive me up the wall. These people live in their parents basement still.

It’s all relative. There are people in the world who live on a dollar a day.

What’s important to me is that everything I ever had was earned by me through my hard work.

Albatross that was a very thoughtful and humble post, it made me think about a lot of things thank you.

I’ve seen first hand how stressful poverty can be.

Poor alcoholic- hand sanitizer and some juice

Rich alcoholic- Jose Cuervo

I got off disability in 1996 (after spending 4 terrible yrs in a halfway house after ECT in 1992) and worked for a law firm with a basic job that paid min. wage then I took a job with USAF in NM as an engineer and I was making $45,000 and bought a nice, cheap, 1300 sq ft house for just $65K and took trips to Europe (to meet a Russian girl I met online) and ran my credit cards up. Before getting off disability in 1996 I ran my credit cards up using brothels for 2 yrs and it was probably the best time in my life, imo. I took risks and I met many beautiful women and don't regret it at all except for my credit card debt. I consolidated my credit card debt and still couldn't keep up with payments and in 2002 I got very sick again, quit my job, filed bankruptcy, moved back to PA and went back on disability 20 yrs ago.