Age according to Walmart standards

jbug · Sep 23, 2008, 01:04 AM

> > Age by Walmart Standards
> >
> > You are in the middle of some kind of
> > project around the house mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting
> > the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or
> > paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts
> > with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and
> > an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home
> > improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get
> > something
> > to help complete the job.
> >
> > Depending on your age you might do the
> > following:
> >
> > In your 20's:
> > Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a
> > shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean
> > clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your
> > favorite
> > cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while
> > standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl
> > running the register.
> >
> > In your 30's:
> > Stop what you are doing, put on clean
> > shorts
> > and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much
> > else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror.
> > Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.
> > The
> > cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to
> > school with.
> >
> > In your 40's:
> > Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt
> > that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put
> > on
> > different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne
> > is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to
> > Wal-Mart.
> > Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The
> > spicy
> > young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird
> > thinking she is spicy.
> >
> > In your 50's:
> > Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on,
> > wipe
> > the dirt off your hands onto your shirt Change shoes because you don't
> > want
> > to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you
> > swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The
> > Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think
> > you
> > still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait
> > &
> > Beer Bar and it says, "I Got Worms."
> >
> > In your 60's:
> > Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat
> > anymore Hose the dog poop off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when
> > you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs
> > out
> > the hole in you pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you
> > don't have your glasses on, so you are not sure.
> >
> > In your 70's:
> > Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to
> > Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice
> > the dog poop on your shoes The young thing at the register smiles at you
> > because you remind her of her grandfather
> >
> > In your 80's:
> > Stop what you are doing. Start again.
> > Then
> > stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to
> > Wal-Mart
> > and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart
> > out
> > loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with
> > the old lady who greeted you at the front door.