[BrokenNBeautiful]

it's been almost a year since my aunt died.

She raised me.

She passed last Xmas (dec. 29, 2008).

Someone told me it takes a year to mourn.

I am still sick all the time. I still feel like crying.

I will never hear her voice again, I will never get a card from her at holidays.

I was hoping a friend of hers would invite me over for tgiving, but she hasn't.

I could have used the support.

It's not going to happen.

I went to therapy for it this fall and got messed over by the system. Now I have to deal with it alone.

I got married September and my husband and I are now separated already. I am not ready for love, right now, because of this grief.

I'm glad there's a forum for this here.

Billi

[Rmdctc]

I volunteer at a grief center and I see (also know first hand) how hard this process is. There are lots of stages and it can take a very long time. I personaly believe a year is a very short amount of time for the process to take. Its also a very individual process. I would highly recommend that you find a grief group. It can help to be around people that are going through what you are. PM me anytime if you want info or any help.

[eskielover]

Billi,

It's been almost 5 years since my Mother died of cancer.....January 2005. All the trauma surrounding her death happened at this time of year.....the first year was impossible....I was just trying to get well myself from the anorexia the stress caused.....that first year anniversary was horrible.....I was even in outpatient treatment at the hospital (wouldn't think of going inpatient at that time).

I have since left my husband (after 33 years of marriage) & moved across the country (California to Kentucky). My friends invited me to Thanksgiving Dinner last year......I sat there at the table enjoying the company & ended up seeing my Mother at our last Thanksgiving dinner....fought to hold back the tears & shake off the vision I was having......I dread this time of year continually now.

It helps to have others you can talk your feelings over with.....but for me, it was an alone fight even with the help of a psychologist....all they can do is help you talk your feelings.....we still have to work through it ourselves.....take it as it comes....one day at a time.

The farther from the time, the dimmer the visions seem to get. Much of the trauma I went through had to do with the home care person abusing my mother & me...until I could put the pieces together & get my Mother out of the house & into the hospital.....those memories were stuck in my mind due to police & filings reports with adult protective services.....making sure I had all the facts in case I could take her to court....no such luck....she walked off scott free also....but what it put my Mother & I through in the last 2 months of her life were horrible......& left horrible memories of the time......I was the only family my Mother had to care & protect her.....it was like living through a nightmare.

I so understand your feelings.......first year being the worst.....but there will be memories that will stick with you forever.....some will fade with time. Tears are good even though they may not feel good....they are part of the healing process. You will heal in time....there is no rushing emotions & feelings....they heal in their own time.

You will be ok & will hold onto the good memories,
Debbie

[Twyllasue]

There is no time limit on grief. I am still trying to come to grips with losing my grandma in 04, my Mother to breast cancer in 06, my other grandmother to murder in 07, and just recently my daddy i lost June 15th to liver cancer. I am having a hard time with this greiving process.