[Calie17]

After several years of divorce I finally met a wonderful man. He too is divorced, but also considers himself a widower. After his divorce he met a woman, they lived together for six years and were engaged. She died of leukemia. He and I met 3 months ago, we are both in our late 40's. We hit it off immediately and started dating and a monogamous relationship. He talked all about his fiance and her passing and told me she had died a year ago. We get along so well and I figured after a year, he would know better if he were ready to move on in another relationship. After a month and a half, and seeing one another on a daily basis, he told me she died only four months before we met, not a year ago,he was afraid of how I would handle the news when we first met, my heart sank.I spend the weekends at his house and he spends much of the week at mine. I am getting closer to this man, emotionally. He still has all of her pics around the house, of the both of them also. Her vanity still sits in the bedroom with all of her things on it. We only go to certain places so as not to run into his or her family, he feels they would not understand. I have met many of his friends, but if we are invited to a function on a Sunday, he states Calie cannot go but my daughter and I (meaning him) will be there. He is not ready for me to meet his daughter, she is 7 y/o and practically grew with his fiance, though he only sees his daughter once a week, they all never lived under the same roof. The only conversation I have had with him, once I found out she recently passed, is if he is sure he is ready to move forward. He said when she was diagnosed, which was a year ago, the prognosis wasn't good and he began to prepare himself for what was to happen. I really like this man but I do not want to get hurt. I am being extremely patient because I do not believe he has completely gone through his grieving process and I want him to do that in his time, I know everyone grieves differently. What suggestions do you have? I will remain patient and supportive, however, by having all of her belongings in the house and the whole house was decorated by her, I feel he has not grieved her loss yet. What can I do if anything besides be supportive of his decisions of when to tell people about me and where we go if we should run into his or her family. He is still a big part of her family and has made it clear he will always be. Without sounding selfish, it is sometimes difficult, because we cannot spend holidays together, I cannot go to his house when he has friends and BBQ's because I cannot yet meet his daughter. Again what suggestions do you have for the best way for me to be supportive of him and his decisions, yet be able to talk to him about things?