[Charlie_J]

This poem is not mine, but was written by Y. Docherty and is on the uk sobs website. I reproduce it here because if my Dad and brother could speak, whatever words they used they’d mean this:

Reflection

Another day for you to wonder, another day for you to mourn
It wasn't my intention to go before the coming dawn
My pain was deep within my heart and troubled head
It wasn't my intention to go without words said.

My frame of mind seemed normal, or so I heard them say
It wasn't my intention not to see another day
I did not mean to make you suffer or cause you so much pain
It wasn't my intention to never see you again.

Despair and confusion left my aching mind unsure
It wasn’t my intention to suddenly close life's door
If only I could give you reasons and brush the tears away
It wasn’t my intention to leave and not stay.

I did not mean for you to grieve, now left alone to cry
It wasn’t my intention to leave you, forever askinq why
As the burdens of life's worries slowly ebb from my heart
It wasn’t my intention to tear your soul apart.

Y. Docherty

Dad,

I love you, and forgive you, and I’ll never forget you. You gave me life, and I’ll always be your little girl. Thank you for all those years of reading the full “Twas the Night Before Christmas” to us on Christmas Eve and then sneaking presents into our room (we never caught you once!). Thank you for teaching me how to ride a bike. Thank you for not letting me read your Guy N. Smith novels when I was seven.

Paul,

I love you, and forgive you, too. The two kids on Outnumbered reminded me of us the other day; I’m pretty sure I once convinced you that you didn’t exist. I miss you so much. Some of the magic has gone since you left, but it’s okay. I’ll remember you for as long as I live, and I’ll live for as long as I can. I promise.

Philip F. B. 5th November 1954 – 10th October 2001
Paul F. B. 29th September 1977 – 10th October 2001

[Burning Aroma]

I was trying to hold back the tears as I read your post because it reminded me of someone dear to me who has also passed.

The poem, thank you very much for sharing it with the rest of us.

I can see your relationship with your father was very strong. He sounds like he was a great father to you and your brother. I'm sure they would appreciate your message for them very much.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Even though we never forget a loved one, the pain does diminish. They might not be with us now... but the deceased loved ones, they live on eternally in our hearts. After a while you'll see that you actually smile at their memory and remember the happy memories and the fun you had together.

Again, I am very sorry for your loss.

Rest at ease Philip and Paul F.B.

Sending you gentle hugs -
Burning Aroma