I want my old life back.

My husband, my best friend and my dog all passed away in 2005. My husband in November. My in laws all turned on me as soon as he died. I did everything I could. I took off work and I went to the hospital everyday except twicw when there was big storms. I fought with the doctors and I tried to make him eat I used to wander around the supermarkets for hours trying to find something he would eat but it was so hard because of the chemo. Nobody wants to hear about it becasue they think its contagious or something. If they avoid me no one will die on them. They dont want to think about it or they dont know whatto say or they say something really F#%$&stupid. Im tired of this. I cant imagine spending the next forty years this way. Alone. I hate being alone and I miss my husband and I miss my friend.

first of all, let me apologize for not seeing your post sooner.

i am so sorry for all the pain that you are feeling now. i wish i could do something to take it away.

are you seeing a therapist? if you can, i think it would be a very good idea. and how about a support grief group? keep posting here. there are tons of good supportive people here who will help you. PM me if you need to. xoxoxo pat

I'm sorry you are suffering so much right now. I often wish things were the way they used to be. I lost my mom 1 1/2 years ago to cancer. She never got the chance to go through chemo, unfortunately. She never had a chance to begin with. As soon as she was diagnosed, she was terminal. The doctors refused to touch her because of where the cancer was.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish that either she was still with me or that I was with her.

Hang in there.

(((((((((( justsignmeupalready )))))))))))

So sorry that you are dealing with such a heavy load, if possible, try to distant yourself from these kind of people, they are toxic.
I'm sending you warm wishes of hope and healing, my heart goes out to you.
Take care,
DE

Darkeyes is so right...distance yourself from his family...they may have been related..but they're just looking for someone to blame and cancer is not negotiable....nor did it have anything to do with you...so don't increase your pain by dealing w/them at this time....talk w/your local hospice organization...they aren't just for the last days and weeks...they have incredible ppl who have been there and can give you the support you so deserve...and lastly...(lot's of love sent your way)....you deserve it....grace

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Nobody wants to hear about it becasue they think its contagious or something.

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Yeah, most people that haven't been through this don't have a clue what it's like. They don't know how to deal with it, but that's no excuse for making your life more difficult. You may want to check with the oncology ward and see if there's a support group in your area. There are others who have gone through what you've gone through, and they do understand. I think the isolation is one of the toughest parts.

people just don't understand the depression and grief that you are going through. find some IRL support. and PM us if things get too rough. love, pat

Just, I'm sorry to hear that your hurting. In your situation I would too. It's okay to hurt.

It sounds as though your parents in laws are having a difficult time accepting the loss of their son. They may need somebody to blame for what happened. It could either be the docters, you, or whatever. It's a step in grieving some people take unfortunitly.

Don't be hard on yourself. There's not even a reason you should try to defend yourself. I bet you did all you could, and if you could have taken it all away you would have. This disease is a monster, and nothing can change the resulting affects. It wouldn't matter if you were there 24/7, and bought expensive gourmet food. Either way he was too ill to eat.

It is such a shock into reality when the person you love is there one day, and then gone the next. It is very difficult to fathom. And very very lonely. With time and healing of course the memories and times that were cherished with your friend, dog, and husband will be there to keep you company, warm, and happy. But it takes awhile.

It's important to keep those memories.....that's how they continue on past death.

I'm very sorry for your pain. I too experience this pain, and know of the complete emptiness and unrealness it is. It's almost like a bad dream.

I know you will be okay Just. You can get through this, and live on with your life.

I think about you often, and hope the best for you.
Desirae

I agree with the people who said you need to distance yourself from your in-laws, because they are not helping you heal. I've had to pull away from both my sisters, because I don't feel that I can talk to them about my dog or our father (who died about a month apart) without feeling judged or attacked. It's hard, but you have to look out for yourself.

Please look into local support groups, and try to find a support group or pet loss counselor as well. You might try the local SPCA to see if they off grief counseling, or search online for a national 800 number.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.