[new widow]

I am missing my husband so much today. It's been almost 3 weeks since he died. One of his friends who had lost his wife contacted me on Facebook. I talked to him on the phone yesterday. It's nice to have him to talk to because he understands what I'm going through. I also talked to friends yesterday and they want to know what they can do to help. I don't know what to tell them. I don't know what I need right now except for my husband back. I also went to the doctor yesterday and he started me on citalopram to see if that would help any. I found Paul's ID badge for work today and it just has me crying and missing him. Some of the pictures I have around of him are from a few years ago, but this one is just a few months old and for some reason it's really affecting me. It's so hard to be without him.

[Leed]

Oh gosh, you just took me back 11 years ago, when I lost my husband. I SO understand!!! I can feel your pain!

Sweetie, this is SO difficult. You're going thru such a hard time right now. People ask what they can do, and I know you can't tell them because you don't have a CLUE what you want! You barely know what time of day it is, let alone how you feel or what you want. All you know is that you miss your beloved, and your heart is breaking.

I know you'll get tired of hearing this, but time is the best healer. I got tired of hearing it too, but it IS true. Each day was a tiny bit easier than the day before, although I didn't know it at the time. I must tell you that the first year, I was a basket case. My daughter lived with me at the time, and I'm SO grateful that she did because I just wasn't myself. My mind was "elsewhere" -- all I could think of was HIM. Nothing else mattered to me. I functioned, but barely.

I was on an antidepressant, and that really helped. Without it, I don't know what would have happened. I've always been depressed anyway, so I'm normally on the antidepressant but at that time it was crucial!!

You NEED to talk to a GRIEF COUNSELOR. I did and it really helped. Sometimes we become so grief stricken that we can't get beyond a certain point in order to progress in the grief. We need an outlet, and someone to talk to who understands grief. These counselors are great -- and you can contact one thru Hospice -- it doesn't matter if you've used their services or not. They'll be happy to talk to you. There might be a fee, but it's WORTH IT. They also kept in contact with me for a year after my husband died, to make sure I was okay. I appreciated that!

I wish you the very best --please private message me if you want to talk some more, as I truly understand what's happening. You'll be in my prayers dearheart. God bless you & please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Brightheart]

Hello, widow. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hear how difficult and painful this is for you. I hope you will keep expressing yourself. I am listening. It's great that you have friends who want to be supportive. I hope you will continue to reach out and allow your feelings. Take care of yourself.

[new widow]

I guess I'll have to look into the grief counseling. I don't know how to deal with all this pain. I have friends and family who want to help but I still feel so alone. I don't have anyone who I can really lean on to take care of me through this. My parents are gone, his parents are gone, we don't have kids. What family I have isn't nearby. I know they wish they could do more but it's hard from so far away. Everything in the house reminds me of him and the things that we can't do anymore. It's so hard to be alone after being happy with him.

[Sabrina]

I have been following your threads and my heart goes out to you. It is so fresh and so recent and I know you are struggling. I am feeling so much empathy for you and wish I had words that could soothe you a little. Just know that we all care here and that you can lean on us here for support any time of night and day. Keep on posting. Keep on reaching out. Gentle hugs to you (((new widow)))

[DocClyde]

(((Sorry for your loss)))

Gentle hugs

[cowboy1]

I am so sorry to hear. I just lost my bride less than three month's ago. The pain is so hard I know. I will be around if you need me. COWBOY1.

[Sabrina]

How are you new widow?

[eskielover]

One thought I have had is how thankful you can be that you had a wonderful husband so that your thoughts are of the fact that you miss him so much because of all the wonderful love you shared....unlike my a friend (who married a controlling guy I knew from college but who my husband & I had stayed friends with even after we were married) His controlling personality had become so bad that after he died, she could only feel relief, then felt guilty for feeling that way.

Filling our heart with thankfulness for having had a wonderful husband can be something very healing......even though I understand how one can get stuck in certain areas of the grief process. It does help to have a counsellor or someone you can talk with. I know that the hospice care that helped my mother the last 3 days of her life had grief counselling for anyone who had lost someone close to them in a sudden way or with cancer. It didn't help me because I couldn't even get to the grief because of the trauma I had gone through with the home care person....needed major psychological help & still do 7 years later.

Each death & relationship is so different.....we have to just process the grief as we realize it's coming to us.

[new widow]

Yes I did have a wonderful husband who loved me very much. Even people he worked with have told me that I was all he talked about at work and how happy he was. We had a great marriage and I'll always be grateful for that. I have many good memories of being with him. Maybe that's part of what's making this so hard - because we were so good together and now I feel so lost without him. I have people to talk to and I'll be going to a grief support group when they have their next meeting so maybe that will help. I'm trying.

[Elbie]

Originally Posted by new widow

I am missing my husband so much today. It's been almost 3 weeks since he died. One of his friends who had lost his wife contacted me on Facebook. I talked to him on the phone yesterday. It's nice to have him to talk to because he understands what I'm going through. I also talked to friends yesterday and they want to know what they can do to help. I don't know what to tell them. I don't know what I need right now except for my husband back. I also went to the doctor yesterday and he started me on citalopram to see if that would help any. I found Paul's ID badge for work today and it just has me crying and missing him. Some of the pictures I have around of him are from a few years ago, but this one is just a few months old and for some reason it's really affecting me. It's so hard to be without him.

Hello I am new here , I just read your post. Oh dear heart I so understand . I lost my husband 6 months ago. I am just barley able to look at pictures and not sob and weep and so on. His family lives near by I know the have their grief as well but they never ask how I am. I think its alittle strange . But now that I found this site , I am so comforted to know I am not alone.
Cause when he first passed I was calling a suppot line at all hours until the dawn. I am not kidding the pain was so unbearable I thought I would explode.
the T says don't do anything big for at least 6 months. Sending prayers and hugs your way.

[new widow]

Thanks. It helps to know I'm not alone. It's been just over a month since he died. When he first died there were friends and family calling me to check on me, but those calls have all dwindled down to just a few people. Everyone else has moved on with their lives and gotten back into their routines and I'm left alone. I'm glad I found this site so I can connect with people who understand.

[shipping]

Dear new widow, I lost my father in February; my mother is here now visiting me for her grief. I will begin guessing options...can you visit your family you do have even though they are far away? You need to get out of the home and its reminders. Can you tell or email a group list of friends that you still need their phone calls? The support must not dwindle away already. They will ask what can they do.....say, "take me out of the house...to eat, to visit a park, to shop, to talk over tea, anything to get out of house with someone." Even if you do not feel as though anything will help (and it may not) if you don't give your friends an idea or a response then that is why they dwindle away. My mother has been accepting every invitation even though of course she does not feel like going. But getting out of house with people is important. My mother still cries often while she is on the phone with me or now in person as she visits. I listen to everything she wants to say. Also, what can you do to help another person? My mother knows some of my health problems and is helping me as she visits; this takes her mind off her own sorrow.

I like to write and I wrote a lot about my father and how wonderful he was. If at all possible, write out your good memories in story form. Tell in writing about your wonder-filled marriage. Then when you are pleased with a story, email it to everyone you know. That is what helped me with my grief over losing my father because people would read about him and say "I feel as though I know your father from your writing!" I want everyone to know what a wonderful man my father was, so I email my writings to everyone I know and ask them to please read it and send a brief response. If you have a piece of writing, then when friends say "what can I do?" you could say, "it would help me so much for you to read this story of my husband's goodness and our wonderful relationship." Be very specific in your story-telling, like the time he.....something very specific that shows what kind of person he was. Make a series of short stories so that people will not worry it will take too long to read; they could read just one short story.

It is good to use the antidepressant, but be sure the medication does not prevent you from crying. Crying is very important.

Elbie, I hope this might help you, too.

I am a writer and English professor. If either of you are hesitant to write about your husbands because you feel you are not a "good enough" writer, I offer to help you. You may send your stories to me in a PM and I will correct any grammar mistakes, etc. I can also help you think of the right word for something you wish to express. I really want to do this because I know writing is helpful and even empowering. I encourage you to write these stories of these good and loving men. I am sure you can do it. But if you have fears that you can't, please accept my offer to help you. Belinda