High school friend passed away suddenly

Im 32 and I found out a friend from high school and my church died suddenly. He was a close friend of the family, and even though he was a trouble maker and made fun of me (I think he liked me when we were little) he was a great kid. He even used to tie my hair in nots and stuff at school...it's kinda funny.

Anyhow, he was supposed to get married next month and his fiancé found him passed away yesterday morning in his apartment. No one knows what happened. His dad passed away suddenly when we were in college so it could be genetic or something.

I'm upset and sad for his family. My mom sent me the obituary, since I don't live in town anymore. I'm an hour and a half away. Idk if I should go to the wake or funeral, which is at the church we grew up in. It's so sad. Do I go? I don't think his family will miss me if I'm not there but it would be nice to go and say goodbye and give my condolences. I would be a drive, for sure, but I should go.

The other thing to consider is that I'm not in a very good spot emotionally right now. Idk how upsetting it might be for me. But is that selfish? The wake isn't about me...it's about him and his family....I should suck it up and go. Or no? Idk what to do. So sad. Sending the family a card at the least...help!

((doggiedo)) - I'm very sorry to hear about the death of your family friend. Trust your instincts in deciding whether to go. If I don't feel close I pay my respects at the funeral home or go to the service. The wake depends on whether its an open invitation or just for immediate family. Prayers to his family and fiance....so sad. Hugs to you in making this decision and no its not selfish if this would set you back emotionally.

That's so sad. I'm sorry......

((((DD)))) I am so sorry...this must be so painful and confusing. Take good care of you and know you are doing the best you can for where you are at this moment. If it is too much and creates too much pain, do not force yourself. A nice card or flowers to the family is always appreciated. And maybe later, when you are feeling stronger/ or in a better place, you can say your good byes in person then.

Hugs to you,
Rose

Is that a cop out? To blame my depression and not go? I've decide to go to one or both. I know how whole family for goodness sake. My mom is going with me. Just brings back the idea that here I am in a dark place and having considered suicide as an option when this poor kid lost his life way too soon. Make me feel ungrateful for the life I've been given. It's so sad.

I feel the sudden urge to go to church tomorrow- silly or what?

Also makes me go back to what I said before about my own mortality...his poor kid was found dead in his apartment. What if I went like that. Who would find me- who would even care? For days I bet I'd be all alone...such a sad existence we lead sometimes.

His poor family. He was to be married on aug 10.

IMHO, i dont think it is a cop out to take care of your health xx Whatever feels right to you...follow you heart. I think it is great that your mom is going with you...that is a supportive resource. You are so lucky to have that kind of support.

All kinds of thoughts and feelings and what may seem like "weird" stuff comes up when someone we know passes. Especially unexpectedly and at such a young age.

Please be gentle and kind with yourself and do whatever you need to do to help you get through this difficult time.

I do understand, too...I have been though similar....it is not easy, sweetie.

Hugs,
Rose

Thanks guys. I have thought about it more today and I think I would like to go to the wake only to support the family and show them I care. But I really, really don't want to see him in the casket. He's my age, and the first one I will have been to....and I know that will be hard. I know I should go. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. I'm sure I will be glad I went, but again, I don't think I will be "okay" with seeing him. Hard not to at a wake, right?

((((DD))))....

The wake is today. I decided to go and my parents are going with me. The funeral is tomorrow too, which I am going to. It's oing to be a long two days, which I wish were already over.