[Kaioken]

I lost my mother just over two weeks ago very suddenly. She went into hospital a few days before but everyone was in positive spirits about her recovery, the next day she was gone. I keep thinking back to being called in, and taken to the room where they told us. I may have had my disagreements with my mother but she was the glue that held us all together. I cry on and off at the moment but i still don't think its properly hit me. Whenever i think back to that day I feel anxious and panicky. Its hard for me to keep in mind that she isn't here anymore and its even harder to think about all the things shes not going to be here for anymore, even the small things like watching certain programs on tv. I miss her so much, I don't know what to do. Everyone says it will get easier but i know it wont. I'm trying to keep strong because I know its what she would have wanted but its so hard to. The person that could give me the most support in a time like this is the person im mourning. Despite all her health problems and our disagreements, I never thought i would lose her. I may have worried about it but i never thought it would.

[TerryL]

Dear Kaioken--I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother especially as you thought she was getting better. I could relate to many of the things you wrote about as I also lost my mother unexpectedly. I also worried about her but never thought that she would die. In the coming days many things will remind you of your mother. Just cry and post as much as you want to for as long as you need to. My thoughts are with you.

i'm sorry for your loss.

hugs

[Sabrina]

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother.

[Leed]

Bless your heart Kaioken ~ I really know what you're going thru. I lost my mom in 2003, when she went into the hospital for what we thought would be just a 2 or 3 day stay. After 2 days she was gone. And I had to be the one to authorize them to "pull the plug." That haunts me to this day. My other 3 sisters were there, but THEY didn't want to make the decisiion, and I'm NOT the oldest!!

Sweetie, I promise you it WILL get easier. Yes, you will still miss her. Yes, when you think of her, there will still be an "ache" but it won't be the horrible pain you feel now. Yes, there will be loads of things you want to tell her or ask her. I STILL have things I wish I'd asked my Mom, but you can't think of everything.

Your Mom will STILL be with you, even tho she won't be physically there. You will feel her presence. You may even smell her perfume or actually feel her touch. Stranger things have happened. But believe me sweetie, it does get easier. And remember -- we WILL see our loved ones again when we are called "home.'

God bless you Kaioken. My prayers are with you. Hugs, Lee

[Kaioken]

The day before they told us she would be moved for her operation and a few days later she would be home, the doctors didnt even have any idea it would happen, everyone was so positive. The nurses told us it happened very suddenly, there was no pain or suffering and she probably didnt know it happened, but it still scares me, so much. The thought of it, the thought of her being there one minute and the next.. shes just gone. i cant get my head around it. i cant.

I do have reminders, time to time i do smell her perfume, i smell the shampoo she used to use. It brings me comfort but not the same i guess.

(((hugs)))

Reading your post I could of wrote it myself, My mom died 4 weeks ago, I miss my mom so much even though I didn't talk to her in 6 months, she died very suddenly too

[Kaioken]

I'm sorry to hear about that, if you would like to talk i'm here. I've found it helps sort of to talk to someone in the same position.

[Skully]

I am so sorry about your mom...I lost my mom 7 years ago. She was my best friend too. I know this doesn't help now but it does get easier to handle. As the days go by it becomes more tolerable. I wish there was something that could be said to make it all better now, but there isn't. It really truly does suck.

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by Kaioken

The day before they told us she would be moved for her operation and a few days later she would be home, the doctors didnt even have any idea it would happen, everyone was so positive. The nurses told us it happened very suddenly, there was no pain or suffering and she probably didnt know it happened, but it still scares me, so much. The thought of it, the thought of her being there one minute and the next.. shes just gone. i cant get my head around it. i cant.

I do have reminders, time to time i do smell her perfume, i smell the shampoo she used to use. It brings me comfort but not the same i guess.

Can you talk with the doctor to find out more about what happened exactly? Might help you get some closure...I think he owes you that.

[Kaioken]

Yeah, they told us exactly what happened to her, but it wasnt something they could stop, her heart just stopped and that was that really, no one had any clue. She was fine 5 minutes before apparently, sitting up and chatting to the lady next to her and everything. They told us the cause and everything but theres only so much i can handle hearing. Whenever i think back to the moment we were told that morning i start to get panicky and sick, because i just cant stomach or believe it still.

In the nicest way possible its a comfort to know im not alone in this, though i dont know.. i just want her back :/

[TerryL]

You are still in shock. It's awful that you thought she was going to be fine and then the worst happened. The day before my mother died she told me she felt wonderful... One thing I wish I had done sooner was go for grief counseling. I think I waited over a year because I was dealing with so many thoughts and emotions I couldn't think straight. I have only recently learned (by watching Dr Drew) that when we experience trauma the sooner we go for help the better chance we have of healing. I guess just like with a physical injury. I'm not sure if you are ready for therapy yet but just a thought. I'm sorry you are missing your Mom so.