How can i start over again?

Hello. My name is Frank, and I just joined this site today. I've looked for help with my problems from anywhere I could think of, and i haven't found any.

I was engaged to the most beautiful, intelligent woman I have ever met. Over the last two years we lived a life full of joy and satisfaction, until one day she told me that she didn't feel like she could love me anymore, that she was bored with her life, and with me, and that she had taken out a personals ad a few days before she left me.

I loved her more than life itself, and i gave her everything she could ever ask for. But all of the sudden all of the things i had given her, the support, love and everything she could ask for, none of it mattered to her anymore. I invested so much of my life to her, and opened up to her more than i ever have to anyone in my life. Now i find myself alone and losing hope. I don't know if i can ever meet anyone like her ever again and i just don't know what to do anymore. It feels like i just can't struggle through this and its been months since the breakup. If the one person who is supposed to love me and be there for me for the rest of my life is gone, and doesn't care anymore, how can i start over?

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

You start over and carry on ONE DAY AT A TIME...... and please know that her not being able to love you right now probably has more to do with her (her issues / wounds) than it has to do with you.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

it's just so hard, you know? I've been through relationships before and i've been hurt before, but i've never known something that could cut so deep and hurt so much. It feels like a total rejection of everything i am, and everything that i ever meant to her, if anything at all. I can't help but feel like it's because of me personally that she can't hold on to her feelings anymore.

I understand and I know it does indeed HURT..... but know that females are like a plate of spaghetti, we touch & connect everything - the past with the present, therefore we must heal the past to have a successful present life and love relationship..... (((( hugs ))))


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

EXAMPLE:

Women are like a plate of Spaghetti:

In contrast to men being like waffles (compartmentalizing life), women process life like a plate of pasta. If you look at a plate of spaghetti you will notice that there are lots of individual noodles that all touch one another. If you attempted to follow one noodle around the plate you would intersect a lot of other noodles – you might even switch to a different noodle without even knowing it. This is how women face life. Every thought and issue is connected to every other thought and issue in some manner, way or form. Life is much more of process for women than for men.

That's a really good explanation for her....sounds like her to a T. I guess i just need to learn how to lose her. I can't imagine a life without her in it, in any way, but is holding onto her like that a bad thing? How do i "lose" her and still hold onto all the memories that i have of our life together? We had our problems just like anyone else, but now that she's gone my entire perception of me as an individual that is capable of being loved is totally devastated.

Just a thought..... but maybe YOU need to work on you and not so much about trying to hold onto her or the memories right now. Your worth is not found in a woman.... it is found in YOU!!! - then she is a benefit to share your life with.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

That is definitely what i need to do. It's just hard to remember where to start making me "me" again instead of being part of an "us". Thanks for your clarity. I think this is the first time in months that anything has made any sense to me, thank you so much.

Frankie

YOU are WELCOME....

I had to do the same thing and it was with in my own marriage of 20 years.... I had to find the ME that got lost - I started by making a list of my past passions and then I took it from there.... I slowly came back and now I often take time for ME and not always just US..... for us cannot succeed if I am lost to self.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

that's a really good idea. I actually didn't really have any idea on how to get started, maybe that will give me some ideas of my own.

(((Swallowed by Hugs))), welcome!

thank you clyde

no problem, hope it gets better...and it will...just know we are here for you...

i'm sorry you're going through a rough time now. sounds as if you need some sour cream cookies and tea!

taking care of oneself when something like this happens is usually the last thing on our mind...but it is the most important thing that we can do. try for distractions..friends, books, movies, sports.....perhaps some volunteering where you're really needed.

keep posting. love, pat