[atomicc]

I would like to apologize in advance if I ramble or make nonsense of this thread. This is the first time I am actually seriously writing anything down about this..or even speak about it I suppose. I have kind of closed myself off from all the emotions of the tragedy, which is a problem in itself.
Megan has been my best friend since I was seven and she was five..but she was so much more than that. We grew up together. We went to the same small school for thirteen years and she lived down the street..so we saw each other every day. Even after both of us had graduated...our friendship never wavered.
It was even more than that though..she was like family to me. I could not imagine myself without her.
But it was even more than that...we had a romantic relationship as well. We were best friends with a constant crush on each other and explored ourselves sexually. I don't think I've ever heard of or experienced a friendship so close...we were a part of each other.
One month ago her body was found in a park near our homes. She had been missing for two weeks but none of us expected the worst. She had a drug problem for years, both her parents were addicts and her beloved father OD'd two years ago. We all thought maybe she was hiding out due to recent trouble she had with the law and her mother.
On August 15 2013 I waited outside our favorite spot to chill and drink for fours with her family and friends until they ID the body as her.
An illegal Mexican immigrant had (according to him, though I am in total disbelief. It just wasn't her) solicited her for sex with money and then proceeded to punch and strangle her to death. He then left her there and continued on with his life while posters of her beautiful face were hung outside his home and neighborhood.
It's been one month since I lost her. The thing is I didn't only lose her. She was two months pregnant and had asked me only a few weeks previously to be the godmother of her child.
We were to be joined for life that way.
I haven't dealt with her death at all. I have stuffed away into a little box in my head that only gets opened when my stress level is too much to handle.
I have a feeling that my brain is protecting me. I think this loss...to someone like me...so emotional and so attached to the few that I love...will absolutely ruin me.
I don't know what to do. Which is why I've started therapy. I do want to deal with her loss...I'm just so very scared.

[Gus1234U]

i hope you find a way to deal with all these emotions, little by little, they can come crashing out if you don't feel them as you can~

[SilverNeurotic]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Sabrina]

I am very sorry for your tragic loss. I am glad you are taking of yourself by going therapy

[Yoda]

I am so very sorry.

[growlycat]

So very sorry...there are no words...

[badshepherd]

Dear,
Don't be surprised if this grieving process takes a long time. You are so right to begin with some support.

Carry the very best of your friend with you and show her to the world. That way, she lives on in you.

[atomicc]

Originally Posted by Gus1234U

i hope you find a way to deal with all these emotions, little by little, they can come crashing out if you don't feel them as you can~

Thank you all so much! and Gus, I know just what you mean. That's the part I'm trying to avoid. I want to deal with it as much as I can in therapy so I'm not totally alone in this.

Which it feels like I am because no one I know has ever felt a loss like this except the her friends and I'm not close so much with them. Only her fiance and he's a bit unstable for my taste :/

[Grey Matter]

I am so, so god damn sorry that you lost her. Especially like this.

It was so brave of you to be open about this. It took me a long while to really talk about the death of my brother, and when I did I felt like some kind of weight was lifted. Because no one understood MY pain (as we all grieve differently) but I knew they understood that pain exists and understood it in their OWN way. And it helped me so much.

You're in my thoughts. We'll be here for you.

[shortandcute]

Losing someone you love is never easy. It's good that you posted about her. It will get better, so be patient with yourself. God bless you. I know your heart must be hurting.

[Rose3]

very sorry about your loss

[Rzay4]

Thanks for sharing your story...a first step to healing.

Glad your seeking support.