[Jessie-x]

so last year my granddad passed away on the 17th of august and tomorrow it will be 17th of august so it will be a year he has been gone,i don't have a clue how i am going to get through it i miss him so much i feel like its all my fault because when he was alive i was wishing and kept wishing for him to die because i didn't want to see him suffer the way he was ,but i think the wishes came true i feel so evil

[kaliope]

there is no reason for you to feel evil Jessie when you were only wishing to end his pain and suffering. that was a good wish. I am sorry you are hurting so. I hope that you have a support system with you and that you do something special to remember him tomorrow. talk about the happy memories you have of him and the special times. many hugs.

[Gus1234U]

there are so many ways to grieve, anger at self is part of the process... please be kind to yourself, as you re-experience these emotions~

[gayleggg]

Dear Jesse, no need to feel guilty for wishing someone be out of pain, that doesn't make you evil, it makes you human. It is natural for us to not want our loved ones to be in pain. I lived through this with my grandmother and my mother. They both suffered greatly before they died. My mother was dying and in great pain. I had to make a choice of whether to have the doctors give her medication to keep her out of pain, but that might shorten her life or to let her stay in pain. I made the choice to give her the medication. I don't know if it really shortened her life or not but I couldn't let her be in the kind of pain she was in. She didn't last another 24 hours, but I don't regret my decision. When it is our time to go, we go. It's been 4 years since she died and I miss her terribly, but try to remember the good times in order to honor their existance. Their lives meant more than that one day that took them away.
Best wishes,
Gayle