Does it EVER get any easier?

Its been almost 2 years since Dad died of cancer. I wont get into details about that or my ex-"family" The pain is not getting any better. I want to tear my f@cking house apart, tear the world apart. I want to scream and yell how unfair it is. I keep it inside because I don't know how to let it out, and I'm afraid if I do, I'll blow up into tiny pieces. Nobody would know by looking at me whats going on. I'm in denial sometimes. He's just away on a trip, he'll be back. How f$cked up is that? Then I realize I'll see him in heaven, so I want to speed up that process. But that won't work either. Whatever, I don't know anymore. Don't know why I'm telling everybody here this. I don't know ***** anymore.

Well, thanks for all the support here guys, so glad I shared. Guess I'll go crawl back into my hole. Not allowed to express it if your angry here? It has to be all crying and hugging? Fine, peace out

I can totally empathize with what you are feeling. It is absolute hell losing a parent and then having family members turn away. Have you considered going to a grief support group in your area (call your local crisis or distress line they may have a number for a grief support group you can go to). Allow yourself to cry don't hold back the tears. Do something to honour your dad's memory.....something that would make him happy. Also, you may want to go see your family doctor just for a physical exam....see how you are doing both physically & psychologically. Stay connected with ppl you feel you can open up to about you trauma and keep yourself safe.

I'm soory that you post was missed for those hours... when you needed support.

It does get easier... grief takes it's own time... you will grieve sooner or later... perhaps you are afraid to let it out? Maybe you fear if you let it out you won't regain control?

Why not set a day to think about your Dad and all that... someplace special, someplace you can allow your deep feelings... and allow yourself to grieve more?

I often went to my Dad's grave. My just recently passed Figaro (dog) would lie down and then poo on the grave, and I'd tell him some things...and we'd leave. It was a process...

tc

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE

also the first step in recovery of the grief is acceptance. think about would you really want him back suffering the affects of the cancer and being in pain or are you glad he is in Heaven now with no pain at all? I lost my granddaughter and it was the hardest thing in the world for me to finally start healing. it was only after I accepted that healing began. good luck hon

Hi Sublime,

The sense of loss is always with you, but you find a way to cope.

If you are feeling anger, that is part of the grieving process. Yes, sometimes it feels like our hearts or we will blow up into little pieces, and we will be scattered on the ground.

Sometimes we want to scream, "Our father, or mother or brother is dead! Why is the world still spinning around, and people going about their business."

It must be really hard to lose someone to cancer. Cancer seems like a cruel disease. Deep down we just don't want any of the people, who we deeply love to ever leave us through cancer, or a heart attack, or a stroke, or anything.

We want to hold onto those people who we love so desparately and dearly. Why did they have to go? We don't know. It's part of the human condition.

Please PM me if you need to talk, vent or whatever,

Hugs,

EJ

Hi Sublime,

I'm sorry but I just saw your post.
I have found nothing worse than losing your parents. I have lost both of mine. My Dad of heart attack and my Mom of cancer.
I still grieve and figure I always will. Oh, what it would feel like to be able to give them a hug.
I have had every thought that you have written. Where do we go from here?
I don't know. I take it day by day. That's all I can do for now. I can't see past that. I do hope it will get easier but for me, I doubt it.
I wish you all the best, and know that I know how you feel.
I'm sorry for your loss,
Hugs,
Linda

<font color="purple"> ((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))) </font>

YES.... it does get better in TINE (over time).

I lost my only daughter 10 years ago and it still hurts at times, but over all I am doing better and coping with life without her. I would say that it took about 4 years after her death that myself and the entire family (husband & 2 sons) started to function again, even though my oldest still has some left over ANGER in him that comes out from time to time.

As far as not feeling as though you can let it out - I want to share a few of things that worked for ME, in releasing my inner wounds / anger:

1.) Doing something physical as I thought about my daughter or how I was feeling inside helps... for the stuck feelings (good or bad) is energy, therefore, one needs to get physical to move it, and then eventually release it.
.... even walking will help.

2.) Taking a Pillow and Tennis Racket and then getting down on your knees - start to hit the pillow with the racket (from over your head to down on the pillow), as you start to hit harder start to yell and scream about everything you are feeling inside..... say whatever you need, even if it is not usual you or how you would talk or vent.
.... the point here is to VENT!! VENT!! VENT!! - you will feel drained after wards, but better later on that day, maybe even right away.

3.) Take a car ride to the middle of no where, with windows up and music blaring - SCREAM your heart out and let the tears flow.

4.) Exercise or Hitting / Kicking a Punching Bag is GREAT!!

***************

Hope this HELPS - if but a little..... tomorrow will be brighter.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( )))

I am truly sorry for your loss. I understand about anger. I was and still am extremely angry. Angry at the doctors, my family, myself, Life in General. I couldn't even deal with peoples comments and attempts at trying to console me in the first few months. I would get pissed at some of the things they would say. You know the comments. It was gods will, she was suffering. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes I would snap and lash out at people who were trying to comfort me. Then I just shut everyone out. Now nobody even calls or emails me. So your not alone. I don't have any advice for you because I have not really accepted my Moms death yet and her 1 year anniversary of her death is coming up in a few months. They say it does get easier in time. I surely hope it does. I am having just as hard of a time as you are. I can just say to you that your in my thoughts and I pray things get better. Maybe you can go to a grief counselor. Call the hospitals or mental health agencies and ask about one. If you are without insurance there are some places that will charge you a very small fee if anything at all. Call NAMI or the Mental Health Association for referrals. Good Luck to you.