[Grey Matter]

I would think at this point I'd miss my brother everyday, but the days where I can't function because the void of his presence is so very obvious are still happening and I am fearful they wont ever ease.

And maybe that's a good thing, because maybe that's how I loved him. And maybe it's horrible because I had a fear of him dying young since I was about 7 has made me nearly fearless in the face of anything. Including death.

I have been writing him "letters" since the day he died (august 12th 2012), and yesterday I wrote "I think this will be our last correspondence". It was like our last journey, something meant for him and myself even though he wasn't around to read any of them. But I simply ran out of words.

And god knows finding a support group for siblings who lost another sibling due to something other than cancer/suicide is a near god damn impossibility to find. The only one I did find was at a catholic church and basically it was about ending your grief because your sibling is with jesus and how we can repent our own sins so we can see our siblings again which is lol yeah no thank you.

It's never getting easier. I know it won't. And maybe at the end of it all it's just a testament to how much I loved him. He was an amazing 23 year old. He deserves to be missed like this.

I'll be older than him come August. What a shame.

[Perna]

It won't ever go away but it will get easier. Yes, I remember when I surpassed my mother's age at her death. Now I'm almost 25 years older than she was, think how much more I "know" than she did.

[Grey Matter]

he was smarter, he was changing things, and he was the one to just suddenly die.

Never makes any sense. should have been me 100%.

Different people have different ways to move forward. I myself have lost parts of me due to losing people close to me. Does it get easier? It does but we will never be the same that's for sure. I'm sorry for your!!

[littlemiss44]

I'm so sorry honey...grief is so hard to deal with. I.just lost my mom 4 weeks ago and I've been numb..I.can't imagine what you are going thru but I think time is a great healer. Grief is different for everyone and don't let anyone tell you to get over it. It sounds like he was a wonderful person. I'm just so sorry. Hugs to you.

[Grey Matter]

I am so sorry for your loss, and I know you've must have heard it 10000 times now, but I know the pain of losing an immediate family member and I am truly sorry she is gone *hugs*.

He was a brilliant, brilliant boy. He corrected a NY times article on game theory at the age of 16 and they published the correction because they were so amazed. His empathy was incredible, even when he was at his sickest he cared so deeply for others.

I almost grieve for the world, that they are missing out on him. He was going to work in social law, especially to protect women +children and the poor. He was just... great.

and now that lights gone.

[emmetropia]

Originally Posted by Grey Matter

he was smarter, he was changing things, and he was the one to just suddenly die.

Never makes any sense. should have been me 100%.

that's the whole blasted point. those of us who 'should' die, keep going. remembering the better that passed on.