[Petra5ed]

I'm crushed to find out that I'm pregnant with a girl. I knew I'd prefer a boy, but the news hit me harder than I'd expected and I've done nothing but cry since. I think there's a good chance I feel so strongly because my BPD psycho mother was extremely emotionally (and physically) abusive, and I have this feeling that daughters hate their mothers and that women are crazy. I felt like a son on the other hand would love and defend me. I know it's probably irrational, but I feel like my daughter will hate me. The only thing I was looking forward to in a child was finally someone to make me feel loved, so I feel robbed of that. I'm sure this all sounds very selfish, because I am selfish. I'm a horrible person.

[Travelinglady]

You aren't a horrible person. Not being happy with the gender of a baby is fairly common. And, as you say, you are worried about what it will mean to have a daughter. Of course, your feelings/concerns are exaggerated. Not every daughter will grow up hating her mother.

I suggest you talk to a therapist about your situation and even get support as you are raising your dear daughter. Okay?

[CANDC]

Dear Petra, I am so sorry you are in distress. You are not a terrible person. You are in a situation where you say you do not feel loved in the relationships you are in. That is so common among my friends with relationships.
Maybe the disappointment with your daughter masks disappointment with other relationships in your life. Traveling Lady's advice seems sound. Get someone like a therapist that you can really talk to. Maybe having someone "on your side" will help relieve some of your expectations and disappointments with your new daughter and her birth can become a joyous event.