[Monty_girl]

In my job working with the elderly, I know that I will lose client's from time to time. But I lost a client I was really close to. I'm just in shock and very sadden today. Some client's I come to think of as family or friends. It's hard not too knowing them for almost 5 yrs. I really enjoyed going to this client's house and sitting around talking and laughing with her. She had no family and just a few friends. I know that she enjoyed our visits together as much as I did.

Sometimes I wonder if I get to close to my client's. More then I need to. But then I think about how I'm one of only a few ppl these ppl have in their life. I just can't turn a cold shoulder. Just hurts when I lose them. I guess when I stop feeling a loss, is the day I just need to stop doing this job.

I'm just sad today. She was a good friend to me.

I'm so sorry, Lisa.

She was lucky to have you in her life.

((( HUGS )))

[lenjan]

((((((((Monty)))))))) It might be weird of me, I dunno, but I think about this a lot -- about who will still be around for me if I'm lucky enough to grow old. My sibs are from 8 to 13 years older than me. Most of my close friends are in their 60s already (I'm just over 40). Picturing myself alone in a nursing home with no family or friends is not a pretty picture. I hope someone as caring as you are will come along for me, if it comes to that.

You sound like a very compassionate and loving person, and the world sure needs more of those.



Candy

[EJ711]

Monty,

I'm sorry for your loss.

EJ

[Monty_girl]

Went to the funeral saturday. Wasn't much flowers or anything. Just a few ppl who knew her from the Senior Center that worked with her as well. It was sad.

[Perna]

I'm so very glad she had a friend like you! One of my middle-of-the-night fears if not having people like you around me when I get old.

[DocClyde]

Me too! Very glad there are people like you, Monty_girl...

[hillbunnyb]

))))))) )) montygirl ((((((( ( ( hey, so sorry you lost a dear friend.
I agree with the others : you were a great boon to her in her final years. What a precious gift for both of you.

Death is such a finality. BAM, even if expected,leaves such a vacuum for us to deal with in our grief. Do you have others in your life who do this work too, that you could form a support group with? Burnout is a real issue.

Some people fear grief so much they won't take the risk to love somebody or something. My Mom won't have a pet because she knows they'll die. Sad way to go about life, IMHO.

I would rather go through the gauntlet of feelings and get through to the other side, myself. And, I have a shipload of great memories to prove it!!!!

SAVE THE EARTH: IT'S THE ONLY PLANET WITH CHOCOLATE !!
(I love this ^bumper sticker!)

[domino]

All these elderly people are really happy to have you around them and probably are glad to have someone like you during the final days of their lives. Your very brave Monty girl and I can understand that it's a very hard job as you can easily get attached to the people you are looking after.

[Azalysa]

Hi, Monty!

I realize this is an old thread, but I just came across it after being offline for a time and wanted to respond.

I worked for Hospice for 4 years, so going in I knew each of my patients would be dying. And they comprised a wide age range: the youngest patient I worked with was 10 and the eldest 89 or thereabouts, with every age in between. As in your situation, I developed more of a rapport with some patients than others and was especially sad when they died. But, oh how I treasure the time I spent with them and the life lessons ~I~ learned from ~them.~

Your post sounds like you understand the difference between keeping "professional distance" but still offering a nurturing relationship. And your patients are so very lucky to have one as caring as you.

Some of the funerals I attended were quite small as well. I felt privileged to be there and many times family members I had not met would approach me, wishing to talk or express feelings that were "safer" with a "caring professional" than a direct family member.

I resigned my hospice job after 4 years due to a variety of circumstances, but it is the ~one~ job I truly loved and hope to work there in the future.

{{{{{Monty_girl}}}}}}

[InACorner]

Like Azalysa said its old but i couldnt put off from responding....i work in a nursing home as a certified nursing assistant...and your right ...some of them dont get to see family or have company...and i try so hard to keep visiting those residents as well as the ones with family because a nursing home is kinda depressing in general ...You know though what i think about keeping a professional distance though??? I think of it this way ..my profession is too take care of them...mentally and physically....and if you see differences i see one resident who has a professional distance cna and they dont take about the residents feelings...there is no humor no hugs no laughter...its almost mechanical...and the resident is not happy...if i come in there i will be the first to admit i have said i love you to a resident...and guess what...they say it right back..and sometimes they say it first....they brighten up when they see me...and it feels so good...the idea about this post is not to make myself look good lol ...but it is to show you there can be no such thing as professional distance (except when it comes to touching and physical contact and certain "relationships") when you work with humans..it is our nature to nurture....not to expose that tender vunerable soul and not say a kind word ....not to make that blessed human feel anything but independent and worthless without a huge hug and supportive words....i work with them the way i would want to be treated later on in my life...and so what if i dont have family visit me...as long as my cnas love me and take care of me and spend some time with me....thats all i ask ...and when they look you in your eyes and say please hug me..i love you...your my little girl...HOW can you stay distant with that??
good luck. sweety and remember if your having this problem your probably doing your job right...lol and i know thats not in the job description either....
love, Inny