[huntk94]

My mum died on the 1st of feb, she committed suicide. No one saw it coming, no one. The night she died she was so happy, she had back problems had lots of surgery and was getting so much better. Her husband has pushed and pushed theories on us, made the whole thing about him, took 8 days to ask how I was. Completely made the funeral about him, I couldn't even be sad because the whole time I was just angry about what was being said. Everything they said about her was just crap, even her friends were angry. Then when they were having the speech about her life etc... they proceeded to tell the 70 odd people how she died! he had approved it and was meant to ask us (her children) if we were happy with it, he failed to do so. Everyone who needed to know, knew, so why tell everyone who didn't need to? I wasn't going to because I don't want people remembering her like that. They had only been married a year and the whole entire thing was about him. Anyway my point is the funeral was meant to be my goodbye and I didn't do that. I couldn't do that. Im finding it very very difficult to come to terms with it. Everyone thinks im coping really well and in reality I feel like im drowning. I don't want this to completely destroy me, she wouldn't either but I feel like it already has. This huge part of my life has just gone. I look at my babies and I could never ever imagine leaving them willingly and it breaks my heart because she left us. I cant help but wonder if she thought about us, how much we need her and how hard we were gonna find it going on without her. Its my sons first birthday next month and all I can think about is how this time last year she was soo exited to meet him. My 3 year old keeps asking when we can go see nanny and it breaks my heart every time. Im so scared im going to forget everything, like how she sounded or all the stuff she used to say to me. Im terrified that as time goes on that's all gonna fade away and I just don't know what to do anymore

[bounceback]

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but there isn't. I know from experience that people who are suicidal act happy towards the last couple of days because they have finally found a means to end their pain. All I can say is allow yourself to grieve and let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. Find a grief group if you can or a therapist or both. Be kind to yourself. Eventually over time things will get better. It will never be the same again but you will get adjusted to a new normal. I hope this helps. I want you to know someone read your post and isn't ignoring you and cares about you. Post as often as you need I will be here and I am sure so will others.

Just wanted to add I lost my mom last March so I can kind of understand how it is to lose a mom.

[peaceseeker63]

I am so sorry for your loss huntk94. Losing your mom is very hard, especially to suicide. My mom died last April and I have been going to a grief support group to help me deal with my feelings. Can you find a group near your home? It sounds like her husbabd didn't take your feelings into account when he arranged the servicd and that is hard to take. I hope you can get some support.

[Squaw]

I feel so bad for your situation..obviously your Mom couldn't continue living the way she was, in pain..I hate to question this but do you know for a fact this was suicide? I firmly believe that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, I've been taught this by many preachers over the years..maybe the Lord decided to take her home since she sounded like she was suffering.. I hope I haven't offended you in any way..The Lord will provide you comfort if you will lean on Him for help. Be blessed, ((((( huntk94 )))))

[likewater]

Originally Posted by bounceback

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but there isn't. I know from experience that people who are suicidal act happy towards the last couple of days because they have finally found a means to end their pain. All I can say is allow yourself to grieve and let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. Find a grief group if you can or a therapist or both. Be kind to yourself. Eventually over time things will get better. It will never be the same again but you will get adjusted to a new normal. I hope this helps. I want you to know someone read your post and isn't ignoring you and cares about you. Post as often as you need I will be here and I am sure so will others.

Just wanted to add I lost my mom last March so I can kind of understand how it is to lose a mom.

I'm so sorry. I agree this had nothing to do with you. She wasn't thinking of it in terms of leaving you. Most people who choose to end their own lives feel they aren't contributing anything to anyone elses's life. My favorite book about this is, Picking Up the Pieces Without All the Pieces. May angels surround you.