[Maddybaddy01]

I'm feeling very sad today. I know it sounds dumb- I lost her on May 5, 2014 and I'm still hurting over it, but that is just how it is. I'm only 29. I lost her at 28. I loved her more than I loved anyone else. I gave up friends and a life just to help her. And she died on me. My support network has been really lousy. I was living in Illinois when she passed. I had no friends or close family there. When she died, I was completely alone and nobody would give me the time of day. I thought I had friends overseas. Before she died, I had been living abroad. I had good friends and a good church where I was. They invited me out, checked in on me regularly, visited me randomly. I had a boyfriend whom I thought had loved me. And then I left all of that to take care of my mom. Well, 5 months after arriving, she died on me and I had the "pleasure" of watching her die. And nobody was there for me- not a soul. And my overseas friends, while they still kept in touch before she died, suddenly drifted away from me. I still spoke with my boyfriend and he kept telling me I needed to come back. It took me 18 months, but I finally did. And my support network is still lacking. He and I are engaged now. I feel like it was a mistake leaving the States. Not only do I still not have friends and people don't want to give me the time of day, but my job is very stressful here and there is little hope of finding another one since the unemployment rate is so high. My fiancé hasn't been all that supportive of me- yesterday I came home from work crying and he couldn't even try to comfort me. He told me he would take me out but he complained about it while he was getting ready, and when I got in the car and continued to cry, he said, "why can't you just be more normal and be happy?" I'm very unhappy here and would like to leave. I made a mistake coming out here. I just don't really have a home to go to.

[AngelMoon]

I'm sorry for your lost

Originally Posted by Maddybaddy01

I'm feeling very sad today. I know it sounds dumb- I lost her on May 5, 2014 and I'm still hurting over it, but that is just how it is. I'm only 29. I lost her at 28. I loved her more than I loved anyone else. I gave up friends and a life just to help her. And she died on me. My support network has been really lousy. I was living in Illinois when she passed. I had no friends or close family there. When she died, I was completely alone and nobody would give me the time of day. I thought I had friends overseas. Before she died, I had been living abroad. I had good friends and a good church where I was. They invited me out, checked in on me regularly, visited me randomly. I had a boyfriend whom I thought had loved me. And then I left all of that to take care of my mom. Well, 5 months after arriving, she died on me and I had the "pleasure" of watching her die. And nobody was there for me- not a soul. And my overseas friends, while they still kept in touch before she died, suddenly drifted away from me. I still spoke with my boyfriend and he kept telling me I needed to come back. It took me 18 months, but I finally did. And my support network is still lacking. He and I are engaged now. I feel like it was a mistake leaving the States. Not only do I still not have friends and people don't want to give me the time of day, but my job is very stressful here and there is little hope of finding another one since the unemployment rate is so high. My fiancé hasn't been all that supportive of me- yesterday I came home from work crying and he couldn't even try to comfort me. He told me he would take me out but he complained about it while he was getting ready, and when I got in the car and continued to cry, he said, "why can't you just be more normal and be happy?" I'm very unhappy here and would like to leave. I made a mistake coming out here. I just don't really have a home to go to.

it can take a lot of time to heal from grief

be gentle on yourself

sorry for your loss

((((((hugs))))))

[gayleggg]

Losing someone who you are close to hurts. Have you considered therapy? It might give you the sense of support you need.

You have my sympathy. I lost my dear mother in 2008. I still miss her.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

i am really sorry for your loss
hugs xx

[littleowl2006]

Wow you have been through a lot. It is completely normal to cry I'd say if you have given so much. Please take some time to heal, give yourself what you need and take good care of yourself.
Home is where you can be yourself, and I know how it feels when you have lost that place.
Lots of love and hugs to you

[KEB1990]

Your story sounds so much like my own. My mom was my best friend. It hits you like a ton of bricks and its like part of your hart has been taken away. I don't have really any family who cares either other then my dad . Hugs to you .

[spring2014]

hi maddy,
I feel bad for you. my mom is gone too. I lost my mom five years ago on March 15 ,2010. im still lost without my mom .I have my support team still. I see my therapist every three to four weeks . I have my church family. I rely on my therapist more nowadays cuz she is helping me to get through this mess. I had to watch my mom died in front of me in the hospital and it brought back bad memories for me when she died .have you seen a therapist overseas ? if you have one start seeing your therapist about what happened .









Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily at night for insomnia with an additional 25 mgs= 75 mgs at night for insomnia when up past 1:00 in the morning

[Open Eyes]

I think you should see if you can get grief counseling (((Maddybaddy)))). Unfortunately, a lot of people don't know "how" to comfort someone experiencing grief. Giving the right support to someone who suffered a loss of a parent, especially when they witnessed their loved one die is something a person has to learn how to do. People who have not experienced a loss of a loved one don't understand the lonliness that comes with that loss, and it takes the survivor a while grieve a loss when they were so close with a parent.

I hear you regretting leaving where you were abroad to go home and care for your mother, and that you had to do that alone. But what you did for your mother WAS WONDERFUL, she was SO LUCKY to have a loving daughter be there for her until she passed. It sounds to me like you and your mother "loved" each other. Well, not everyone has that kind of relationship with their mother, in fact, a person can live their entire life not having the experience of that kind of love and closeness.

So, for you to get the kind of caring and comforting support you crave, you would have to find another individual who really understands the gravity of your loss. It does make a difference. Not everyone knows how to love that way ((Maddy)).

I am sorry your boyfriend has been on the cold side with you. I think what "he" is looking for is the person who loved and focused on "him" that you had been. See, you know HOW to love and appreciate, he may not. Some men are very uncomfortable with that, again no one really taught them. Before you commit, make sure you see how his father treats his mother, that is what he imprinted and "knows".