Hi,

I've been grieving not having the kind of parents I needed growing up. Thus far, I've mostly been grieving through drawing because it has felt easier than finding the words, but now I feel I'm finally ready to talk/write about it. So, here goes. Just need to share this

It feels like a pang to the stomach that my mum didn't love me. Not enough.. She took care of me, kept me alive - but she hated who I was. She didn't want to know about my feelings if they messed with her plan for my life, or hers. Like, if she'd listened to me when I cried over being scared of my dad, she would have had to face the question of whether or not she should leave him. She didn't want that, so she didn't listen to me.

She wanted me to go to school and basically live the life she missed out on - so she could live it through me this time, I don't know!? - but I didn't want that. And I'm not letting go of what I want anymore. She can go F herself if she won't let me live the kind of life I want to lead, in peace.

I have spoken

[Cat_Lover_58]

Good for you d.o.a. You deserve to live your life the way you see fit, and yes, in peace. I'm glad you have spoken

Originally Posted by Cat_Lover_58

I'm glad you have spoken

This might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you so much Cat Lover! I've always thought no one would care to know how I feel. It's nice to be proven wrong

[gamegeek4001]

Originally Posted by d.o.a.

Hi,

I've been grieving not having the kind of parents I needed growing up. Thus far, I've mostly been grieving through drawing because it has felt easier than finding the words, but now I feel I'm finally ready to talk/write about it. So, here goes. Just need to share this

It feels like a pang to the stomach that my mum didn't love me. Not enough.. She took care of me, kept me alive - but she hated who I was. She didn't want to know about my feelings if they messed with her plan for my life, or hers. Like, if she'd listened to me when I cried over being scared of my dad, she would have had to face the question of whether or not she should leave him. She didn't want that, so she didn't listen to me.

She wanted me to go to school and basically live the life she missed out on - so she could live it through me this time, I don't know!? - but I didn't want that. And I'm not letting go of what I want anymore. She can go F herself if she won't let me live the kind of life I want to lead, in peace.

I have spoken

I have had a pretty similar issue with my mother for a long time. She was quite strict and emotionally abusive. She was raised in a similar way from what I understand so it is understandable that she would do that. I hated me younger life with her. It wasn't until I moved in with my dad that my life did and entire 180 for the better. He was way more understanding and patient than my mother ever could be.

As much as people might say to keep your family close and all of that jazz, if it is someone that is toxic in your life, it is better to cut them out of it if they are not willing to possibly make amends.

[Cat_Lover_58]

merry christmas d.o.a. and I hope this day brings you peace!

[spondiferous]

I appreciate you sharing this, d.o.a. I was neglected/abandoned by my parents growing up, and to this day I still feel completely alone and detached from everyone and everything no matter what happens, how well they treat me, etc. There were many things in life they (parents) never protected me from that should not have happened, things they as parents should have dealt with as I was only a child, as well as the constant judgements and other assorted unpleasantries. It never occurred to me to consider it a loss until just recently, I'd say within the last few years of therapy. It gives me hope to see that others (like yourself) are speaking out about it as well. I wish you peace and healing.

Thank you so much, Cat Lover! I hope you had a peaceful and enjoyable Christmas

Being abandoned was a club I bet none of us wanted to belong to, but it feels good to know I'm not alone.. Thank you for sharing your stories, gamegeek and spondiferous. I wish you all the best as well

The pain is sometimes overwhelming, and feeling detached from others creates more pain.. I suppose that's why it's important to speak up about these things on a forum such as this - to find we're not alone after all