[EJ711]

Friends,

I cried today when I thought of my dear grandmother. She was the only grandmother I knew. She lived with us until she fell and broke her hip.

I cried today when I mentioned her cane to the stranger at the hospital telling me to do painful exercises. I was using her cane now.

How could this happen that now I need her cane?

My broken ankle, which is on the mend, still looks like a broken bird, reminding me of my mother's ankle(s), when she was climbing her ladder to Heaven in her 80's.

I feel so alone. No children following in my steps. I tried so hard to have children. My husband struggles to keep going despite the pain he feels, and someone eight years older than me. No family where I live.

Tomorrow I break free of my post-op boot.

Maybe I will celebrate my birthday sitting in the shower, with water washing over me, an my youth going down the drain. Will it ever be the same?

Besides both my feet, which complain loudly every day, I don't feel all that old, but people look at me that way now. I wish that were different somehow. I wish someone from my family would call, so I knew someone cared, but the phone sits silent.

EJ

[(JD)]

((((EJ))) Sometimes we just can't equate another person's caring with whether they call or not... their caring just might not fall within the normal range of our expectations?

Milestones in our lives often cause us to recall those who went before us... birthdays especially remind us of our own mortality and make us reevaluate our path... or we can use them for that retrospection.

What will you do for your birthday? Have a piece of cake for me, ok?

[bebop]

(((((((((((dear sweet Jane))))))))))))

[EJ711]

Sky,

Thanks for sharing your wisdom. That's it -- I'm dealing with my mortality. It seems to occur every 30 years. My 30th birthday caused me much anguish and soul-searching, and now my 60th is causing me angst as well. Hopefully, my 90th birthday will be spent in Heaven. No more tears -- no more sorrow.

Bebop,

Thanks for the hugs!

EJ

[bebop]

hon I think mine is going in 7 yr cycles. when I hit 43 I went into a big funk. this year when I hit 50 I am in a bad depression. when we look back on our lives I think we have alot of regrets and can do nothing about it. but hey we all have each other right hon?

[EJ711]

Hi Bebop,

I feel good this morning.

Thanks for your sweet note!!

When I was able to run around on two feet, I never really appreciated what a great blessing it was.

Hugs,

EJ

[bebop]

Happy birthday hon! you will be back on 2 feet really soon!

[EJ711]

Bebop,

Thanks for your encouraging words -- I was walking around on both feet today, with the aid of my grandmother's cane.

Hugs,

EJ

[bebop]

ej that is wonderful! soon now you will not need the cane! woo hoo