[Trace14]

Tomorrow is his birthday and I can't feel happy for him. Anger, sadness, grief, guilt, a lot of emotions but not happy.

[leejosepho]

All births are ultimately headed toward death, and I see no reason to celebrate the birth of anyone either still-living or deceased. However, and if happy memories or thoughts are what you seek, maybe look to other times during your co-existence here on earth...and I mourn with you (assuming you do) over the early loss of your father.

[CANDC]

Trace14 I am sorry for the sad memories that are stirred up upon thinking of your father's death. My own dad died 6 months ago and it still hurts, although less than before. The more I talk about it in my support group the less charged the whole experience is.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Trace14 I am sorry for the sad memories that are stirred up upon thinking of your father's death. My own dad died 6 months ago and it still hurts, although less than before. The more I talk about it in my support group the less charged the whole experience is.

I'm sorry you lost your Dad. was it by suicide?

[Yoda]

(((Trace)))

[Trace14]

Has anyone ever wondered if suicide is hereditary? How can that be? But it does seem to run in families. Not sure if it's genetic or how they learned that this is how to handle sadness.

Originally Posted by Trace14

But it does seem to run in families.

Makes me think of the actress Mariel Hemingway (her grandfather was Ernest Hemingway who also committed suicide).
Make sure you are careful/self reflective about how you are feeling. Are you seeing a therapist?

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

Makes me think of the actress Mariel Hemingway (her grandfather was Ernest Hemingway who also committed suicide).
Make sure you are careful/self reflective about how you are feeling. Are you seeing a therapist?

Yes, I am seeing a therapist. Not making a lot of progress though.
Didn't know that about the Hemingways. But if does seem to run in families for some reason.

Originally Posted by Trace14

Yes, I am seeing a therapist. Not making a lot of progress though.
Didn't know that about the Hemingways. But if does seem to run in families for some reason.

It can take time to make progress--I remember not opening up about things I needed to talk about for 6 months and you make more progress if you go weekly, rather than monthly.

Mariel Hemingway's sister was the other family member that committed suicide (and I think there are others in that family) but wondering "why" someone committed and how it effected you is "crazy making" so I am glad you have a therapist....

[88Butterfly88]

So sorry for your loss.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

It can take time to make progress--I remember not opening up about things I needed to talk about for 6 months and you make more progress if you go weekly, rather than monthly.

Mariel Hemingway's sister was the other family member that committed suicide (and I think there are others in that family) but wondering "why" someone committed and how it effected you is "crazy making" so I am glad you have a therapist....

I can't imagine having so many in one family to do that.

[*Laurie*]

I have experienced 2 suicides in my family. I have read research articles that state suicidal tendencies can be genetic. So it's definitely something to be aware of.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I have experienced 2 suicides in my family. I have read research articles that state suicidal tendencies can be genetic. So it's definitely something to be aware of.

Too bad there's not some genetic testing to sort out all of this. I think dad was the first suicide in our family, I think. He didn't call anyone before he did it. It was just a split second decision I think, how do you prepare for something like that? Though I think he had been thinking about it for a while, from some of the remarks he would make.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Too bad there's not some genetic testing to sort out all of this. I think dad was the first suicide in our family, I think. He didn't call anyone before he did it. It was just a split second decision I think, how do you prepare for something like that? Though I think he had been thinking about it for a while, from some of the remarks he would make.

Trace, I am sorry for the loss of your dad. Having a parent take their own life presents many challenges for the survivors. Hope you find the support you need.

[Misssy2]

Have you been able to pinpoint the source of anger with your therapist?

Are you angry he left you?

Suicide happens when a person sees no other way out of intense sadness and grief...I knew someone who killed themselves immediately after they got let go from a job....the financial burden...the person did not see a future or another way out....I only feel pity for someone that feels so desperate.

Usually people who are really set on committing suicide do not give warnings or communicate their desperation...leaving survivors to wonder if they could have helped...I think when someone is that set on taking their own lives there is no help to be had.

A child I babysat..hung himself in a closet years later...and even with him not being a relative or someone I was extremely close to...I kept asking myself for years...why didn't I see it? Why couldn't I be the one to save him. So, being this is your Dad..i can't imagine the turmoil your mind is in.

I really hope that you can come to terms someday with your anger...because there was nothing you could have done...and I'm sure he did not think thru the heartache it would cause the people that he was leaving behind .

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Misssy2

Have you been able to pinpoint the source of anger with your therapist?

Are you angry he left you?

Suicide happens when a person sees no other way out of intense sadness and grief...I knew someone who killed themselves immediately after they got let go from a job....the financial burden...the person did not see a future or another way out....I only feel pity for someone that feels so desperate.

Usually people who are really set on committing suicide do not give warnings or communicate their desperation...leaving survivors to wonder if they could have helped...I think when someone is that set on taking their own lives there is no help to be had.

A child I babysat..hung himself in a closet years later...and even with him not being a relative or someone I was extremely close to...I kept asking myself for years...why didn't I see it? Why couldn't I be the one to save him. So, being this is your Dad..i can't imagine the turmoil your mind is in.

I really hope that you can come to terms someday with your anger...because there was nothing you could have done...and I'm sure he did not think thru the heartache it would cause the people that he was leaving behind .

Not angry with him anymore, he did what he had to do and I understand his reasons, or what I think his reasons are.

[CANDC]

Trace glad to hear you are unburdened of anger towards him. It only weighs us down and usually is a cover for our deep seated grief. Sounds like you are on the road to healing.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Trace glad to hear you are unburdened of anger towards him. It only weighs us down and usually is a cover for our deep seated grief. Sounds like you are on the road to healing.

Not sure if it's a good thing or not. I understand why he did it and it's okay that he chose to leave that way. It was his choice and that's to be respected.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Not sure if it's a good thing or not. I understand why he did it and it's okay that he chose to leave that way. It was his choice and that's to be respected.

We can never be sure. But unburdening ourselves of anger creates space to experience other stages of grief, including grieving for the relationship we never had with them