[Trace14]

An ex partners mom just called and said they were found dead last Wednesday. We lived together for 8 years and until drugs got involved we were happy. We went our separate ways and haven't spoken for years. I'm still upset about the death.
May have been a suicide or accidental overdose.

[FallDuskTrain]

I am sorry.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

I am sorry.

Thank you.

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Thank you.

How are you holding up?

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

How are you holding up?

Still hard to believe it happened and that you will never see or speak to them again. Makes me wonder if you ever stop loving someone, once you love them.

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Still hard to believe it happened and that you will never see or speak to them again. Makes me wonder if you ever stop loving someone, once you love them.

My answer to that is, once you love someone, probably you will not stop loving them.
And I believe that is the beauty of love. That it remains forever and makes our hearts softer, despite the hash pain.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Trace, I'm so sorry to hear this.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Trace, I'm so sorry to hear this.

Thank you.

[Trace14]

Is it normal to feel guilty and hurt after the death of a spouse, partner, girlfriend , boyfriend? Is there something I could have done? Was I wrong for breaking off communications?

[Bill3]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Yes I believe it is common to feel guilt and to wonder if one should have done something different. I myself had that feeling when I lost a friend to suicide.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Yes I believe it is common to feel guilt and to wonder if one should have done something different. I myself had that feeling when I lost a friend to suicide.

I lost my dad to suicide a little over four years ago, still working on that. Now this.....I don't want to think this was an intentional overdose....but it may have been.

[Bill3]

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad.

((((Trace14))))

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad.

((((Trace14))))

His name was Bill.

[Bill3]

((((((((((Trace14))))))))))

[tecomsin]

I am sorry for your loss. Grief is a heavy and complicated state and lots of emotions can come up. Do you have someone to support you locally you can talk with?

[Travelinglady]

I'm sad to hear about your loss.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

I am sorry for your loss. Grief is a heavy and complicated state and lots of emotions can come up. Do you have someone to support you locally you can talk with?

Not really, I did call the VA crisis line last night to talk to them. It helped some.

(((Trace14)))

You have such a big heart. I know this from your posts

I am so sorry for your losses and pain

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by key tones

(((Trace14)))

You have such a big heart. I know this from your posts

I am so sorry for your losses and pain

Thanks, I do care a lot for people. Always have, even as a young child I was always doing things for people to take care of them and make them happy. This gave me happiness that I didn't otherwise have I guess.

[Trace14]

I was suppose to go to an unplanned session today but I couldn't. Got to thinking about what we would be talking about and got physically sick. Took Trazadone and NyQuil to go to sleep and I had nightmares about the ex partner all night. I know I needed to go, but my mind and body seemed to be fighting me on it.
I feel like such a loser for missing this appt. she got for me on such short notice.

[Open Eyes]

We lived together for 8 years and until drugs got involved we were happy. We went our separate ways and haven't spoken for years.

Is it normal to feel guilty and hurt after the death of a spouse, partner, girlfriend , boyfriend? Is there something I could have done? Was I wrong for breaking off communications?

Trace, you can't "fix" another person and this partner was the one who ruined the relationship with his drug use. And he did not stop using drugs and that was not your fault or anything you should feel guilty about. If you stopped communicating and years passed by, and he met this end this was not your doing, was his and his alone.

When we love someone we really want the best for that person, we want that person to be happy and safe. Yet, people we love can end up making bad choices and it's very sad when we see that happen. However, all of us are limited in how much control we can have over another person.

It might be helpful for you to take some time and see how you may have developed the belief where if something bad happens to someone else you love that somehow it is your fault and that you should feel guilty.

This could have been something you watched someone else do, insist on self blaming for a loss when it really wasn't their fault. Or, sometimes this belief comes from a parent or mentor/teacher/trainer who encouraged you to believe that if something bad happens then you are to blame.

What would you say to someone else if you saw that person feeling guilt when something bad happened to someone they loved? I seriously doubt you would encourage that person to feel guilt. So, with that have a quiet sit down with yourself and encourage self not to self blame for a tragic ending that is not in anyway your fault or that you should carry personal guilt for.