[Poe824]

Has anyone found this helpful? One on one or in a group? I'm really struggling and desperately need to get myself some further help.

[Gus1234U]

sorry to say i can't actually help, Poe; but i hope you find just the right person to support you thru this terrible time~

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry this is not something I have had experience with either. However here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of grief & loss:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/on-grie...-coping/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/health...avigate-grief/

https://psychcentral.com/resources/G...upport_Groups/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-tru...rief-and-loss/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindf...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/menta...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/news/2006/1...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bondi...o-get-unstuck/

My best wishes to you...

[healingme4me]

My sons aunt did have grief counseling years ago, as did many in her immediate family. They branched off from there with individual therapy and other ways of coping with their grieving experience. I know she now belongs to a specifically geared support group and it's been beneficial for her.
I know there are groups I could have joined for survivors of losing a loved one to cancer. I utilized individual therapy and family.
I also could have utilized in person support groups for dv survivors. But who would have watched my kids? I utilized individual counseling as well as prior to pc, online support.

I went to Alanon for a point in time...

[ohmydaisy]

I'm currently in therapy for grief, if that's what you mean. I think it's definitely helpful but it depends on what you need I think. I'm currently trying to process my grief 2 years after losing my brother because I didn't process it at the time. For me, I've disassociated and relearning that feeling emotions is okay and how to deal with them in a healthy way. It's been frustrating because I don't see much of an improvement, I just feel crappy all the time but my T told me that it's going to feel worse and then get better.

It might be good to talk it out loud whether it's one on one or in a group. It sort of helps being around people that understand what you're going through, instead of getting the pity eyes from those that don't quite understand. It doesn't hurt to try and see if it works for you?

[CANDC]

I have done grief support groups. They tend to focus more on coping skills but having others who are grieving helps feeling understood and empathized with.

[TerryL]

i prefer one on one counseling. you might also consider hotlines or warmlines as you never know when the grief will hit. i hope you will be okay. take care.

[Keyplayer]

Hi Guys ,

As many of you know I lost my parents and can not grieve there loss , I have Complicated Grief Syndrome .

I just took the "grief" test and scored a 52 , high for anyone suffering a loss.

I can only speak for me , one on one therapy has saved my life so far ,I did go to one group and all they did was talk about how bad they feel , I thought no kidding , so how to I get better ?

There were no answers , just stupid people wanting something.

There are days I am up and days I just want to go for the long ride , and say screw it.

If I were not in therapy , I probably would have taken that long ride , I still want to sometimes , but I remain.

Days are so lonely , and I am always thinking of things I should have said , things that might have saved my life when they were alive , but all that is gone now.

Having Complicated Grief Syndrome is hard enough , but when you toss in the dysphoria of me being trans , the anxiety and depression , I so often wonder why I am here , why me.

I am nothing special , I just try to help , sometimes I can`t do that .

Soon I wil not be able to do anything , and then there really is only one logical choice.

Just needed to write somewhere , I now , what a downer , yeh , that`s me.

Catch you guy`s later thanks for listening to me type : LOL

Keyplayer 

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by Keyplayer

Hi Guys ,


Soon I wil not be able to do anything

what do you mean by that keyplayer?

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Poe824

Has anyone found this helpful? One on one or in a group? I'm really struggling and desperately need to get myself some further help.

I believe so. I wish my parents had found a grief counselor when I was nine. Have you thought about a grief journal?

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

I'm sorry this is not something I have had experience with either. However here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of grief & loss:

On Grief, Loss and Coping

Healthy Ways to Navigate Grief

Grief and Loss: Support Groups Resources

| Psych Central

The Truth about Grief and Loss

Feeling Grief Means Being Alive: 7 Tips to Help | Mindfulness and Psychotherapy

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/menta...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/news/2006/1...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bondi...o-get-unstuck/

My best wishes to you...

Great advice!I wish that I had thought about that myself!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

My sons aunt did have grief counseling years ago, as did many in her immediate family. They branched off from there with individual therapy and other ways of coping with their grieving experience. I know she now belongs to a specifically geared support group and it's been beneficial for her.
I know there are groups I could have joined for survivors of losing a loved one to cancer. I utilized individual therapy and family.
I also could have utilized in person support groups for dv survivors. But who would have watched my kids? I utilized individual counseling as well as prior to pc, online support.

I went to Alanon for a point in time...

I'm still looking for grief counselor myself.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by ohmydaisy

I'm currently in therapy for grief, if that's what you mean. I think it's definitely helpful but it depends on what you need I think. I'm currently trying to process my grief 2 years after losing my brother because I didn't process it at the time. For me, I've disassociated and relearning that feeling emotions is okay and how to deal with them in a healthy way. It's been frustrating because I don't see much of an improvement, I just feel crappy all the time but my T told me that it's going to feel worse and then get better.

It might be good to talk it out loud whether it's one on one or in a group. It sort of helps being around people that understand what you're going through, instead of getting the pity eyes from those that don't quite understand. It doesn't hurt to try and see if it works for you?

Great advice! It help to be around someone who been through it!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by CANDC

I have done grief support groups. They tend to focus more on coping skills but having others who are grieving helps feeling understood and empathized with.

I'm still looking for better coping skills. Any coping and will be great for me!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TerryL

i prefer one on one counseling. you might also consider hotlines or warmlines as you never know when the grief will hit. i hope you will be okay. take care.

I never thought about that! I didn't know about hotline for grief! Thank you for letting me know!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Keyplayer

Hi Guys ,

As many of you know I lost my parents and can not grieve there loss , I have Complicated Grief Syndrome .

I just took the "grief" test and scored a 52 , high for anyone suffering a loss.

I can only speak for me , one on one therapy has saved my life so far ,I did go to one group and all they did was talk about how bad they feel , I thought no kidding , so how to I get better ?

There were no answers , just stupid people wanting something.

There are days I am up and days I just want to go for the long ride , and say screw it.

If I were not in therapy , I probably would have taken that long ride , I still want to sometimes , but I remain.

Days are so lonely , and I am always thinking of things I should have said , things that might have saved my life when they were alive , but all that is gone now.

Having Complicated Grief Syndrome is hard enough , but when you toss in the dysphoria of me being trans , the anxiety and depression , I so often wonder why I am here , why me.

I am nothing special , I just try to help , sometimes I can`t do that .

Soon I wil not be able to do anything , and then there really is only one logical choice.

Just needed to write somewhere , I now , what a downer , yeh , that`s me.

Catch you guy`s later thanks for listening to me type : LOL

Keyplayer 

Well you have us! I'm sorry that you are struggling right now!

[luvyrself]

My aunt and my mother passed within 2 mos of each other. They both had Alzheimer’s to dif degrees. When trying to go to a nami mtg I stumbled across an outstanding grief class at Peace Lutheran church here in Peoria the west valley of Phoenix. This was a highly structured class with binders, reading assignments. The chaplain gave a lesson each time and it wasn’t religious. He recommended I take the class in feb. the lesson that night was about letting go if you feel guilt and it wasn’t yr fault. I was hardly able to communicate w my mom because of her ra and she was far away. Very, very exceptional class. Do consider it if you r in Phoenix. It may be possible to get the name of the materials if a group leader would contact the chaplain.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by luvyrself

My aunt and my mother passed within 2 mos of each other. They both had Alzheimer’s to dif degrees. When trying to go to a nami mtg I stumbled across an outstanding grief class at Peace Lutheran church here in Peoria the west valley of Phoenix. This was a highly structured class with binders, reading assignments. The chaplain gave a lesson each time and it wasn’t religious. He recommended I take the class in feb. the lesson that night was about letting go if you feel guilt and it wasn’t yr fault. I was hardly able to communicate w my mom because of her ra and she was far away. Very, very exceptional class. Do consider it if you r in Phoenix. It may be possible to get the name of the materials if a group leader would contact the chaplain.

That is great advice!

[zapatoes]

It’s tough dealing with grief, most definitely, my cousin passed in 2016 due to suicide, then my mom became ill a few years later, and she had surgery, got a little better, then a few months later my dad finds out he has terminal illness and passes away 1.5 years later, and less than 2 months after that his younger brother passes away.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by zapatoes

It’s tough dealing with grief, most definitely, my cousin passed in 2016 due to suicide, then my mom became ill a few years later, and she had surgery, got a little better, then a few months later my dad finds out he has terminal illness and passes away 1.5 years later, and less than 2 months after that his younger brother passes away.

Oh my so much loss - that must be rough for you. How are you coping with all this?

[zapatoes]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Oh my so much loss - that must be rough for you. How are you coping with all this?

It’s a process and some days are tough. It helps to stay busy with work. Today was a tough day and I didn’t sleep well and cried after work with grief seeming to just hit me out of nowhere. When it’s your immediate family member who has a terminal illness and passes away it just doesn’t seem real. I suppose everyone feels the same when this happens.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by zapatoes

It’s a process and some days are tough. It helps to stay busy with work. Today was a tough day and I didn’t sleep well and cried after work with grief seeming to just hit me out of nowhere. When it’s your immediate family member who has a terminal illness and passes away it just doesn’t seem real. I suppose everyone feels the same when this happens.

It is hard to express how hard it is to anyone that has not lost a close family member. I belong to a Grief and Loss Group IRL and it really is amazing to hear others talk about what they are going through. It really helps to not feel so alone.

[nonightowl]

Poe824, I tried two types of groups: Walk in, ongoing and fixed "closed" group.

Both had pros and cons.

I went to the walk-in or drop in group first through my health plan. It wasn't my first choice of where to go but I was desperate. I had lost a good friend suddenly, and months later my mom. I went to the group a few months.

The pros are that it's an ongoing group so it's good to know it's always there. What I got out of it mostly was being around others who experienced loss or multiple losses. The cons is that it was always way too large for the 80-90 minutes allotted. There was never fewer than 15 people in there; the largest it was was 25 people. So not everyone even got the chance to speak, including me.

So it didn't feel very "intimate" and the drop in nature didn't give me the stability I needed. But I did end up keeping in touch with a couple of people from it.

People dropping in and out was the hardest for me. I know it's the nature of the group, but it changes the dynamics when that happens. AND talking in front of a large group of people was scary.

***********

Months later (I think), I went to one at one of our local universities. The intake was much more thorough, as I did one on the phone AND one in person.

The group was much smaller, so it felt more supportive. But it just ran for 10 weeks. And maybe because it was free, not everyone came every week so that threw me off. I say "closed" cause once they have their group, that's their group. No one dropping in.

Also, they had us fill out a LOT of forms, both when signing up for the group and during the group's 10 weeks. One of them was keeping track of how you felt day to day, with rating your grief on a scale of 1 - 10 for both the highest/lowest points of the day. Then an "average".

This was hard, but it wasn't required. I did it, and I think it was to look for patterns.

I briefly kept in touch with two people from that group also, but they both abruptly stopped texting me. They might as well have poured salt into my wound.

I miss the supportiveness of the group, but I don't feel like doing another intake, filling out more forms, driving to taking the bus there, etc. It was all exhausting and took a lot out of me. I had to take a bus then a train to get to the university.

Groups can have people that make you upset or say inappropriate things. In the university group, one woman said to me to imagine how much worse I'd feel if I lost my dad too. Hello?? Not helpful and completely out of line to say such a thing. I'm glad she didn't come regularly and dropped out quite early.

So even if you're around others grieving, keep your guard up until you get to see how the dynamics of the other members are.

Recently I started writing things down again when I feel the need. I also keep telling myself that grief is not a linear process. You can go back to earlier "stages". There's no time table, and no "right" way to grieve.

It's okay to cry, and it's okay NOT to cry. It's okay if you're not sure how you feel or if you can't label it. I tell myself these things whenever I feel I wish I can label it. Also, there's physical symptoms like fatigue, insomnia, etc.

I don't have any other support in my life, as my emotionally unavailable stoic dad has made it clear he doesn't want to talk about mom, and my brother stopped speaking to me.

In a nutshell, if you decide to try a group, just keep expectations low and guard up until you get to know the group members and facilitator a bit. That's another thing-----you might like the members but not the leader. Or vice versa.

Also, I'd wait until you feel up to answering questions and filling out forms. Depending on where you go, you might do just a brief phone screening or an in-depth one in person. And it might be grueling and painful to answer the questions they ask, like if you live alone or do you have emotional support from family.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by zapatoes

It’s tough dealing with grief, most definitely, my cousin passed in 2016 due to suicide, then my mom became ill a few years later, and she had surgery, got a little better, then a few months later my dad finds out he has terminal illness and passes away 1.5 years later, and less than 2 months after that his younger brother passes away.

I lost my parent four month seven years apart and my tight brother in law three months after my mom to suicide

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by zapatoes

It’s a process and some days are tough. It helps to stay busy with work. Today was a tough day and I didn’t sleep well and cried after work with grief seeming to just hit me out of nowhere. When it’s your immediate family member who has a terminal illness and passes away it just doesn’t seem real. I suppose everyone feels the same when this happens.

Grief does that to a person. I have complicated grief!