[Mozette]

Last year, I lost my best friend; as she took her own life. She was a year younger than me, and we had known each other since we were 9 and 8 years old.

Over the past decade, our careers have taken off. She was a jazz singer in the UK, and I've been working the arts industry here in Australia. We have both really enjoyed our work - even though I don't get paid for mine and I'm on a pension.

But over the past 5 years, she has changed and been having problems with her balance and been getting tests for things she's told us were for big things. But almost a year after she died, we found out there wasn't anything wrong with her... and I remember she was incredibly vain (wearing make-up all the time, hated wearing her reading glasses, wearing clothes which were young for her and colouring her hair).

It's not yet been a year, and there's a huge gaping hole in my life still. I miss her so much. I've been having problems sleeping and I haven't written anything worthwhile since her death last May (and for me as a writer that's bad - seeing I've had writer's block before and worked through it).
But recently, I'm having a collection of bad days. No matter what I do, how fit I keep myself, how well I eat, nothing seems to be working.

Will the pain and agony of my best friend ease at some point?

[88Butterfly88]

I think it will get better in time but since you are having sleep problems and motivation issuses I would advise seeing a grief counseler. Also, welcome to Psych Central!

[Mozette]

Thank you 88Butterfly88... but I've been to one, and they keep telling me the same things the shrink does: to take one day at a time, and to take care of myself. Also, that I couldn't have done anything if I flew to the UK to talk to her or try to help her.

And I hate it I'm still feeling so raw about it all.

Originally Posted by Mozette

Last year, I lost my best friend; as she took her own life. She was a year younger than me, and we had known each other since we were 9 and 8 years old.

Over the past decade, our careers have taken off. She was a jazz singer in the UK, and I've been working the arts industry here in Australia. We have both really enjoyed our work - even though I don't get paid for mine and I'm on a pension.

But over the past 5 years, she has changed and been having problems with her balance and been getting tests for things she's told us were for big things. But almost a year after she died, we found out there wasn't anything wrong with her... and I remember she was incredibly vain (wearing make-up all the time, hated wearing her reading glasses, wearing clothes which were young for her and colouring her hair).

It's not yet been a year, and there's a huge gaping hole in my life still. I miss her so much. I've been having problems sleeping and I haven't written anything worthwhile since her death last May (and for me as a writer that's bad - seeing I've had writer's block before and worked through it).
But recently, I'm having a collection of bad days. No matter what I do, how fit I keep myself, how well I eat, nothing seems to be working.

Will the pain and agony of my best friend ease at some point?

I lost my best friend bethany in much the same way.

life for her wasn't going as she'd hoped it would, and just when she'd been accepted in something she wanted, she took her life on the way home from a night out with her friends (I suppose the positive change came a little too late for her)

this was years ago and every day I still talk about her, and I still see things that remind me of her

she was very special, and can not be replaced

I’m very sorry for your loss.

[Mozette]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It's never easy to talk about the grief - the emptiness - their passing leaves behind, is it?

During our last conversation last year - in late April - she asked me to do something for her; of course I said 'Anything.' She told me to live life to the fullest - better than how I am now. She could see more for me than I was putting into my life; something I couldn't see.
Within the week, she was gone.
So, for the past 11 months, I've been decluttering my house in a huge way, I've organised an annual day called 'Vintage Clothing Day' (held on June 5th - the day she was laid to rest, because the ME doesn't know exactly when she died, as she was found a few days after she went missing). And I'm now saving up my money to buy a trailer tent to go traveling and paint and photograph places I've always wanted to go to.

These are places she planned to go to when she hoped to travel here in Australia, but never got the chance to come here. So, I'm going to do the traveling, photography, and blogging for her. I'm also going to paint these places in such a way that people will want to see them - as I'm a landscape oil painter - and this is what I've wanted to do with my life. It may not seem like much, but to me it's fun. While I'm away painting, I'll also be writing a book too.

I can't replace my friend - but I am fulfilling what she asked me to do last year; it's just going to take some time.

Originally Posted by Mozette

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It's never easy to talk about the grief - the emptiness - their passing leaves behind, is it?

During our last conversation last year - in late April - she asked me to do something for her; of course I said 'Anything.' She told me to live life to the fullest - better than how I am now. She could see more for me than I was putting into my life; something I couldn't see.
Within the week, she was gone.
So, for the past 11 months, I've been decluttering my house in a huge way, I've organised an annual day called 'Vintage Clothing Day' (held on June 5th - the day she was laid to rest, because the ME doesn't know exactly when she died, as she was found a few days after she went missing). And I'm now saving up my money to buy a trailer tent to go traveling and paint and photograph places I've always wanted to go to.

These are places she planned to go to when she hoped to travel here in Australia, but never got the chance to come here. So, I'm going to do the traveling, photography, and blogging for her. I'm also going to paint these places in such a way that people will want to see them - as I'm a landscape oil painter - and this is what I've wanted to do with my life. It may not seem like much, but to me it's fun. While I'm away painting, I'll also be writing a book too.

I can't replace my friend - but I am fulfilling what she asked me to do last year; it's just going to take some time.

what a great way to honour your friend

I love the idea of vintage clothing day, too

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mozette

Last year, I lost my best friend; as she took her own life. She was a year younger than me, and we had known each other since we were 9 and 8 years old.

Over the past decade, our careers have taken off. She was a jazz singer in the UK, and I've been working the arts industry here in Australia. We have both really enjoyed our work - even though I don't get paid for mine and I'm on a pension.

But over the past 5 years, she has changed and been having problems with her balance and been getting tests for things she's told us were for big things. But almost a year after she died, we found out there wasn't anything wrong with her... and I remember she was incredibly vain (wearing make-up all the time, hated wearing her reading glasses, wearing clothes which were young for her and colouring her hair).

It's not yet been a year, and there's a huge gaping hole in my life still. I miss her so much. I've been having problems sleeping and I haven't written anything worthwhile since her death last May (and for me as a writer that's bad - seeing I've had writer's block before and worked through it).
But recently, I'm having a collection of bad days. No matter what I do, how fit I keep myself, how well I eat, nothing seems to be working.

Will the pain and agony of my best friend ease at some point?

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now! I completely understand how you feel!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

I think it will get better in time but since you are having sleep problems and motivation issuses I would advise seeing a grief counseler. Also, welcome to Psych Central!

Great advice! I wish that I had thought about that!

[Travelinglady]

It does gradually get better......