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Member
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Georgia
Posts: 178
4 14 hugs
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#1
I’m going through a loss. My mom’s best friend passed away suddenly on June 29. She was the one that my sister and I always called our second mom. She had cancer but nobody knew except for her husband. Her siblings and nieces and nephews had no idea how ill she was. My mom had no clue either. It came as a shock for her family, our family and our whole community of friends. I still remember the day that she passed away. I was at work and an old friend texted me on my WhatsApp how are you doing have you heard the sad news. I was on break when I read that message and then I saw a message from my sister asking me if I knew what was wrong with our second mom. I was confused and freaking out. I left work to go to my second parent’s house and when I found out that she passed away I regretted that I couldn’t have another hug from her. Because just two weeks before she passed away, my husband emailed me on Father’s Day telling me that he wanted a divorce. So I definitely was going through a roller coaster of emotions. I was confused and hurt about why I wasted two years of my life on this person who didn’t even care about me. My second mom understood that because she knew that I deserved to be treated with love and respect. My second mom knew that I also deserved to be loved unconditionally.
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88Butterfly88, Anonymous46341, CANDC, KD1980, zapatoes
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CANDC, Skeezyks
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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#2
Thanks for sharing this. My condolences on your loss. Here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of healing from grief & loss plus 1 on the subject of finding joy even when life feels awful:
Coping with Grief | Psych Central Thoughts on Memories, Grief and Loss Healthy Ways to Navigate Your Grief Grieving as a Path to Connection and Meaning: A New Perspective | Healing Together for Couples How to Find Joy… Even When Life Is Feeling Awful My best wishes to you... __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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SouthernDesiGirl
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Member
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Georgia
Posts: 178
4 14 hugs
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#3
You’re Welcome. Thanks for the heartfelt condolences and the best wishes! Thanks for the links as well. I will check them out when I get a chance. Just went to the library today to find some books and picked up a couple of books on grief, death, divorce, and how to survive getting a divorce.
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
Chat Leader Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,534
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#4
Quote:
Support groups helped me realize it was okay to grieve and that despite what others said it took time. I wrote a lot of letters saying things I wish I could have or would have said. I got the feeling there was no blame. Somehow I started to find new interests to replace the parts of my life that dissolved. Feel free to respond or send a personal message. __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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Moderator
Community Support Team Member Since Dec 2015
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 54,241
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#5
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Member
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Georgia
Posts: 178
4 14 hugs
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#6
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88Butterfly88
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88Butterfly88
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Member
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Georgia
Posts: 178
4 14 hugs
given |
#7
Thanks for the wonderful welcome CANDC! I really liked how sweet your post was. Thanks for your condolences. Thanks for letting me know that if I ever needed a friend I could personally message you. If I do have a bad day soon I know that I might message you personally. haven’t been on the website for a few days because I got busy with work and also got busy writing posts on my blog. Also been patiently waiting to hear back from my lawyer so I can sign the paperwork that he made to file for divorce.
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CANDC
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CANDC
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
Chat Leader Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,534
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10 2,328 hugs
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#8
You are welcome DesiGirl. It sounds like you are moving in the direction of closure. Before you sign anything for the divorce settlement or custody if you have children, make sure you understand it so there are no surprises later.
If you do get a cash settlement that is the best time to set up an emergency fund of 6-24 months so if you ever have a period where you cannot work you can still pay the bills. You might ask the lawyer if part of the settlement could be a provision for counseling by a therapist to help you deal with the shock of the divorce. You could also process your feelings about other losses in your life. Take care. __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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