[Deilla]

I feel bad for my daughter. I'm not really sure how she's doing. She will only text me. But I told her that if she wanted to talk, I was here for her. I really hope she is Okay.

She told me he passed away in his sleep. He's about my age. I am shocked. My ex and I didn't get along. He really hurt me. So much so that I've had nightmares about it most of my life. Part of me is sad for me. Now things will never be resolved. I've always hoped he would give me an apology. That is not possible now.

And part of me is relieved. He can never hurt me again.

[zapatoes]

Sorry to hear this Delilah.

[Mountaindewed]

Sorry Deilla. I’m here to talk if you need someone.

[Deilla]

Thank you! I appreciate the support. I'm not really sure how to support my daughter. I guess just check in with her in a couple of days.

[eskielover]

Conflicting emotions are always difficult to deal with....my daughter will only text too....know what you mean about not really knowing how she is

[happysobercrafter]

Honey, I am so sorry to hear this! I send you warm healing hugs! xoxox

[Yzen]

Sorry Delilah. So sorry he never apologized to help resolve things for you. At this point, you can only give yourself the closure you need. Sending hugs to you and your daughter.

[Deilla]

Thank you! I slept well last night. I was afraid I would have nightmares but everything was Okay. You're right, Yzen, I can give myself closure.

[Deilla]

I'm not feeling well about things right now. I never did get a chance to fully forgive him. To me, forgiving him would have meant seeing him again and smiling at him as though everything was Okay. I'll never see him again. My daughter says they will do a celebration of life. I think that is nice. I do have some good memories of him. I have one that keeps playing over and over in my mind. I don't understand it. He hurt me so bad. Part of me wishes I could be at the celebration. I would be respectful. He deserves to rest in peace. I deserve peace too.

[eskielover]

Just remember, forgiveness is in our own heart & the other person doesn't have to be alive for that to happen.

I was very angry at my mom for the trauma she put me through the last 2 months of her life. I didn't forgive her for that until AFTER she died. The forgiveness was about ME letting go of the hurt & PTSD she had caused me. Something you still can do for yourself

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by Deilla

I'm not feeling well about things right now. I never did get a chance to fully forgive him. To me, forgiving him would have meant seeing him again and smiling at him as though everything was Okay. I'll never see him again. My daughter says they will do a celebration of life. I think that is nice. I do have some good memories of him. I have one that keeps playing over and over in my mind. I don't understand it. He hurt me so bad. Part of me wishes I could be at the celebration. I would be respectful. He deserves to rest in peace. I deserve peace too.

You do deserve peace also. I guess we cannot get peace from outside because I have never found it out there. I came upon this youtube video about gratitude and it brought me to tears upon listening to it. I think there is always something to be grateful for. With my partner it can be for the good times we shared or special moments we had where things were calm. Here is the link if you care to listen

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by CANDC

You do deserve peace also. I guess we cannot get peace from outside because I have never found it out there. I came upon this youtube video about gratitude and it brought me to tears upon listening to it. I think there is always something to be grateful for. With my partner it can be for the good times we shared or special moments we had where things were calm. Here is the link if you care to listen

Thank you! I love the video. Thanks for sharing. I've been working on peace and happiness from within. So I see what you're saying.

[RoxanneToto]

I’m so sorry, Deilla! I agree that a person doesn’t have to be alive for one to get closure regarding their behaviour. Also, I’d say, you know what he’s done to you, even if he would never admit it and say sorry - you might never have got an apology, genuine or not, but you know the truth and that’s worth more sometimes.

[Travelinglady]

So sorry for your and your daughter's suffering. The other folks have given good advice. I'm sure you did the best you could to survive (and thrive) while he was alive.

[CalMSW]

It's hard to grieve someone who has hurt you many times. When my mother-in-law passed away, I found out I had resentment. I had to learn to forgive myself for not letting go of resentment while she was alive.