5 stages of grief? how long can it be?

nonightowl · Feb 08, 2020 at 02:51 PM

Like others say, there is no time frame. And the 5 stages are not linear, which I think most people believe.... You can go through the stages in any order, during the course of one day or even within one HOUR.

Or someone can say something that brings it all back, or you see something/someone that reminds you of the person or people you lost.

I've lost a lot of people in just a few years, and I still grieve my aunt I lost in 2002. To me, grief doesn't go away or I don't "get over it". It just gets less raw or painful as time goes by. Time is the key...LOTS of it for me. Not months but years and years.

But each person is different too. And some people cry, some don't. I tell myself daily there's no "right" way to feel and it's okay if I don't feel anything at all. And that I'm not crazy.

I'd be there for your friend, but avoid platitudes like "You'll get over this" or "You seem stronger today" or "You're strong and this will make you stronger". Comments like that are minimizing what someone is going through. I think American culture has a denial about death, and people just want one to "get over it".

Starkfull · Feb 12, 2020 at 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonightowl

Like others say, there is no time frame. And the 5 stages are not linear, which I think most people believe.... You can go through the stages in any order, during the course of one day or even within one HOUR.

Or someone can say something that brings it all back, or you see something/someone that reminds you of the person or people you lost.

I've lost a lot of people in just a few years, and I still grieve my aunt I lost in 2002. To me, grief doesn't go away or I don't "get over it". It just gets less raw or painful as time goes by. Time is the key...LOTS of it for me. Not months but years and years.

But each person is different too. And some people cry, some don't. I tell myself daily there's no "right" way to feel and it's okay if I don't feel anything at all. And that I'm not crazy.

I'd be there for your friend, but avoid platitudes like "You'll get over this" or "You seem stronger today" or "You're strong and this will make you stronger". Comments like that are minimizing what someone is going through. I think American culture has a denial about death, and people just want one to "get over it".

my friend is not american.
but yeah thanks for the tips.

nonightowl · Feb 20, 2020 at 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Starkfull

my friend is not american.
but yeah thanks for the tips.

I envy him not being American. Our culture is such a "worker bee" culture, and there is no law requiring employers to give time off for bereavement. If they give it at all, it might just be a couple of days..which isn't enough to fly out of state and back if one has to do that.

And if they do offer it, they limit it to specific relationships. Like maybe parents but not an aunt/uncle. Loss is loss.

And on leave, no paid leave for time off for taking care of a newborn, an ill parent, etc. It's like life doesn't exist outside of your job. Your life IS your job.

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5 stages of grief? how long can it be?

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