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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,435
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#1
Ten months ago my significant other died from cancer. We had been a couple for a long time. For 3 months, I experienced bouts of horrible grief. I was wishing I had never been born. It was way worse than I had expected. In time, though, I recovered from that severe sense of pain. I even did very well over the 2020 holiday season.
Since January, I've not done so well as I had been doing the 4 previous months. It's just getting worse. I live alone and I hardly leave my apartment now. I have two friends I could meet up with, but I have little desire to visit with anyone. My family, who live far from me, call a lot and encourage me to visit them. I may do that, after I get my second COVID vaccine shot. I don't really look forward to traveling and visiting. I don't feel real sorrowful all the time, but I have little interest in doing anything. My apartment is messy. I let dishes pile up and clean the kitchen maybe every third day. I put off even opening my mail. I put off doing everything and anything. I just watch TV and read. It's like nothing matters to me. I know this is a form of depression. I don't feel all that despondent. I just seem to not believe I have anything to look forward to. I try to argue myself out of that - like they tell you to do in dialectical cognitive training. I tell myself that life will surely bring some good things that I can't even now imagine. I just don't believe it. Having someone to love and be close to is the greatest joy there is. Many people manage to survive without that. But I don't think many find much joy in a solitary life. I don't even get dressed, until about 4 in the afternoon. I know having a daily routine would be healthier. I just can't seem to make myself. I really thought that I would handle being alone better than I am doing. I now this is too soon to be fully recovered from my loss. But I'm just getting worse from one day to the next. I wish I could drum up a bit of hope that the future can be worth living. Deep down I just don't believe it. |
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CANDC, Discombobulated, Gasplessy, rechu, RoxanneToto
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
Chat Leader Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,415
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#2
Hi @Rose76 - welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry for your loss and the darkness that overshadows your days.
Letting go is not easy. When I lost my dad I could not even think straight. I had to change how I was looking at our relationship. Rather than grieving what was lost, I had to start being grateful for what we had. It was not easy to change gears. I had to reinvent myself. I had to create or discover a new purpose in life. For me volunteering helped me get a grip on things that were slipping away. I guess the youtube exercises and eating a healthy diet helped because my energy level slowly rose. Hope you find the support you are looking for. @CANDC __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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RoxanneToto, zapatoes
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Rose76, RoxanneToto
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,435
(SuperPoster!)
13 5,343 hugs
given |
#3
CANDC - that's great that you were able to "reinvent" yourself and substitute gratitude "rather than grieving."
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zapatoes
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CANDC
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
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#4
I like your approach, CANDC!
I’m sorry you’re going through this, Rose76, please be kind to yourself though - take baby steps in the direction you want to go, don’t beat yourself up if you slip up, either, just keep trying. Grieving isn’t a linear process - it’s highly individual and is different each time we go through it. |
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zapatoes
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CANDC, Rose76
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
Chat Leader Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,415
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#5
Quote:
It wasn't as easy or quick as it sounds when I say it now. I had to let go of some ingrained expectations and hopes about how our relationship as father and son would be. I think we were very different people with different life experiences. It was not easy to say it is never going to change. It was very painful but reinventing my life was a way out of the pain. @CANDC __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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TerryL, zapatoes
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Rose76
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,435
(SuperPoster!)
13 5,343 hugs
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#6
Quote:
It sounds like you had a troubled relationship with your father. So he died, and then you worked out a new kind of relationship with him? That's a little strange sounding. But you realized "it is never going to change." You seem to be stringing words together, without figuring out what you are actually trying to say. I'm glad you seem to feel you got to a better place. |
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zapatoes
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,435
(SuperPoster!)
13 5,343 hugs
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#7
CANDC - thanks for welcoming me, though I've been a member here longer than you've been.
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zapatoes
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: usa
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#8
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__________________ "Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight"~Albert Schweitzer |
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Rose76
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Member
Member Since Oct 2016
Location: Europe
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#9
Big hug
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Rose76
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Rose76
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