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Old 01-08-2021, 02:08 PM   #1
prettymccute
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Default Coming up on my son's birthday

It's coming up on my son's birthday. He died almost twelve years ago, right before Easter. It's bothering me so much lately that no one talks about him, or even seems to remember him. I feel like I am the only one who mourns him. I suppose his father might, but we were divorced most of my son's childhood, so I'm not exactly sure how a divorced father would feel, compared with a mom that raised a son to the age of a young man and then he died. He was 27.

I feel like our family history was stolen from us. I look back on pictures, and he's in the middle of everything. He's right there, in all of the memories of our family's past. My remaining sons lost their brother. We were a happy bunch. Now I feel very alone in grieving him. I'm so sad that he's not here. I feel like it shouldn't bother me so much, but I think I will be sad about Tyson being gone until the day I am myself.
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Old 01-09-2021, 02:05 AM   #2
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Default Re: Coming up on my son's birthday

Dear prettymccute,

How utterly tragic and heartbreaking! I don't know if I could handle the loss of a child especially one I raised for so many, many years. My heart just goes out to you. I wish I knew what to say that would be helpful but I feel that anything I could say would be trivial and empty compared to the loss you suffered and are still suffering. What a life changing and tragic, tragic situation! Please forgive my poverty of expression. My deepest condolences to you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Old 01-09-2021, 08:57 PM   #3
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Default Re: Coming up on my son's birthday

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I am equally as sorry that no one gives you support for your grief. I can slightly relate...I lost my 3rd pregnancy during the 4th month 15 years ago. The baby was due on Christmas. The loss was horribly traumatic for me; it took years to (mostly) become normal again. Not a single person has ever mentioned the loss. Never. It hurts like hell. I withdraw from loved ones because how could they forget something that meant so much in my life?

But for a loss like yours, losing a son at the age of 27...all I can say is that my heart goes out to you, and shame on those who never mention your child.
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Old 01-14-2021, 12:09 PM   #4
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Default Re: Coming up on my son's birthday

Thank you both for what you said. I hate when I think of him. He was and always will be my baby. I don't care if he was an adult. I've told my other boys since then that they are my babies. I don't think a mom ever sees them any different.

He was a good person. He loved me very much, and I love him.

I used to text him, even after he was gone. Silly, I guess, but I felt like I was reaching him the air waves maybe.

The last time that I texted him I said, "Tyson, it's snowing" When he was growing up, we got a lot of snow. I moved, and we get very little here.

The last time I did that, I sat with my phone in my hand, missing him. I almost fell of my chair when I got a text back.

It said "This isn't Tyson, but enjoy your snow."

It seemed funny at the time, but now I can't do the little thing I enjoyed.

I planted a tree for him on Earth Day. It felt like "My Place" to be with him, as I don't live where he is buried. Now I've moved from that home. I wanted to bring the tree, but it was horribly expensive.

I had a therapist that told me I was grieving too much. I didn't go back to her.

I suppose this all has no point, except that I feel so darn bad about Ty. I really REALLY miss him.

I thank everyone that reads this. I'm sorry to run on. I wish I knew how to feel better. I just can't. I lost someone else as well. I took care of a partner that died of a brain tumor. We went through the whole process of her finding out about it, of trying to save her life, of driving to chemo treatments, her being told she was going to die, hospice, and a funeral. We tried so hard, and we couldn't make anything better. Tyson dying was the most horrible thing that happened to me. Her death was the most horrible thing I was involved in.

It all stinks.
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Old 01-14-2021, 08:42 PM   #5
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Default Re: Coming up on my son's birthday

@prettymccute I am sorry for the losses you feel so intensely. It is not easy dealing with losses.

When I lost my dad, I lost parts of myself and I had to reinvent who I thought I was.

Take as long as you need to grieve, but also consider ways that you might go on with life.

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Old Yesterday, 02:46 PM   #6
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Default Re: Coming up on my son's birthday

Quote:
Originally Posted by CANDC View Post
@prettymccute I am sorry for the losses you feel so intensely. It is not easy dealing with losses.

When I lost my dad, I lost parts of myself and I had to reinvent who I thought I was.

Take as long as you need to grieve, but also consider ways that you might go on with life.

@CANDC
I'm very sorry to hear you have a difficult time dealing with the grief over losing Tyson. I hope you're able to celebrate the sons who are alive and their families. My mother-in-law held onto grief. At every major holiday, she wanted us to be with her, but at every holiday, she wouldn't allow herself to enjoy these days. We felt like we weren't able to enjoy these days either, because she would mourn the deaths of various family members such as all of my husband's and brother-in-law's siblings, her aunt, her husband, and her mother-in-law. After the death of her only child, she held onto grief. Professionals told her she had major depression, but she wouldn't see a psychiatrist or a therapist for it. I'm sorry she died, but I'm relieved we don't have to go through major holidays like that again.
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