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Trig Mar 19, 2022 at 07:01 PM
  #1
How Long Should It Take to Grieve? Psychiatry Has Come Up With an Answer.

I'm putting a caution here, because I am worried that this thread will upset some people. However, I think the benefits of publishing it here outweigh the risks. Indeed, some people ruin their lives by grieving too long, and they need to know they need help.

I'm so sorry for all your losses.
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Default Mar 20, 2022 at 03:08 PM
  #2
Yes! Grief can take a toll on one physical & mental health.

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Default Mar 20, 2022 at 03:12 PM
  #3
Thanks for the link to this interesting article. It seems as though this is all about people who are grieving someone who died. But there are other reasons for long-term grief as well. I feel as though I've been grieving for over 4 decades. It's my own fault. I stupidly caused the problem to begin with. (Too late to do anything about any of it now.) And I really never did anything to try to resolve it. But then realistically for much of that time there weren't mental health services available that would have been of help either. So now to the greatest extent possible, and in my own way, I'm one of those long-term grievers who have permanently withdrawn from society. And, yes, I wear a lot of black.

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Default Mar 20, 2022 at 04:27 PM
  #4
I grieved for 13 years once. It was a hard time.
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Default Mar 20, 2022 at 05:22 PM
  #5
I have grieved for 6 years for my dad. But by focusing on new things in my life the amount of time I spend grieving is less now.

But I grieve for the people dying in wars and starving from lack of food. I grieve for all that suffer and only by trying to help in some way do I feel some relief from that grieving.

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Default Mar 20, 2022 at 06:39 PM
  #6
There is no time limit on grieving but I’ve heard from a therapist years ago that if grief makes a person unable to properly function for more than a year, then time to seek more serious help and it’s becoming a real issue.
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Default Mar 21, 2022 at 02:22 PM
  #7
i still grieve for my girl furbaby Ebony, 4 years and counting

tbh i dont need anyone telling me i'm a scum for her passing away, i should of died instead of my angel

i'd swap places with her in a heartbeat if i could, she deserved better than what happened to her

i'm not upset at you, travvelling, just saying
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Default Mar 21, 2022 at 08:01 PM
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I understand loosing a furbaby is painful Can someone grieve too long for their mental health?, I had a white cat that was 18 years old. I had her since a kitten and I do cry some tears when I think of her. She has been gone over 7 years! I miss her we were so bonded. She’s now in heaven waiting for me. Can someone grieve too long for their mental health?

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Default Mar 22, 2022 at 01:02 AM
  #9
I'm 67 years old, so I have lost a number of people and animals over the years. I still think of my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, and many animals I have lost. I miss many of them so much, but my life must go on. I don't think any of them would want me to grieve so much I'd rather I be dead or withdraw from my own life. In part, I live for them, for the goals they had for me, as well as my own.

I know when I die, I want any people left who cared for me to go on with their lives.

As I said, I'm sorry if anyone is offended, since this topic is a sensitive one.

And yes, Skeez, we can have losses other than death and grieve about them, too. I know how that is as well. I'm so sorry for what happened to you.
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Default Mar 22, 2022 at 01:59 AM
  #10
There are many kinds of grief because there are many kinds of loss. There is no time limit on grief. It takes as long as it takes.

I agree that if it affects a person to the extent that they can't function properly anymore, then they might need help, but it is definitely wrong to pathologise what is a normal reaction to loss, as a mental illness.

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Default Mar 22, 2022 at 09:15 PM
  #11
And everyone grieves differently. Some people cry their eyes out immediately and others postpone grief until they can process it, like in a time of war or danger. There is part of our survival mechanism that allows us to prioritize our emotions with urgent needs.

For me, gratitude helps to overcome guilt and the feeling of senseless loss. I commemorate their lives by recounting all they taught me and how they helped me.

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Default Mar 28, 2022 at 01:07 PM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Travelinglady View Post
How Long Should It Take to Grieve? Psychiatry Has Come Up With an Answer.

I'm putting a caution here, because I am worried that this thread will upset some people. However, I think the benefits of publishing it here outweigh the risks. Indeed, some people ruin their lives by grieving too long, and they need to know they need help.

I'm so sorry for all your losses. :sadhug:
Absolutely. Especially if the individual has complicate grief

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Mar 28, 2022 at 02:44 PM
  #13
Please forgive me for being stupid, does survivors guilt cause greif to become something in need of being counted as a psychological problem thing?
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Default Mar 28, 2022 at 06:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by willowtigger View Post
Please forgive me for being stupid, does survivors guilt cause greif to become something in need of being counted as a psychological problem thing?

Survivors Guilt
Quote:
is a particular kind of guilt that develops in people who have survived a life-threatening situation. Some survivors feel guilty that they survived when others died. Others believe they could have done more to save the lives of others. And then there are those who feel guilty that another person died saving them.

While survivor's guilt was originally used to describe feelings that survivors of the Holocaust experienced, it has also been applied to a number of life-threatening situations, including car accidents, wars, and natural disasters.

Survivor's guilt is also common in those who have survived medical traumas. For instance, those who lived through the AIDS epidemic have described feelings of guilt related to their own survival while others, including friends or family, died.1 Some cancer survivors also experience this guilt if they survive a diagnosis but others don't.
I think any type of grief that disrupts life or causes us to be unable to function is in the area of mental health.

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Default Apr 07, 2022 at 09:38 AM
  #15
I think its gonna depend on your beliefs and mental health or disabilities at the time of the death.


I am autistic and dissociative and was a teen (though emotionally much younger) when my mother died.


I didn't understand the concept of death and couldn't imagine 'the other side' or where she was going or why she had to go.


She asked me to promise I'd never forget her and that her spirit would always be with me, now I think very literally, even more so back then.


I would often go and talk to people in my own room who no-one else could see and so I just recreated her in my own inner world, it was as simple as that for me at the time, then I could carry on life doing as she said she'd wanted me to do. (probably because I had no concept of what death was before it happened).



I didn't learn about dissociation or Tulpa's/alters for many more years until I was in my 40's by which time she was well and truly established as an alter within my system.


I found it comforting but was very aware that others would not see it as 'normal' and would try and make her go away (maybe via medication or something) and I'd promised I'd never forget her so I just never told anyone! ..she became my 'secret twin' because of course as mother and daughter we would look alike at the same ages.


I have passed the age she died at by several years now, but I know when I look in a mirror we'd look very similar (at this age, though in reality she would have been in her 70's by now if she was still here) ..so now her only being a spirit within me seems an advantage as ...had she been alive we would have possibly been separated by the pandemic if she had been in a care home or something, or she had got the covid from me or another family member bringing it home.

With regard to animals/pets...my belief is... because their lives are not as long as ours they are able to return to us as another dog/cat etc..as in the film 'A Dog's Purpose'. Both of my dogs have been with me before and will possibly be again (depending how long my life is).


I also believe in soul bonds and that the people we have in our lives are people who were also in our past lives as loved ones and will find us again in the future. I see that as no different to a Catholic believing in God or an Indian-Asian person believing cows are sacred for religious reasons. (no-one tells them they are mad or delusional and need therapy to rid them of these beliefs!) These thoughts are respected as 'their religion' which is not wrong just because they maybe different to your own! I mention this because 'death' is viewed differently in different religions so is relevant.


Reincarnation for me is very tightly entwined with the beliefs my mother told me about (even though I didn't understand them at the time I remember and honour them).

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Default Apr 07, 2022 at 11:35 AM
  #16
I am very grateful for what people in my life like parents taught me about life and what was to come later on. My sister talks to departed relatives but I do not find it comforting. I express my thanks and remind myself of good times we had, and I pray that they may be free of suffering and know happiness.

I think online contacts do help fulfill a need to reach out to people.

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Default Apr 10, 2022 at 10:11 AM
  #17
I been grieving for over three decades over my best friend.

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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