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Noninde
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 12:16 AM
  #1
When he first died, I was grieving he was gone. I was also grieving, knowing that in a few months I wouldn't remember him.

It started slowly at first that I couldn't figure out why he wasn't there. I didn't know where he was.

Now, I can't remember his face. I can't pull up those feelings of joy or utter falling madly in love every time I saw him, took care of him, spent hours with him. I don't remember the routine I had with him 24/7. I don't remember who I was with him.

Possible trigger:


It's been four months.
I hate this, I hate me.
I wish I knew why my brain was like this.
I don't know what's wrong with me; my therapist, my doctor, other doctors, no one knows. No one much cares.

And I don't know if I've lost those memories forever. I knew they existed, but it's like someone telling you a fact that you accept because it's logical, rather than you /really/ understanding.

I can barely recognize his face or put him in context if I look at a picture.

Grief is hard enough as it is.
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 01:34 AM
  #2
Dear Noninde,

Such a heartbreaking situation. So very, very sorry it is happening to you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 10:22 AM
  #3
@Noninde -welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am so sorry for the loss of your loved one. That must be rough.

I experienced some loss of the memories of difficult times I had with my dad after he passed. These articles may be of interest in showing that memory loss is a natural thing after traumas.

Good Grief: 4 Profound Affects of Grief On Your Brain | Simple Smart Science

How the Brain Hides Traumatic Memories | Northwestern Medicine

5 Gentle Ways to Stop Grieving and Start Letting Go

Trauma and Memory Loss - How Trauma Affects the Brain and Memory

Hope you get the support you are looking for. @CANDC

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Que Sera Sera
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 10:31 AM
  #4
ohh sweety, i am soooo sorry... my heart just aches for you ......
1 month from today it will be 2 yrs ago that i lost my hubby .i appreciate that we all grieve in different ways but i feel i can pretty much relate to what all you must be going thru right now because ive been through it too.
you havent forgotten anything about him ... it only seems that way right now because your mind is in overload & has temporarily surpressed a ton of things in order to let you process things in smaller bits & at a slower pace is all.
breathe in, breathe out, take each minute as it comes & know im a shout away if you need me
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Noninde
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Default Mar 10, 2021 at 04:56 PM
  #5
Thanks everyone.

But it's most likely not trauma induced memory loss though.

It's been going on for far longer than that, with routine everyday things, conversations, big events, faces, everything.

I have an undiagnosed neurological or physical ailment that has been causing it for half a decade - thus the not knowing if the memories are permanently gone or not.
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