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Default Oct 25, 2021 at 05:42 PM
  #1
For the last year, my grandma has had more health challenges. She was put on end of life care. It's hard for me to see my mom, go through the emotions of losing her mom. Not to mention, my own health on top of this, with work stress and injury.

I knew she was going to die after I saw her in July, and it would be the last time. She lives at least 700 miles away. And I have doctor appointments to be to, and work to figure out.

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Default Oct 25, 2021 at 05:54 PM
  #2
I’m so sorry, this must be really hard for both of you, especially when one or both of you can’t be there in person. Sometimes it’s just unavoidable.
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Default Oct 26, 2021 at 11:52 AM
  #3
This is hard. My father has been in hospice for over a year, and he is 500 miles away. Fortunately, my sister is in the same town as he is, and she sees him every day. We set up phone calls so that she can help him "hear" what we are talking about (he's rather deaf). We also have occasional family Zoom meetings on special days such as birthdays and holidays.

I go down there when I have extra days off such as my upcoming Thanksgiving break and Christmas break (helps to be a teacher with lengthier holiday breaks).
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Default Oct 26, 2021 at 12:16 PM
  #4
I'm so sorry puzzclar and ArtleyWilkins. I hope that you are able to find comfort and good quality time with your loved ones. This must be a really tough time. I don't know what to say, but I hope that you two are able to find comfort during this time.

Although I grew up in an abusive home with an abusive father, I still struggle with my father's death - over two decades. It's not easy, but time and support help. Leading up to his death were telltale signs like him being in a wheelchair and on oxygen supply for the last year of his life. I was only 18 years old at the time of his death. I didn't have much support back then, and they didn't have the World Wide Web yet, so I did the best I could to deal with that final year. It's hard to watch someone you love hurting so much, and even harder when they are gone.

The one thing that got me through those times were my friends back then, and spending as much time with my dad as possible. I worked and went to school, but I did my best to talk with my dad. I lived with him, so it was easier than being long-distance. But I've also lost loved ones who lived far away. Sadly, my dysfunctional family doesn't give me the news until long after the funeral (i.e., I never get invited to funerals or good-byes). But I do hold onto what good I can do. That's all we can do is to hold onto the good.
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Default Oct 26, 2021 at 11:00 PM
  #5
And 3.5 hours ago, she's gone. There's too much to do. I'm trying to not let certain thoughts over take me.

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Heart Oct 26, 2021 at 11:04 PM
  #6
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And 3.5 hours ago, she's gone. There's too much to do. I'm trying to not let certain thoughts over take me.

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I am so sorry for your loss (and retraumatization), puzzclar. Grief is different for everyone. There's no right or wrong way to grieve. I hope you have comforting friends and loved ones to support you. I hope your family is comforting and supportive, too.
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Default Oct 27, 2021 at 09:14 AM
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And 3.5 hours ago, she's gone. There's too much to do. I'm trying to not let certain thoughts over take me.

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This is a difficult time. Much to take care of. Take it a day at a time. The feelings of sadness will come and go, and that is completely normal. Remember to take care of you. Grieving is a process and I've learned to just let it be whatever it is in the moment.
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Default Oct 27, 2021 at 09:19 AM
  #8
Shower, that's was hard. I'm down to one useable hand

Breakfast, don't want to. I know it's important, I'll work on that.

Need to call therapist, yet don't want to work around my hand. The injured hand had 2 steroid injections and, it's unusable. Which makes things 10x harder. Not to mention the pain.

Have pdoc appointment in 40 minutes.

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Default Oct 27, 2021 at 11:25 AM
  #9
Pdoc didn't do a thing. He didn't want side effects and didn't increase or change, anything. I feel hopeless. I can't do much without physical pain. I cried for 40 minutes.

Scared to call t, in crisis, as he might send people. I don't want that again. 4 cops! No, never again!

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Heart Oct 27, 2021 at 01:42 PM
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Pdoc didn't do a thing. He didn't want side effects and didn't increase or change, anything. I feel hopeless. I can't do much without physical pain. I cried for 40 minutes.

Scared to call t, in crisis, as he might send people. I don't want that again. 4 cops! No, never again!

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Your t should be more understanding, and shame on whatever policy sends 4 cops for a crisis situation (unless, of course, you state that you do have weapons in the home, such as firearms; they are more strict about that for everyone's safety).

To avoid the 4-cops situation, you can check yourself in voluntarily by calling trauma treatment centers or other facilities ahead of time. They will help. Also, the crisis team from the national crisis line might also be able to help. Have you tried that?
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Default Oct 27, 2021 at 03:26 PM
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I ended up calling. Long story short. Some care ended with no written warning.

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Heart Oct 27, 2021 at 05:50 PM
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I ended up calling. Long story short. Some care ended with no written warning.

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I'm glad you are seeking care, puzzclar. I call the veterans crisis line (which is the same number as the national suicide prevention line) just to help me through my pre-crisis moments (you don't need to be suicidal to call; you can simply call when you are having suicidal ideation or when you are in crisis and want to prevent suicidal ideation and attempts). Last year, I called them nearly every day - sometimes twice in one day. They really helped, even though at the time nothing seemed to help.

I also reached out locally to friends online, to old friends far away, to anyone who could help - even though nothing seemed to help. At least I bought myself time spending time seeking help. It's exhausting enough to help me finally go to sleep, only to wake up feeling miserable again. But over time, after about 6 months of online therapy twice per week, I got better. I didn't wake up with suicidal thoughts every morning. (My T would send a good-morning email every morning; she didn't respond to my emails, but she'd allow me to send her emails so that I can process those things in our sessions; that was a boundary, but her good-morning emails helped us not feel so bad every morning. My T doesn't always send us good-morning emails anymore, but she does every once in a while.)

I hope you can find a stronger support system locally, in addition to online. And I hope you can communicate your fears to your current T, so that your current T doesn't call all those cops on you. That's horrible. I had that happen to me years ago, and I was retraumatized from that. I left my T and found a new one.

I hope you're doing okay. Please don't give up.

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Default Oct 27, 2021 at 06:04 PM
  #13
It's been rough. Had a phone call from a doctor's office cancelling all future appointments. I had no idea three IME said I was stable, and would cost more for the insurance company. I'm fighting this. Can't get care for my wrist because of the claim.

My anxiety is high. My brain feels fuzzy without meds, just from all that's happened today. And not sleeping well isn't helping. In the last 48 hours I've gotten 9 hours of sleep.

Need a plan. More importantly I need my life back.

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Default Oct 27, 2021 at 06:17 PM
  #14
I'm so sorry to hear about your wrist, puzzclar. I hope you are able to get some treatment for it. Insurance companies suck! I used to work for one. PPO is better than HMO, but nowadays, both are super expensive! Even Medicare's copayments are expensive.

(((safe thoughts and hugs)))

I hope something turns out better for you!

When I felt where you're at, I would write down a list of things that were unsatisfying in my life, then I'd figure out what proactive measures I could take for each area. If an area was not fixable, such as a bad relationship or a grief/loss issue, I would find counseling for that area to help me process, walk away (if a bad relationship), or learn how to grieve effectively with a trusted T and even trusted friends (if dealing with losses). For the areas I could fix - albeit slowly - I would write separate steps for each area, so as not to overwhelm myself with each task. I would try to work on the easiest tasks first and save the hardest ones for later. Sometimes I'd have to work on some hard items first, but only if there's a deadline or something.

Whatever you can change in your life, you have the power within you to change. You might need to google some things online or ask for advice, but in the end, the decision is yours, and your new journey is yours to map out. You will have help along the way, even though there's always obstacles in life.

I hope you can find a newer, better, brighter journey for yourself - one that involves healing, improving, and feeling better.
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