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Old 01-13-2022, 03:02 AM   #1
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Confused Losing u was like losing myself.

Hi Everyone! Hope you are all doing well despite the pandemic.

We recently lost our baby girl. I never thought I could be in that so much pain. She has given us a great moments we wish we could still experience. Its been 3 days actually, at first i wasnt able to get up from my bed, wasn't able to eat and I can't even stop myself from crying. Can't even go down because i can still picture her out in her fave spots.

Today, I'll be asking for your help. To give me advice or anything I should do because I know she'll never want me to be like this, stuck in this empty room I've entered since that night. I know it will not be really easy to get through this but I hope I will finally realize that it's for the best.

Thank u and keep safe.
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Old 01-13-2022, 12:28 PM   #2
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Default Re: Losing u was like losing myself.

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. How awful and how heartbreaking!

I wish I knew what to say to help, but sadly I do not really know anything about helping those who are grieving except to offer support, understanding, encouragement and consolation.

I have read that losing a child is the hardest thing a human being can experience. The burden of loss that you bear must be just unimaginably and crushingly heavy.

You are very wise to realize that your child would not want you to be stuck in that empty room.

Sometimes we just have to take things one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute and one second at a time. To endure the unendurable is the most heroic thing a human being can do.

Talking to a psychotherapist might be very helpful to you so you are not all alone with your pain. If I was a psychotherapist I would help you with that kind of knowledge in any way I could. But I am just a ordinary human being.

I think there are others here who have lost children. I hope and pray that they will see your post and respond to it with kindness, understanding and really, really helpful words for you.

Please lean on us in this Forum for support during this terrible time. That is why we are here.

I think you are a very heroic person and hope you will continue to post here. Maybe we can find ways to help you.

I have never been forced to carry a burden as heavy as the burden you bear. Just reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I hope you will find things that give you strength and comfort. I feel badly that I don't know how to be helpful to you because I really want to be helpful. If you think of anything I can do to help, just let me know.

My heart goes out to you!
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Old 01-13-2022, 12:33 PM   #3
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Default Re: Losing u was like losing myself.

@Yuzumi I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like it has been a traumatic event in your life. Grief and crying are natural response but I think you are becoming aware that you can not keep on like this forever.

I cannot tell you what you should do but I can tell you what I might do in your situations.
  • Splash cold water on my face. This helps clear the eyes of tears and can make me alert
  • Take a shower and wash my hair. When I am crying and staying in bed toxins are being excreted through the skin. If I do not wash them away they may be reabsorbed by the body.
  • Have a glass of juice or some soup to break your fast. Later as I tolerate it, I would have soft food and work up to solid food. Protein helps my brain cope with stress, either animal or vegetable, whichever is available although I tend towards vegetable.
  • Start to move and get some fresh air. Maybe I would take a walk or do some gentle yoga moves.
  • Keep a notebook handy so if something comes into my mind I can write it down.
  • I would start doing one thing that needs to be done every day like do the dishes or do cleaning.
  • Do a gratitude journal when I feel able to to appreciate the wonderful relationship that I experienced.
  • Start healthy self care routines.
  • Join an online grief support group
  • Find a therapist that specializes in grief if available.
  • Talk to family and friends and get involved in life again
  • Smile at myself in the mirror. The muscles that control smiling send signals to the brain that are interpreted as feeling good.
These are things I would do. My moods shift every day but I try to find ways to get what needs to be done, done. This helps me not focus on myself and my grief.

Eventually I like to reach out to other people and start to focus on helping other people. It seems counterintuitive but by not focusing on my grief and sorrow and by helping others cope with their challenges, I actually feel better and my life starts to have meaning again.

Hope you get the support you need. @CANDC
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