In shock

I just found out my godfather/uncle died a year ago. No one in my family told me. We live on different continents, but we always used to text each other about shared hobbies like cooking and gardening and what was going on in our lives.


I only saw it because a cousin of mine who added me in the last year on social media posted that it had been a year since he had died. I did a search and found an article about his death. He stepped out onto the street and was hit by a car.

I am not sure why I was not told. I find it hard to believe that my parents didn't know about this. I texted one of my siblings to ask if they had heard about what happened. I haven't heard back.


The last several times I messaged my godfather, I didn't get a response. I guess I now know why.

I am trying to process all of this.

Oh how heartbreaking. I am so very sorry for your loss and that no one informed you!

Oh no @rechu that is such a shock to find out so much later. Hope you start the grieving process and commemorate their life and what it meant to you.

Thanks to the both of you.

An update. I have two siblings, to not give too many details I will just call them A and B. A lives in the same country as my parents and is in touch/visits more frequently. B, like me, lives outside of our home country. A initially said they remembered our dad saying something about our uncle but was a bit fuzzy if they had thought he died or was just injured. A said our father mentioned it during a phone call. B and I typically do not call our parents, we use WhatsApp/e-mail. In my case, my mother has outsourced handling the problem child (me) to my dad. So, my dad would have been the one that told me. Occasionally, the family may do a Zoom call. There were two last year, neither had a mention of our uncle.

B said he was also sure he had not heard anything about what happened. He and I both checked back messages and e-mails to see if there was some communication about it, but there was nothing. So, it is pretty clear that neither of us was informed.

I mentioned that I was considering saying something to my dad. A flipped out and said don’t do it, it would open a can of worms, and if I did say something he would probably insist he had told me and B. A tends to be protective of our parents, especially our mom, so I guess this is a new manifestation of that. It seems like A now thinks of themselves as the sibling leader as only one in the same country as our parents. The whole exchange was weird. I guess I will keep the peace and not say anything, although I think I have the right to bring it up with my father.

I was able to connect with my cousin and send my condolences, which she appreciated. She apologized for not telling me and was surprised my dad had not informed me. I told her it was fine. She had no way to know that no one had told me.

I feel like I can’t trust family to keep me in the loop about things any more. I guess I am not alone, B is out of the loop, too.