FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 48,025
(SuperPoster!)
13 22.9k hugs
given |
#1
I just finished reading a book about narcissistic mothers, and how there is a feeling of grief over not getting needs met, having a nurturing mother. I've been there. It's real. I hope ones of you dealing with this kind of grief will find peace and ways to meet your unmet needs as an adult.
And here's another hug, in friendship: |
Reply With Quote |
FloatThruThis, Junerain, Mendingmysoul, Nammu, nonightowl, rechu
|
Mendingmysoul, nonightowl, rechu, unaluna
|
Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
4 807 hugs
given |
#2
Can you share the name of the book ?
|
Reply With Quote |
nonightowl
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 48,025
(SuperPoster!)
13 22.9k hugs
given |
#3
Sure. I'll get it and return in a bit. Okay, it's called Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride, Ph.D. What's extra nice about the book is that Dr. McBride, now a therapist, is the daughter of a narcissistic mother. She talks a bit about the sons of such mothers--but they seem to not get the butt of the mother's personality disorder.
Last edited by Travelinglady; May 17, 2022 at 09:20 PM.. |
Reply With Quote |
unaluna
|
Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
4 807 hugs
given |
#4
Thank you dear.
|
Reply With Quote |
Travelinglady
|
nonightowl
|
Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,324
15 6,788 hugs
given |
#5
Quote:
Even as an adult I've never gotten my emotional needs met. The "friends" I make have turned out not to be what I thought and I don't even know who's safe to confide in anymore. Until I found this forum, I didn't know what I experienced had a NAME and that others experienced it. It validates and vindicates me. It wasn't me all along, it was HER. My dad wasn't much better. Months in therapy about it. It's been years and I've also thought of lost opportunities, lost chances for something better, etc. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
|
Reply With Quote |
Travelinglady, unaluna
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 48,025
(SuperPoster!)
13 22.9k hugs
given |
#6
And after we see role models on TV like June Lockhart as Timmy's mother and then the mother of the Robinson children, it makes the longing even worse.
|
Reply With Quote |
Mendingmysoul, nonightowl
|
nonightowl
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 48,025
(SuperPoster!)
13 22.9k hugs
given |
#7
Narcissism is just one reason why a parent doesn't meet a child's needs. The parent might be a workaholic, a non-functioning alcoholic, too physically sick, and on and on. So, good point, owl.
I feel sad when I see items in catalogs with messages on them such as "To a wonderful daughter." Of course, I never got anything like that. |
Reply With Quote |
Mendingmysoul, nonightowl
|
nonightowl
|
Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,324
15 6,788 hugs
given |
#8
Quote:
I watch Blue Bloods, in which every episode there's a scene of Sunday dinner with the whole family: 4 generations at one table and everyone can be open about things without repercussions. I never had that. Emotions were taboo in my family, meaning the negative ones. Even happy ones were to be kept "restrained", no jumping up and down and screaming in joy---not even at a sports game. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
|
Reply With Quote |
Mendingmysoul, Travelinglady
|
Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,324
15 6,788 hugs
given |
#9
Quote:
If I really mattered to them, they wouldn't have given my a--hole "brother" the upper hand regarding their living trust and such. I didn't even know the document existed but of course HE had a copy. I'm scared to even try calling any lawyer cause I'm afraid they'll say they can't help me or it's too late. There's a deadline. Things were done behind my back and kept secret. Yes, these commercials and stuff are very triggering. Artificial fantasy of what a parent-child relationship is or is supposed to be. But people say "Just ignore it". Talking out of their ***. I last visited my parents' resting place in 2020 during lockdowns, no traffic. If they were alive, the language I used alone would have killed them. Told them they really betrayed me and let me down. That they ]sucked in ways they probably can't imagine, as they thought they could do no wrong and other parents were incompetent. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
|
Reply With Quote |
Mendingmysoul, rechu, Travelinglady
|
Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
4 807 hugs
given |
#10
I have been reading a lot about narcissism and my mom fits the profile to a T.Undiagnosed of course. She has a golden child,invisible or forgotten child and the scapegoat. She actively encouraged the golden child to call me names and hurl insults at me.Mine was classic narcissistic household, complete with a lot of flying monkeys whom my parents groomed and lovebombed.That was a horrific scenario to grow up in.I thought I was the only one,an unlucky child to be born in that dysfunction. After googling about it online and then coming to this forum,now I know there are others too.My heart goes out to all of you.Hugs.
|
Reply With Quote |
nonightowl, rechu
|
Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,324
15 6,788 hugs
given |
#11
Quote:
__________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
4 807 hugs
given |
#12
Flying monkeys, the word is taken I believe, from the wizard of oz. These are the people who believe the narcissist is a nice person,sometimes they do the narcissist 's bidding,or just ignore the evil doings and gain benefit from the narc.These can be friends, coworkers or relatives of the narcissist. They are groomed by the narcs by being extra nice and extra generous. The flying monkeys benefit from the narcissist, so kind of owe them.
|
Reply With Quote |
Travelinglady
|
nonightowl
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
Posts: 2,212
8 1,039 hugs
given |
#13
I've been dealing with this lately. I am sure my mother is a narcissist, untreated, of course. She has all the traits. I was definitely the scapegoat. I live far away and have not seen her in a long time.
Now she has worsening dementia and it's been giving me weird feelings. Basically, I feel like she is already dead to me. I have a flying monkey aunt pressure me to visit, but I decided I'm not going. I don't know what purpose it would serve. I don't think she even wants to see me and it's not like there is any possibility of getting closure. I decided I won't go the the funeral either. That is going to hit the rest of my family hard, but I have to do what is best for me. Thanks for the book recommendation. I am going to see if I can get it as an eBook. I'm sorry that many others are dealing with similar situations. |
Reply With Quote |
Mendingmysoul, nonightowl, Travelinglady
|
nonightowl
|
Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
4 807 hugs
given |
#14
Moving out far away was the best decision I have ever made.I still shake and shudder when I get a call from them .I have anxiety if I needed to call them.My calls are now few and far between.
|
Reply With Quote |
Travelinglady, unaluna
|
nonightowl, rechu, unaluna
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
Posts: 2,212
8 1,039 hugs
given |
#15
I recently decided to stop all contact with the dementia ridden narcissist, which was only infrequent Zoom calls arranged by my sister. It was just not worth it continuing the charade that we ever really had a relationship. I have very low contact with my siblings and father.
I live on a different continent. I first moved across the country, but my sister followed me. That increased the parental visits to unbearable levels. So, here I am, very far away. |
Reply With Quote |
Mendingmysoul, nonightowl, Travelinglady
|
nonightowl
|
Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,324
15 6,788 hugs
given |
#16
Quote:
US culture thinks family is so sacred and you're supposed to put up with any kind of crap because they are "family." Well not all families are Hallmark cards/movies, that's for sure. Especially mine. Not going to pretend there's a relationship or that blood IS thicker than water. What BS. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
|
Reply With Quote |
Mendingmysoul, rechu, Travelinglady
|
Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,324
15 6,788 hugs
given |
#17
Quote:
On another note, I have an acquaintance with worsening dementia. She's just a shell of the person she used to be. I know she can't help it but it's not great to be around her anymore. I know she can't help it but I still find it unbearable at times. It's a type of LOSS, loss of that person. I started losing her years ago. She's ALIVE but not her anymore. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
|
Reply With Quote |
Mendingmysoul, Travelinglady
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
Posts: 2,212
8 1,039 hugs
given |
#18
It may sound terrible, but I admit part of me would not want to see her even if she were not consistently hostile towards me. In the Zoom calls I no longer participate in, she didn't seem to be doing very well. The idea that I might have gotten her crappy dementia genes is really scaring me since her diagnosis. So, It think seeing her in that condition would be pretty traumatic for me.
|
Reply With Quote |
Travelinglady
|
nonightowl
|
Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,324
15 6,788 hugs
given |
#19
Quote:
Certainly hope I don't have any dementia genes. I don't even know if either of my parents had it, as they were so tight-lipped about everything medical or "deep" like emotions they feel. So distant..... Unless the symptoms are so severe and obvious (like suddenly being mean), one may not know someone has dementia. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
|
Reply With Quote |
Mendingmysoul, rechu, Travelinglady
|
Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
4 807 hugs
given |
#20
The idea itself that I am a part of them ie genetically, scares me.One thing is for sure that growing up I told myself I would never behave like them.They come across as very kind and nice human beings to out siders,but are very cruel in reality or at least towards me.I come across as an aloof and cold person,as I was scared of people who were very impressed by my abusers ,pretty much everyone in the small town I grew up and I stayed away from all of them.But I know I am completely opposite of my abusers. I will be focussed on not tobe like them my entire life.
|
Reply With Quote |
nonightowl, rechu, Travelinglady
|
nonightowl
|