advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
What matters
New Member
What matters has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2022
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 4
1 yr Member
Default Jun 25, 2022 at 05:34 PM
  #1
Greetings, Welcome to my email about my personal issue. My issue is bereavement however I am not sure if I am a freak or what. I have lost people and I somehow move on. Mostly, the shock is part of the shock that death happened and that I could be subjected to the same rash process. But, there is more to it, surely. Not until you lose somebody who is a core member, in my case.

I wonder if I have suffered a break from reality. I accepted he is dead. Then I didn't accept it. I thought well maybe it is the after life which I am very critical of. This is the part of my emotional existence which is not very complex that is giving me the initial feeling. I pursue it and find myself back in the real world.

I think, hell, I can prepay for the people who are still living by pre-grieving their deaths. If dying is no big deal then it can be easy to be prepared for those who are actively agitating to leave me. Like if my wife wants to leave me, I can pre-grieve losing her. Isn't that what loss is?

Does anybody have that experience?
What matters is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Anonymous40506, nonightowl, Travelinglady

advertisement
Travelinglady
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Travelinglady's Avatar
Travelinglady is feeling tired.
 
Member Since: Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 47,784 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
22.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 26, 2022 at 12:55 AM
  #2
The first stage in a grieving process is denial--it is hard to accept that someone has died. Yes, as we age, the people we know will gradually die. I'm 67 and have lost a number of friends and relatives, including my parents.

I've heard of grieving ahead of time--preparing emotionally to let go. I think it can be a healthy thing. But I find it best to concentrate more on enjoying them while we have them.

Of course, your wife won't be dead if she leaves you, but it will be an adjustment. A therapist I had once told me that losing one husband through divorce ended up being harder than losing one through death.

AT some point our bodies tell us it's time to move on, due to sickness or just old age. It's just part of living. I believe in an afterlife, so that makes it easier on me. I've told people that are dying that I'll see them later, and I believe that.

Are you seeing a therapist? I think they are useful in helping us to deal with such issues.

We are also here, and we care, so feel free to tell us more of what's happening with you. We even have folks who are divorced and dealing with loss of a spouse.
Travelinglady is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
nonightowl
CANDC
Super Moderator
Community Support Team
Community Liaison
Chat Leader
 
CANDC's Avatar
CANDC has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,324 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
2,307 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 30, 2022 at 07:52 PM
  #3
I agree that losing through divorce is difficult rather than through a natural death like cancer or a heart attack. With a divorce that is not one's doing and one is fighting it all the way, then there is the guilt factor.

"What could I have done differently?" can be a constant source of unease. There can also be the hope that maybe I can win them back. Maybe there is something I can do. I have never found that to be true.

The best thing I did with relationships was not blame myself or that person. That is not easy but it is such a relief.

Hope you find some comfort and healing in this difficult situation.

__________________
Super Moderator
Community Support Team

"Things Take Time"
CANDC is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:27 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.