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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,296
(SuperPoster!)
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Apr 27, 2024 at 08:37 PM
#1
I was told my dad recently died (drugs). He taught me things like love doesn't exist, any attention is good attention, drugs are the answer to everything (and supplied me), emotions are for the weak (yet explosive anger is ok)
But there were fun times. Once we were both drunk and he tricked me into giving him my money and then he bet it all on a Pats game and DOUBLED IT. Sometimes he couldn't sleep so he'd wake me up and say, "hey, we're going to Boston" and we'd drive down and sometimes wouldn't turn back until we ended up in Connecticut, and boy is the tunnel on 93 and coming out into the city lights my favorite at night. One time we accidentally even snuck into a movie at I think Foxwoods without even realizing it. I think the two of us combined are the reason my mom is crazy these days. Earlier I was rapidly shifting between pissed at him and being happy he's gone and being pissed that he IS gone, and just straight up wishing I had stayed at his place and maybe we could've either gotten better together or been dysfunctional together, but either way we wouldn't be alone. But all day I've been distracting myself over other things, and now I'm alone in the dark and I'm thinking, and thinking, and thinking, but I can't provoke an emotion. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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 BeyondtheRainbow, Fuzzybear, LadyShadow, Nammu, nonightowl, unaluna
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
Chat Leader 
Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,440
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Apr 28, 2024 at 06:47 PM
#2
@MuddyBoots that must be rough on you to not have the closure. All the what ifs can really make sleeping hard. Hope you find some closure.
__________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 71,528
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Apr 28, 2024 at 06:54 PM
#3
I’m so sorry boots. The dueling messages from him makes it harder.
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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 nonightowl
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Member
Member Since Jul 2021
Location: virginia
Posts: 219
2 29 hugs
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Apr 28, 2024 at 07:12 PM
#4
It will take time to get over that and hopefully we can help.
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,368
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May 01, 2024 at 02:23 PM
#5
I'm so sorry MuddyBoots
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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